Reflections: Raising My Rainbow Turns One

Last October my effeminate three-year-old son wanted to be Snow White for Halloween.  I Googled a bunch of random phrase combos, trying to fit a life dilemma into a search bar.  Boys dressing as girls for Halloween.  My son wants to be a princess for Halloween.  Boys as Snow White.  Boys as Disney Princesses.  Should I let my three-year-old be Snow White for Halloween.  Gender-neutral Halloween costumes.

Not much turned up with those search terms.  I got search happy.  Boys playing with girls toys.  Boys dressing as girls.  Boys liking girls things.  What are the chances of an effeminate boy growing up to be gay?  Little gay boys.

I gave up Google and moved to parenting sites and mom blogs.  There weren’t sections within the parenting sites that I visited or dedicated mom blogs for people like me raising a child like mine.  I desperately wanted to connect and get some answers. 

Nerdy Applebottom published her infamous “My Son is Gay” post about her son being Daphne for Halloween.  I got excited.  Then she went back to writing content more typical of a general mom blog.  But, I wanted more about Boo.  I felt like I was so close to finding a mom and child and blog that I could relate to.  Enough waiting and searching, I’d be that blogger I’d been looking for.

So, my Christmas gift to myself and 2011 New Year’s Resolution was to journal about the adventures in raising a slightly effeminate, possibly gay, totally fabulous son. As a new year launched, so did RaisingMyRainbow.com.

I started RaisingMyRainbow.com for myself.  To record my feelings and experiences, like any blogger, but not to rant or stand on a cyber-soapbox or be sensationalistic. 

I started it for any other person in a situation similar to mine, raising a gender nonconforming son.  There had to be more of us out there, right?  Right?!  We need support, to hear other people’s stories and know that we aren’t alone.

And, I started it in hopes that I would draw the LBGTQ audience, because they are the ones who have the answers to a lot of my questions about raising a child like mine.  Like: When did you know you were different?  When did you know you were gay?  Did you do this?  Did you do that?  How did your parents treat you?  How do you wish they would have treated you?  How did your peers treat you?  What can I do for my son that you wish someone would have done for you?

My audience wasn’t everybody.  I understood that.  I’ve heard from people who aren’t comfortable with my blog.  But for every one email of opposition, I get about a dozen of support. 

When I started writing I knew I had an effeminate son.  I didn’t know that I had a gender creative, gender nonconforming, gender variant son.  I wasn’t hip to the lingo.  A few weeks in I learned that.

Although I knew the difference between gender and sexuality, I had it reinforced by readers time and time again.  I still do.  I don’t mind.  Have I considered that C.J. is transgender?  Sure, I’ve considered it a lot actually. It’s hard to see a four-year-old boy in a cheerleader skirt waving pom-poms and not consider it. Go ahead, try.  For now, he identifies mostly as a boy.

Early on, people started sending me research, links to articles and videos that they thought I’d find interesting and they started sending mail to C.J.  A dialogue started that spans 45 countries.  As it happened, I realized something that I had never thought about before.  All over the world, there are families raising gender nonconforming kids.  The next generation of the LGBTQ community is being raised, right now.  And, you know us parents, the ones raising that next generation of the LGBTQ community?  We have no idea what we’re doing.  As is the case with most parents.  Some have assembled around my blog and some have emailed me.  The joys and struggles that come with raising a possibly LGBTQ child are much the same, whether you live in Untied States, Ireland or Dubai.  I didn’t realize that until I was about six months into blogging. 

At about the six month mark, too, the hate mail nearly stopped.   I had prepared myself for it to only increase with time.  But, the opposite happened.   I think that there are three reasons for this.  The first is that I think people got the sense that I wasn’t going away.  They were right.  The second is that I think people saw, in the comments at the end of each post, that I have a huge amount of support.  They were right.  And, lastly, I think that if people read even one blog post they saw that I love my child and I’m just trying to parent in the best, healthiest, most loving way possible.  They were right again.  From time to time people will ask why I don’t approve negative comments to be published on my blog.  I would, if there were any.  Hate speech, profanities, bullying and foul comments wouldn’t see the light of day.  But, constructive criticism, opposing views and uneducated opinions would be there for all to see, if there were any.

