I Don’t Want My Boy To Want A Boy Costume

Halloween is a reminder of how much our family has evolved.

Back in the days when I picked out C.J.’s costumes and gender wasn’t an issue.

The Halloween before last, our three and a half year old son wanted to dress up as Snow White and we were panic-stricken. What would people say?  How would people respond?  Though we were tempted to, we would not let our boy dress as a girl for all to see – not even on the one night of the year that is reserved for fantasy, role-play and costumes.  Oh, no, instead I sat him on my lap, scrolled through BuyCostumes.com’s “Boys Costumes” section and manipulated him into thinking that those were his only options.

He finally, reluctantly selected a costume.  He slid off of my lap and walked solemnly to his room as I ordered it online.  I felt bad for not letting him dress as he wanted for Halloween, but I also felt like I didn’t have another choice.  What kind of parent let’s their child cross-dress in public?

Besides, I argued, C.J. was getting what he really wanted out of a costume, which was to wear makeup and fabric that “felt nice.” He trick-or-treated as a silly-faced skeleton, wearing a black satiny polyester blend getup with a face full of black and white make-up that would have impressed the girls and boys working the MAC counter.

It was fine, but it was not Snow White.

Halloween was over and I figured that our boy’s “girly phase” would be done by the next October 31, at which time he’d pick a “boy costume” and we would forget about the Snow-White-Skeleton Halloween.

Twelve months later, C.J. was four and a half and wanted to dress up as Frankie Stein, (the teenaged daughter of Frankenstein and star pupil at Monster High) for Halloween.

By that time we had realized that our son’s penchant for all things girly was not a phase, it was his way of life.  We knew that he was gender nonconforming.   We knew that he was going to want a “girl costume” for Halloween.  We weren’t panic-stricken like the year before, but we were scared.

If he were an only child, he could get all dolled up in full drag and rock the hell out of All Hallows’ Eve.  But, he wasn’t an only child. And, while C.J. might not get teased if he wore a “girl’s costume,” his older brother probably would. We were committed to letting C.J. wear the costume of his choice, as we worried incessantly about the effects it might have on his brother.

Our one condition was that C.J. had to wear a wig.  His dad and I both felt like we could really hide (protect) him and his brother with the use of a wig. A wig felt like a safety net.  I took C.J. shopping for his costume early in the morning in the middle of the week so that no one would see his selection.

C.J.’s Brother was less-than-thrilled about his little brother dressing like a girl and parading himself proudly around our community for Halloween.  For all of us but C.J., the holiday’s happiness was damped by worry.

C.J.’s costume is not this slutty. Swear.

This year for Halloween, C.J. wanted to dress up as Bloom, a fairy from Winx Club.  None of us gave it a second thought; we just bought the costume.  No manipulative online browsing.  No off-hour trip to the costume store.  No panic.  No worry.  No nothing.

The costume didn’t come with a wig and I didn’t get one.  Bloom has red hair and so does C.J.  His isn’t long like hers but I figured that we didn’t need a wig.  I didn’t feel like we needed the protection that a wig felt like it provided last year.

C.J. freaked out.

“I need a wig!   I want a wig!  If I don’t have a wig people will know I’m a boy.  They’ll know it’s me!” he said mid-meltdown.

“Okay, okay, we’ll get a wig.  I promise,” I said.

“Today?”

“No, but before Halloween.”

His dad, brother and I hadn’t given this year’s costume choice a second thought.  And, just as we three got to the point of not caring about what other people might say or think or do, C.J. was just beginning to care, take such things into consideration and modify his behavior accordingly.

Now it saddens me to think that next year he might want a “boy costume” to avoid negativity, stares and judgment from other people.  Now, I don’t want my boy to want a boy costume.

About raisingmyrainbow

RaisingMyRainbow.com is a blog about the adventures in raising a fabulous, gender creative son.
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54 Responses to I Don’t Want My Boy To Want A Boy Costume

  1. meekins says:

    Oh my goodness. I know people keep saying how lucky CJ is to have parents like yourself and your husband….but it’s all true and you need to know it again and again. I become so teary when I read your posts, just to know that this child can be whoever he wants to be. As adults, we have so many emotional wounds from childhood and things our parents did or didn’t do. CJ will of course face troubles with society as he grows older, but thanks to parents like you he will a) already have the support system and confidence in himself and, b) the more people like yourself see the world in a non conformed gender view, the more people will embrace it.