I’m a little Type A, if you haven’t noticed.  So I wrote a plan for my blog before I started it.  My plan was to publish two blog posts a week.  Monday’s blog post would be the meatier of the two.  Thursday’s post would be brief.  I’ve stuck to my schedule pretty well considering that I have a job, two active kids, a husband, friends, hobbies and a life.  But, at times, it has been tiresome.  This is my 100th post.  Cheers!

It has been an amazing year of learning. We’ve learned a lot about ourselves and our sons.  We’ve learned that for the safety of our family, we may have to distance ourselves from certain types of people.  We’ve learned who our real allies are, the people who will, no matter what, support us and join us as we take our journey and raise a gender nonconforming, possibly LGBTQ son.  Most importantly, we’ve learned that we aren’t alone.  We began having play dates with other gender creative families.  I’ve built relationships with moms who traveled this path and are a little further down the road than I am and are now raising amazing young adults.  I’ve reconnected with people from my past who were struggling with their gender identification and sexuality before my very eyes, without me or our peers knowing. 

I’ve seen the kind of father my husband is and have been amazed.  Raising a child like C.J. can tear marriages apart, but, I can say that, after this year, I’ve never felt more secure and confidant in my marriage and the man I picked to spend the rest of my life with.  I’ve seen our older son start to “get it,” and start down the path of being a really cool person who has an open heart and open mind.  He’s a person who knows compassion, understanding, tolerance and, most of all, fun.  He gets things that a lot of members of his peer group aren’t even aware of yet.  In some ways he’s years ahead with his innocence still intact.  I can’t wait to see who he becomes.

During the last year we’ve entered the warm embrace of the LGBTQ community and the community of families who are or have raised a gender creative child.  That warm embrace feels good, it feels like home.

We’ve learned the deadliness of gossip and how it can poison good things.  We’ve learned that prejudice can breed prejudice and work every day to teach our children to be tolerant, even when the favor isn’t returned.

One question that I do get a lot, still, is people wondering what I’m going to tell C.J. about the blog when he gets older.  In short: everything.  I’ve written every post with him in mind.  I’m glad that I’ve encouraged myself to record the happenings of his fourth year.  These are stories that entertained you and I hope that he holds them dear to his heart someday.  More than that, I have other cool stuff to show him, like hundreds and hundreds of emails of support and some emails from people whose lives we’ve changed.  Parents who gave up struggling over gender and, instead, choose to simply love their child, no questions asked.  That is one of my proudest achievement of 2011.

About raisingmyrainbow

RaisingMyRainbow.com is a blog about the adventures in raising a fabulous, gender creative son.
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69 Responses to Reflections: Raising My Rainbow Turns One

  1. Paul Phillip says:

    I’m doing research and this site popped up. It makes this question prominently in my mind: What if the child is not gay, the mother tells the world he is basically gay, and now as the child grows in awareness as a teenager/adult by chance he isn’t gay is now forced to believe he is gay because, well, of how his entire childhood is documented (for life) on the internet as gay. I think this blog is important and helpful to parents trying to let their children grow up and be happy, but don’t you feel there could be also negative effects? Prevented job opportunities and confusion in individualism? I played My Little Pony’s and dollhouse with my 3 bigger sisters but I am not gay. If my parents lived in a digital culture as we did today and blogged the same way you are now I would have to say I would be more confused then confident in who I am reflecting on what I was like younger. All I am pointing out is – let the child be who he/she is but don’t forget how his employers 20 years from now with better technologies will easily find this archived blog in search results…

  2. Colleen says:

    Thank you for writing this blog. I have have only recently discovered you but have spent the past week devouring every post. I am your target audience – a lesbian mom raising 2 sons, one of whom is gender creative. He’ll be 6 this spring and he parallels CJ in so many ways. Some people may think it is easier raising a gender creative child if you are part of the LGBT community but it’s not. Like any parent, I want my child to be accepted, be safe, and be free to be himself and it’s a fine balancing act to figure it all out. Thank you for lettting me know that I and my wife are not alone.

  3. Taylor says:

    I think this world is to focoused on the right way instead of the wrong way……By the way the person that I commented on that was because had had no Idea were to post a commenet til now so sorry. but anyway being Gay is not a bad thing no matter what the bible says. being gay is more then what any book could say. you dont knnow what it feels like inless you are gay yourself. so thank you for everyone who says being a rainbow is okay,

  4. Thanks for update, keep up the good work!! Love the blog you are posted.

    • Taylor says:

      I really injoy this site. not caring that your son might be gay, trans, sraight, bi, or all in the world makes me really happy that you are the # 1 mom in the world.
      Love 15 years old Taylor Mulvey, I am gay. and proud.

  5. katierannou says:

    oh my goodness, i have had a smile on my face (and occasionally tears in my eyes) as i have read each of your posts. you are such an amazingly supportive mom, and it sounds like your family is providing such an amazing environment in which c.j. can grow to be exactly who he is supposed to be. it is a rarity, and though i don’t have children of my own yet, i have seen the reverse with several of my students’ parents, and it is so detrimental to their children. your open-mindedness is so refreshing and beautiful!

  6. Jo says:

    I’m so happy I found your blog, although it was by pure accident! Our kids sound a lot alike. My son is 3 yrs old and loves many of the same things yours does and we have not known how to approach it, but so far we are just letting him do his thing and we don’t make a big deal out of it. I am going to go back and read all your posts for some insight now!

  7. mzvehrzed says:

    Your blog alone is truly beautiful and inspiring. I hope that other mothers/parents who are aware yet unaware at the same time that their child is non conforming will read this and be inspired and have the ability to find the strength, love & get the support they need as you & your family have. It’s a beautiful thing. I’m glad you decided to keep blogging btw otherwise I never would have came across this. Your 1st blog, about his ballet/tap class literally made my heart smile. Keep up the great work!! :)

  8. Sarah says:

    I was “accused” of being a lesbian my entire life, and it honestly never bothered me because of who my parents are and how they raised me. They just saw me as a tomboy and loved me.

    And while I’m so glad they didn’t take me to a therapist to talk about my gender nonconforming (would have mortified me), I can tell you’re doing what you feel is best for C.J. and that is what counts. He’s lucky to have you.

    Cheers to you!

  9. I wish I had a mom like you. Keep being an inspiration to your wonderful child!

  10. megalagom says:

    I just found this blog and I have to say that this post has me almost in tears. It is beautiful. What you are doing, how supportive you are, how understanding and the way you seem to have touched the community around you is magical, irreversible, and important. I wish that all parents could be like you or learn from you. You and your family are special. Thank you for making this blog and I hope you keep it up. <3

  11. Sara says:

    You are absolutely awesome for doing this. I love that you pulled together the courage and the wherewithal to put this incredible blog out there. I’m so excited to read this and I look forward to your future postings. Thank you!

  12. Pingback: Day 251 Risk: Try Something New At Work « Little D, Big Year

  13. The Hook says:

    Happy Anniversary! Here’s to another great year!

  14. Felisha says:

    You, and we, in turn, are being the change!

  15. CONGRATULATIONS on your milestone and your journey! You are bringing love and light to so many people, and many, many parents can learn from your unconditional love and support of CJ!

    Today (1/9/12) is a milestone for me: It’s the 1st birthday of my blog. And it’s part of the reason how I even discovered YOUR blog. So this is proof that the power of positive thinking (and actions) can bring people together – even total strangers on the internet.

    Let’s both keep up the great work, shall we? :)
    All my best — Paul V.

    http://www.BornThisWayBlog.com

  16. Mark says:

    It was interesting this past weekend when at a restaurant there was a little maybe 4-5 yo boy who was dressed in boy clothes but with hair and face of definitely a girl, and another patron commented about what a pretty little girl. Dad corrected the patron and everyone was just cool with it. I immediately thought of you guys and how in that moment I had such little reaction other than amusement of societal cues. That is all because of the openness we have all seen in this blog. So thank you!

  17. asintree says:

    You continue to move and inspire me. I can’t imagine the courage it has taken to share your life. I am glad to hear that the support has outweighed the criticism. And I am glad that you have connected with others with similar situations. If everyone with a gender creative child can learn from and follow your lead, there will be a whole generation of children growing up, as your son is, in loving, grace-full, supportive, encouraging homes.