  2. J.Rae says:

    When I read this, I cried.
    CJ,you have the best mommy. I wish more moms were like this.
    This day in age, where men wear skinny jeans and eyeliner, and you cant tell the men’s department from the women’s, you would think he would have been openly accepted everywhere. As he should be.
    BE WHO YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN, NEVER COMPROMISE FOR ANYONE.
    And always know….Your mommy rocks.

  3. mindymorris says:

    I broke in to tears reading this. I can so easily relate to your feelings. When my younger sister first told us she was a lesbian, I remember selfishly trying to change her mind. (How naive of me to think that was within my power). Now, several years later I would fight harder for her rights than even she might. I want her to be happy. I want her to be exactly who she is and love exactly who she loves. She is older and has come to terms with all of the negativity and judgment that she sometimes faces, and I have been through the full cycle of acceptance on my end. I love your closing sentence: “Now, I don’t want my boy to want a boy costume.” He is so lucky to have a mom like you.

  4. Sas says:

    I’d never heard of Frankie Stein before, but she looks like one cool rock chick! Kudos to your little boy for picking her as his costume.

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  7. Bonnie G says:

    I love your blog and every post I read overwhelms me with emotion as I relate to every situation with my own son. This brings me back to past Halloween seasons, in a panic, wondering “what would my son chose this year and how will I handle it”. We did the same “compromising” and worrying for many years. 1 year he went as the green (girl) M&M, and another as a “wizard” with a long blonde wig. Halloween is the one time a year you should be able to “be what you want to be” ! Im so happy to hear you are now letting CJ decide what he wants. I wish I had learned that earlier.

  8. purplemary54 says:

    That was really a nice post, but it broke my heart just a little. I hope next year C.J. feels comfortable enough to wear whatever he wants, boy or girl. Or neutral. You never know; he might want to dress up as an ipod or something next year.

  9. lynniejames says:

    Your son seems fabulous! I hope he enjoys his costume and I hope that he will never want to conform to societal norms, just as he’s decided not to conform to our binary system of gender. :) Happy Halloween!!

  10. MB says:

    I feel so much for you. I have always taught my children to be themselves and everything was fine until my oldest started kindergarten this year. It crushes my heart every time she tells me that she has to do something a certain way because other people do it too. Aaaah!

  11. emmamulligan says:

    I’m really sorry that C.J.’s feeling pressured and ashamed; I think you’re dealing with it really well, though.

  12. Dana says:

    My 7 year-old son is dressing as Lagoona Blue from Monster High tonight at our Halloween carnival where I am a second-grade teacher. In the past, I had always tried to steer him toward the more “boyish” costumes and felt terrible about it, knowing it wasn’t what he truly wanted. This year I’m making more of an effort to support him, even though I’m a bit terrified of the response from other parents and his classmates. Being a teacher at the same school he attends adds that much more pressure, but when it comes down to it, I care much more about my son feeling empowered and loved than anything else. When I asked him how he feels about being laughed at or possibly teased he said, “You know what, it’s Halloween and everybody can be who they want to be and I can too!” I couldn’t agree more! And yes, he’s got an AMAZING wig and the costume totally rocks–even his ( rather squeamish, but supportive) Nana thinks so. Thank you for always letting us other parents know we’re not alone and I also want to thank you for contributing to the Anti-Bullying course at CSUF I enrolled in this past summer. Your story was amazing and it was like looking into a mirror for me and my husband as we listened to your story. Keep up your amazing work!

  13. I just found your blog tonight and have to tell you how wonderful it is, and you are. CJ is incredibly fortunate to have such supportive parents. I’m sure there are many LGBT adults who wish their early childhoods were made easier by parents who let them be who they truly are.

    Thank you for sharing your story :)

  14. Karen says:

    I’ve been following your blog for a while now. I found you shortly after my wife and I started fostering our then 5 1/2 year old daughter. I wasn’t quite sure how she was going to deal with the fact that she had two mommies OR how the kids in her class would deal with it. She got over it a lot quicker than I did…as did the kids in her class. She’s now legally ours and 8 years old.