    May God continue to bless you richly in many ways, and Happy New Year!

    Branch in NYC

  18. Fran says:

    I only started reading a few months ago and never miss your comments. I think I can figure out what LGBTQ stands for, but would you please write it out for those like myself who might want to have the correct terminology. Keep blogging, based on the comments sent to you, you are making a difference!

    • Fran: LGBTQ stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, Questioning.
      Sometimes the Q stands for Queer.

      Sometimes an I is added, which stands for Intersexed (the old word used to be hermaphrodite)

      Sometimes an A is added, for Asexual, and sometimes a P is added for Polyamorous, although I see those less.

      Hope that helps!

      • Jade says:

        I thought the P standed for Pansexual (which I am). It’s a term meaning to be attracted to an individual regardless of gender identity. I’m also Polyamorous, so really either/or. :)

        This blog is amazing and I just started reading it tonight. I’ve laughed, cried, read entries and comments out loud to my polyfamily. I can only pray that one day I am as awesome a mother as you are, CJ’s Mom. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  19. Bluiis says:

    Your blog is a fantastic resource. I will I had had this when I was raising my son. He is a very well-adjusted adult gay guy. A remarkable guy. I remember thinking when he came out to me, I am glad he came out in these days rather than in the ’60’s or ’70’s. It only gets better. You are providing enormous lessons for us all. Thank you!

  20. Melissa B says:

    As a mom of a 5 year old son who “decorates” my apartment, is friends with all girls, who draws rainbows, who puts wash cloths on his hair saying- look I have long princess hair- aren’t I pretty?? I thank you- your blog is wonderful and I’m so glad I just discovered it.

  21. Lyn~ says:

    Read your blog whenever its posted… Love that you bravely accept CJ as is – my parents did not do the same of my sister by merely stating some opinions that sent a loud and clear message that she or any one like her was broken — it cost her the happy childhood my brother and I were offered… I saw this post today somewhere online and thought first of my sister and by contrast dear sweet CJ and of course You!!!! Its a tad long – but perhaps you will find it worth reading….
    Truly ALL parents ought to read this and wake up…..
    **********************************************************************************************************************
    Your child might be gay.

    I’m not talking about your neighbor’s kid or your cousin’s kid, and I’m not even talking about my kid (although they are certainly included). I’m talking about your kid. Your kid might be gay.

    You may want to protest:

    “My son doesn’t like show tunes. He likes football and Legos.”

    “My daughter doesn’t play softball. She loves princess dresses and pink.”

    “My son has a girlfriend.”

    “My daughter has a boyfriend.”

    “My child is too young to think about those things.”

    Well, I am here to tell you that none of those things matter.

    Sure, some gay people might fit into certain stereotypes, but not all… and probably not even the majority. Lots of gay boys like playing in the mud with sticks and listening to rock ‘n’ roll. Lots of lesbian girls like ballet dancing and painting their fingernails. None of those things define anyone’s sexuality.

    Even if your child is a toddler, his or her sexual orientation may already be firmly in place… not that they are thinking about it yet.

    And sure, your son or daughter might have the correct heterosexual-designated partner right now, but that doesn’t mean they always will.

    How do I know your kid might be gay? Your child is a human being. Depending on what research you have in front of you, you’ll find that between 3 and 10 percent of human beings happen to be gay, lesbian, or bisexual. And there is no way to know for sure, and there is definitely no way to change it.

    So why am I telling you all this? Because I think it is high time for all of us parents to start thinking about what we say.

    A man wears pink, so we call him a “sissy.” A woman is powerful and strong, so she’s called a “dyke.” An athlete gets hurt, and we say he needs to “walk it off and stop being such a fag.” An attractive woman is at the park with her girlfriend, and we comment, “All she needs is a real man.”

    We need to think about what we say even when we call our son’s female friend his “girlfriend,” or when we call our daughter’s male friend her “boyfriend.”

    Some of these things are downright offensive and violent. The last pair could be said in all innocence. But all of them send the same message to a gay child: there is something wrong with you. And that’s a message gay children (and adults) hear loud and clear.

    I would like to think that some people don’t notice homophobic hate speech when it flies out of their mouths, or at least they don’t think it matters. Well, it is there, and it does.

    So, the next time something lame happens and the words “that’s so gay” are about to come out of your mouth, take a second to think. Look at your child and think. Do you want your kid to think, indeed know, that there is something wrong with them? After all, they heard it straight from Mom and Dad.

    The idea of having a gay child scares a lot of parents. They want their kids to be happy. They want them to be healthy. They want them to grow into successful adults, who go on to create wonderful families of their own.

    Being gay doesn’t take any of those things off the table. Heck, if we all work hard enough against hate in this country, they could even legally give you the white wedding you have always dreamed of.

    All parents have dreams for their children. Heck, I have a ton. But we can’t let our dreams for them become more important than who they are and what they want for themselves. Our children aren’t little photocopies of us. They are their own unique people who have a path all their own.

    So stop, think, and shut your mouth. And then the next time you are out and about, and another adult calls someone a “faggot,” open it. The person you are defending could be your own kid. Make certain your child knows being gay isn’t bad, and maybe, just maybe, they won’t feel the need to hide if they are. And then they’ll have a better chance of growing up into that happy, healthy adult you dream they will become.

    Follow Amelia on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/Amelia_blogger

  22. Allison says:

    Happy Anniversary to you! So glad you are sticking with it and glad to hear the negative comments are getting less! I anxiously await each post and am proud to say I actually know the woman ‘CJ’s Mom’ :) Keep up this amazing piece of work for your family…it is truly inspirational!

  23. Mikko says:

    What a great reflection, i love your blog.

    Make sure that you always are saving your blog entries on other places, just in case. I think this is a splendid sort of diary over C.Js childhood.

  24. Jordan says:

    I found your blog about a week ago and just finished reading it today; it meaning every post you have ever made. You truly are an amazing writer. Raising my Rainbow has made me smile, laugh, cry, become furious, and, more than anything, question myself. My name is Jordan, I’m 20 years old, and I’m gay.

    My parents and brother suspected I was gay ever since I played with Barbies when I was younger (which my parents bought for me without hesitation); I only “came out” less than a year ago, but that’s a whole story in itself. As I said, this blog has made me question myself on multiple levels, but the one that surprised me the most is this: If I were to see someone like CJ out in public, a little boy in a dress with dolls, what would I do? The answer came instantly, and I am disgusted with myself for it, because I know I would laugh. I wouldn’t laugh hysterically and make a scene, I wouldn’t point, I don’t even think I would make it obvious that you knew I saw him, but, at the very least, I would be laughing on the inside.

    I never thought I was a judgmental person when it came to race, gender, or anything else, but this last week of reading your blog has really solidified the fact that people should be who they want to be, regardless of age, regardless of gender, and this is coming from a boy who used to play with Barbies and easily transitioned to sports and Pokemon. I truly mean it when I say thank you for making this blog, thank you for being an amazing parent and wife, and thank you for sharing your life with all of us. I hope you will keep blogging, for yourself and for every one of your readers.

  25. Jenn in Illinois says:

    Congrats on the one year mark! My husband introduced me to your blog a few months back. Our 5 year old son is a Monster-High collecting, American Girl Doll obsessed sweetheart who, when asked his favorite color, responds, “rainbow.” No kidding. I look to you for humor & wisdom as we figure this out. I, too, have an amazing partner/husband in this adventure. Keep writing!

  26. skeptic says:

    Thank you for all that you are doing and sharing. It means a lot!

  27. LCannon says:

    Congratulations on reaching your 100th blog!! Not much more I can add to what all your other followers have (and do) expressed. Love your blog. And am happy to see that Dec 21 was not your final post. Blog support is so awesome!

  28. Maddie says:

    Thank you for bringing the fresh perspective of childhood and parental experience to a discussion so dear to so many people! As a gender non-conforming possibly gay teen girl, it’s a privilege to read about a time in CJ’s life that still feels very close to me, and to get a look at how the generation of parents following my own may be starting to approach issues of gender creativity differently than those before them. I have not only learned about your wonderful family from this blog, but also have learned more about myself and my own family. CJ is a lucky little boy who will be so much stronger and more self-assured as a result of your understanding, acceptance, and commitment to loving him for exactly who he is. Thank you so much for what you do, and Happy New Year to your whole family!