    This year, she wants to be a Vampiress for Halloween. I just blogged about my own experiences buying a costume for her. We walked into one of those Halloween Spirit stores to find 18 katrillion different kinds of Vampiresses. She picked out a costume and I was oh, so happy to find out it was too big for her because it cost $40!!! We went back to Target (where all of this craziness started) because I convinced her that really all we needed was a cape. We could put together a Vampiress costume with black skinny jeans, a black t-shirt, painted face and a black cape/cloak thing. She agreed and so began our search. I turned the corner and spotted the PERFECT cape! One problem: it said ‘boys costume’ on it. You’d think I took the air out of her lungs the way she reacted. I said, assuredly, “I’m sure there’s one for girls.” WRONG! We ended up back at the boys cape and I had to look at her and say “I want you to ignore the word B-O-Y-S and focus on the word V-A-M-P-I-R-E. It doesn’t matter WHO the cape was made for, it’s what we need for your costume, right?” She nodded, reluctantly. Fortunately, one of the capes was opened and hanging half off the hanger. I got her to try it on and the smile that came over her was PRICELESS! Whew. As I was asking her to ignore the word b-o-y-s, I was thinking of you and CJ and wondering how you maneuvered Halloween with those pesky words that delineate gender specific costumes.

    Hope CJ (and all of you) have a great Halloween!

  15. nosycrow says:

    Hello. I am a London-based publisher of children’s books and apps. I was directed to your blog, which I read with interest and pleasure. I mentioned CJ in this blog post: http://nosycrow.com/blog/books-for-girls-a-follow-up-from-a-personal-perspective

  16. Matt O'Neill says:

    If it means anything…having a solid group of friends who don’t judge definitely helps. This year my friends and I are all dressing up as different Britney Spears(es) and going out together. Now dressing up in goofy drag doesn’t bother me as I’m VERY outgoing but some of my other quieter gay friends have never worn heels! And they decided to do it this year with us. Having a solid group of loyal non judgmental friends (even girlfriends, the “hayyyy” kind) can really keep someone true to themselves.

    PS if CJ likes women’s cloths, as a 23 year old goof ball, I recommend getting him in heels…cause my ankles are KILLING me by the end of Halloween night (I don’t know how you moms do it…).
    Have fun this year!

    -Matt

  17. sweetpea616 says:

    I am a girl. I have a younger brother. And for one Halloween, I dressed up as Robin Hood. It really wasn’t any big deal… and neither were all the high school boys dressing up as girls at my school :) And all my neighbors thought I was the cutest thing ever. It’s really pretty sexist that girls can gender-bend costumes at any age, but it’s only acceptable for guys after a certain age. I don’t see anything wrong with letting him do what he wants, since it’s Halloween. The whole point is for people to dress up and be whomever they want to.

    So I hope he has a great time this year! And if he ever wants a ‘boy costume’, it’s because he thinks it’s awesome, not because he feels it’s his only choice. (PS- super glad that the Bloom costume isn’t as revealing as it is in the show. I adore that show, but would hesitate to get an exact copy of those clothes for any small child, boy or girl!)

  18. belle says:

    OMG, this post and these comments are so sweet. It’s heartwarming to know that there are still so many thoughtful and supportive parents out there.

  19. Karin says:

    I have a gender non conforming girl and she goes gender neutral. She is 1p and is going as a Lego. Her girly twin sister is going as a vending machine. They have never had a love of a specific character so we seem to always do gender neutral costumes. maybe he will go in that direction for next year :)

  20. Jamey B says:

    I was watching the show “What Would You Do?” last week and they did a segment on children buying Halloween costumes….boys wanting to be princesses and girls wanting to be Spiderman and such, it made me think about your blog, because of your blog I would definitely stand up for those children :)

  21. You are such a great, supportive parent. I saw this earlier today, and it broke my heart.
    http://www.thefrisky.com/2012-10-24/little-boy-learns-he-cant-be-a-princess-for-halloween/

  22. lutiesmom says:

    thanks for tips on boots, etc. My 7 yr old son is wavering between monster high abby bominable, winx’s bloom, and pixie hollow’s periwinke. The decision will be last minute, fraught, but hopefully fun. He has been watching youtube videos of how to do moster high makeup (good thing, because I’m bad at that). I wish us all good luck and happy trick or treating!