  29. MomOfSimilarChild says:

    Congratulations and keep up the good work!! Love the blog and your family.

  30. Marc says:

    Huge congratulations and even greater gratitude! I am so thankful that you are documenting your journey with CJ. It brings me an incredible amount of joy (and so many happy tears) to see your family approach child and gender development the way yours do. This is my very first comment on your blog even though I have been reading it for over 8 months. You are an inspiration to me, my peers and the world. CJ does not know this yet and probably wont for many years to come but he is a very lucky kid.
    Much Love from Paris,
    Marc

  31. Max Andrews says:

    Don’t stop, Darling. My partner and I adore your family and your blog, and (not that it matters) we think you’re doing a great job with both!

    All the best,
    Max & Gradon
    Atlanta, GA

  32. RainbowWarrior says:

    Beautifully done, as always. I must say, I’m very glad to have you back! It makes my weeks a little brighter when I have a couple of CJ’s-mom-misadventures to look forward to. ;)
    I hope you had a restful break and that your boys had a fabulous Christmas. Looking forward to another year of sharing in your awesome life!

  33. Kimberly says:

    Congratulations on your one year anniversary! I love your blog – its humor, its honesty, its beauty, its fabulous writing – all of it. I am the parent of a 5 year old daughter who is very stereotypically female in her preferences and I spend a considerable amount of time explaining to her things like the fact that there are NOT “girl colors” and “boy colors” (as one example) and that not all adult women have babies (as another). I learn something almost every time I read one of your posts – a nuanced way I can speak or an idea I can share or a way that I’m stereotyping that I wasn’t even aware of. You are a gift. In another sense, you are raising a child that “society” sometimes is challenged to understand/accept – and in a completely different way, so am I. I have a highly spirited girl who cares little about being a people pleaser or being “seen and not heard” – and you might be shocked at how difficult this is for us as we navigate places such as school, restaurants, church and grocery stores. In that way, when I read your blog, I feel kinship and I draw strength from your strength. Thank you.

  34. Mitch Harp says:

    congratulations, you’ve got me crying now.
    Thank you for everything that you are everything that you do. You don’t know it yet, but you’re gonna change the world.

  35. I have one says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your story.
    You are an incredible force of good in the world.

  36. Jessica says:

    Congratulations on a year of blogging. I’ve enjoyed every post and have told tons of parents and non parents alike about your blog. With 3 1/2 year old boy/girl twins I think every day about sex and gender – how we define ourselves and how society defines us. Who knows what paths my children will chose, but I am trying, like you, to love and support them no matter what their path. This blog is a gift to all children, but especially the ones who have seen their parents change for the better thanks to your observations and struggles. Here’s to the next generation growing up to be loved and accepted for all their beauty and creativity!

  37. Happy Blogging Birthday!

    As a genderqueer pansexual individual from a biological family that does not approve of anything other than cissexual heterosexualism (as if there was anything to approve or disapprove of when it comes to identity) I have found your blog to be an incredible source of hope and strength.

    CJ inspires me to continue on my path to fighting for a free, equal and informed society– and you remind me that it’s getting there.

    Thank you.

  38. Msimon says:

    I don’t even know how I happened to find your blog since I am not a parent and I am straight but I have to say, it is by far one of my favorites! Not only are you and your family hilarious but the way you and your husband are parenting your children gives me hope for a future generation that celebrate and recognize all forms of love…I tip my hat to you, please keep doing exactly what you are doing! You have all my support and admiration!

  39. Elizabeth Anne says:

    Before I write my comment, I want to tell you who I am. My name is Elizabeth. I’m 19 years old and pansexual. I’ve openly been a member of the LGBTQ community since I was about 13 or 14. In a lot of ways my parents are very loving and accepting. My coming out wasn’t a problem and when one of my friends began his transition from female to male, my parents learned within a week which name he was using and remembered the right pronouns. But in some ways I feel stifled by the gender conforming stereotypes I was taught as a child. I’m in college studying computers. You may not know this, but women are greatly underrepresented in sciences, technology and mathematical careers. Even though my parents always told me that I could be anyone and anything I wanted, I still got dolls while my brother got legos. I learned to bake and sew and he had k’nex. I was something of a tomboy and I still got the typical girl gifts. I love my parents and I think they did a fantastic job raising me, but sometimes I wish that I had the same access to boy toys that C.J. has to girl toys. Sometimes I wish that toys were just … toys.

    Moving on, I want to say Congratulations on a year of Raising my Rainbow. I also want to say thank you. Thank you for blogging about the challenges you face in raising C.J. because it makes my day every time you post something. It moves my heart to read about such a loving mother who is doing her best for her son. And I want to say thank you for giving your son options that I can only wish every child would have. I think you’re doing a great job with C.J. and I hope that good things come your way in 2012.

  40. Jesse Robles says:

    Hey Mama!

    Wow, Happy Anniversary!!! It is well deserved. You have touched my life and that of my partner. We thank you for the tears (of joy of course) and the smiles you have brought us. Thank you for taking us on your journey with you as well. Your family is lucky to have such a resourceful mother and compassionate father. We look forward to reading all of your posts so keep them coming lol.

    Jesse and Chad

  41. Hannah B says:

    Happy 1st blog birthday! Wishing that your writing continues to enrich and enlighten both you and your readers :)

  42. Shalyn says:

    CJ will Thank You for posting this blog and being an Inspiration for your readers :) My Son turns Four tomorrow and we’re having a Tangled Party…Can’t wait to see what this year brings us!

  43. Ellen says:

    Congratulations on reaching your 100th blog!! I so enjoy reading your blog. You are an amazing writer. I agree with all the others that you and your hubby are wonderful parents to your two amazing boys. They are so fortunate to have the inquisitive, industrious and supportive mom. Keep doing what you are doing it is working! I look forward to reading more in 2012!

  44. Firesparx says:

    Congratulations on one year! I’m not what you would consider your typical reader (not a member of the LGBTQ community and not a parent…yet…), but I love well-written and insightful blogs such as yours. What I love most is you are real about your emotions and misgivings. You don’t paint a rosy-perfect picture, you voice your doubts in your decisions while still standing firm to support your family. I also love reading the comments from your readers, they too have made me laugh and cry. You have created an amazing community all by sharing the joys of an amazing little boy and his family!

  45. I came to your blog late in the year, and it has quickly become one of my favorite must reads every week. I think what you are doing is amazing, this sharing of your family’s journey! Congratulations and all the best for the coming year.I can’t wait to continue the journey with you this year.

  46. Mark says:

    Excellent year end wrap up of reflection of all you’ve gone through. I noticed a tone shift in your blog over the year, from understandable confusion and fear of the unknown, to strength and acceptance, without getting defensive, or offensive for that matter in how you’ve approached this new frontier. Huge kudo’s for yours, as well as your entire family’s growth. No mean feat in the culture we have today.

    In this post you’ve spoken about your growth, the relationship with your husband, Brother’s changes and I wonder how you think you may be really different today, a mere 1 year later, from the person(s) you may have portrayed before. For example, before I had gone through two bouts of unemployment quite awhile ago, I was always able to get a job on a moments notice. After those experiences I became much more humble, and grateful, and gracious about my life and the circumstances of others. Perhaps in your case, CJ’s addition to your family was part of the overall scheme, and plan for your(s) personal growth opportunities. I’m pretty sure mine were. :) While we of course can say that each person, individually and together in your life are wonderful by themselves, in this case the entire experience can be viewed as a wonderful bonus. Kind of like pass go, collect $200 and get a free move to the parking lot. :) Congratulations!

  47. Anne says:

    I look forward to your blog every week. More often then not I read them with tears running down my face. Some weeks tears from laughing so hard and others just because you touched on something that I’ve been worrying about. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read a post and been through the exact thing with my own son. Your blog reminds me to laugh at the crazy situations I sometimes find myself in. Thanks for all your posts and please keep up the blogging!

  48. irisgirl says:

    You are an awesome woman, CJ’s mom! Your blog is beautiful, and I pray that you keep getting more support, and continue to give that back thru sharing your journey.

  49. erin says:

    Congrats from one mom of a rainbow boy to another! Thank you for helping in the path that for some reason we were chosen for! I am speaking about my beautiful son to PFLAG next week and hope to quote you! My son is 9 and I wish I could say it gets easier…it doesn’t really. We have a very long road to educating society and others always!!! Our sons 5 year difference still evoke in me the same feelings that I read on your blog. Stay strong, keep the blog, continue paving the way!!!!! We can do it!

  50. I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the future.

  51. Donna says:

    Hello, I have followed your writing for some time – I find your journey similar to mine in many ways. Until very recently our middle child, a boy if you go by biology, was raised by us to go with the flow and go what feels right for him whatever that may be. We faced fierce criticism from parents and nurseries with his long blond hair and propensity fir dressing up in the ‘girls’ section, he played dolls and families and at 3 wanted a baby as desperately as any woman might – we have raised him with open hearts and open minds… So why am I writing this using defintive male gendering? Well he’s now 9 and somewhere along the line, I didn’t even notice at first, he changed, he plays with Lego and hates pink and this summer he had his beautiful hair cut short… for a while I was sad for the person I though he would be, worried that school and peer pressure and almost forced him to ‘conform’. But no, maybe it’s the prepubescent hormones but for now at least my son is trying out a new personality, he’s as experimental as he always was, but very definately boy.

  52. Tommy says:

    Many thanks for all your hard work. You have touched our house and hearts with everything you share.

  53. NotoriousDSG says:

    Happy anniversary! You are such a tremendously gifted writer, in addition to being a wonderful mother and everything else. I thoroughly enjoy all of your posts and hope to continue reading them into the future, as long as your time permits. Have a wonderful 2012!!

  54. ScarUponTheSky says:

    Congratulations on this blog turning one. Have you heard or read about Sarah Hoffman. She has a blog about her son too.

    Also, gender nonconformity, gender creativeness, and gender variance DO all fall under the umbrella of “transgender” so technically C.J. would be but as is the case with words, particularly the English language the word “transgender” has come to almost exclusively be relegated to MtF and FtM people…which is unfortunate in my opinion.

    That said, I do very much look forward to more writings from you! :)

  55. Tom says:

    I RELISH your blog and regularly post it to my FB page! Keep up the outstanding work! Your whole family inspires me!

  56. Even though we have never met, I simply love you. It’s awesome to see that a parent is being open minded and letting their child just grow up. That’s all that a parent really has to do. Let the child grow up. I have spoken to parents who think their children didn’t know what they wanted in life. Obviously, they forgot what it was like to be a child. You can allow a child to grow up being creative or you can smother a child in paranoia or how you think that child should develop. That, basically, is read as “the way they want the child to develop.” Keep going and do not let your candle of writing creativity burn out.

  57. ButchDyke(is that redundant)? says:

    You are doing a fine job. I look forward to each new blog entry. I also wish that 50 years ago parents were as curious and accepting as you and a majority of your readers are. It would have made growing up so much easier for me. Happy Birthday Blog!

  58. Mark says:

    Congrats on hitting the one-year mark! Your blog is well written, funny, and engaging, but most importantly you are clearly an excellent mother to two lucky, loved children. Keep up the great work and all the best to you and yours in 2012!

  59. Andi Lea says:

    Congratulations on the one year marker! I can’t wait to see what 2012 brings.

  60. Jeff says:

    Congratulations on sticking to your goal and on your 100th post! I thoroughly enjoy reading each of them. May you and your family have a wonderful 2012.

  61. I’m such a fan of this blog! Congratulations on a year! Please keep up the good work and being a model and a resource to all those parents who come after you! Excited to see what blessing the next year has in store for your family.

  62. Kat says:

    You have done an amazing job this year! I know 2012 will bring greater amazements and wonders. Thanks for sharing your life with us!

  63. Andy says:

    A most happy new year to fabulous you, fabulous CJ, fabulous CJ’s brother, and fabulous Dad…and one to Uncle Uncle, too…Your blog has been and is a fun, interesting, and inspirational read…I am not a parent, I am of the “persuasion” (ask UU), I am a teacher who sees many variations…your blog keeps it real and good. Happy New Year to a fabulous family.

    Andy
    in Thailand

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