  23. myboylikesgirlstuff says:

    My son wanted to be Minnie Mouse for Halloween this year. We were invited to 3 parties and he sadly and purposely chose Spider Man “because they don’t know I’m a boy who likes girl things and they will laugh at me.” It breaks my heart that on a night kids get to be who they want and what they want my 5 yr old feels – again – like he has to hide.
    The up side of this is: we know 2 other families with Rainbows and we are having our own fabulous party! We are all so excited! He has his Minnie costume AND NOW wants me to contact the parents at one of the parties and “tell them I am a boy who likes girl things and not to laugh at me because I’m going to wear my Minnie Mouse costume.” I am so proud of him… and nervous for him (and his big brother). Hell, I’m nervous for us as parents, too. Sigh. I guess it comes along with the territory.

  24. Victoria says:

    I really don’t understand the fuss about dressing up on Halloween. It’s DRESS UP, you are supposed to be something your not (I’m not a bee, but I can certainly dress like one). Dressing up as another gender shouldn’t have any one thinking twice. When I was a kid boys had a least one year as a girl, but the funny thing was it was never a princess, or fairy it was just GIRL.

  25. Brenda Bos says:

    I am so grateful to hear about the journey, with all its twists and turns. Thanks for reminding us that even when parents are ready, sometimes the kids are not, and sometimes when the kids are ready the parents are not. And this is about EVERYTHING, not just gender issues. Thank you!

  26. Vic Anne says:

    This breaks my heart. I just want to give C.J. a giant bear hug and tell me don’t worry about what other people think. They are just too jealous of ho fierce he is. I know you’re doing great, C.J.’s mom, keep it up! It might be that he overheard someone talking negatively about transvestites (thus he does not want to be viewed as a boy as girl) or he is worried about what C.J.’s brothers friends are saying or will say and tease his brother, and maybe there are kids in the neighborhood that are teasing him when no adults are around. I hope it gets better!

  27. It sounds like raising a gender variant kid is tough work and trying to be a parent that supports and doesn’t overlay societal concerns onto your kid is equally as tough, so I applaud you voicing your difficulties and desires in trying to be understanding.

    However, can I just raise one nitpick? It’s really not okay to call things or people “slutty” — short skirts are not indicative of anything other than someone who wants to wear a short skirt. If your son wants to express himself in a way that’s very girlish/feminine, relegating some of these things as “slutty” *(I’m guessing you mean sexually provocative, which is also extremely problematic, because it means clothes can indicate someone’s sexual behaviour or that it is inherently wrong) is going to be something he digests about himself as well as other people.

    • Abby says:

      I definitely agree with the slutty comment. Granted, I don’t know who either of the character s are, but if the second girl (or whatever she is) is from a children’s show, shouldn’t she be wearing…more? I don’t have children of my own, so maybe I’m out of the loop. It’s not just the short skirt and the tummy that shows but the idea that the people making these characters up have to sexualize them irritates me.

      That having been said, CJ’s Mom, my heart breaks just a little at the thought of CJ being more aware of what other people think (and that it matters). You’re family has changed and evolved and I think that is something you should be proud of. I hope CJ and his brother have fun this Halloween.

  28. I thank you all for allowing C.J. to make his own choices when it comes to these matters. HE knows that his preferences are safe with you, his family. He is becoming aware that these choices might bring him some trouble with people outside his family. And I think that this awareness is ok. He is becoming aware of people around him and that is a good thing…as long as he knows that YOU all have his back and that he can be himself with YOU. I think you are like a pioneer family, breaking the path for others to feel more comfortable to follow; and for that I thank you. You are ALL very courageous. C.J.’s big brother especialy deserves a great big “awesome” from all of us….Christie

    • mujer says:

      I, too, thank you for allowing CJ to make his choices. As a mom of a now 21 year old gay son, I have learned that kids that are not hetronormative HAVE to develop that awareness, sadly, as part of safety and awareness of self-protection. My son tells me of his ability to be” free” with his LGBT friends at private parties and gay bars. However, he is not “free” to expose of his gay expression at work parties. We all censor and change parts of our behavior depending on circumstances and behavior/societal expectations. People that can’t filter their behavior have problems being successful. What is important is having a safe place. Until non-hetronormative-ness is totally acceptable, all people of minority status develop bi-cultural (I am Latina) coping skills. I am different with my Latina friends than my other friends BUT I am still the same person! I live in two different worlds and go back and forth. As everyone becomes more comfortable with gender variation, CJ will be free-er. My son, although a generation older than CJ, has been in threatening situations and because of his martial arts, intuitiveness, internal strength, ability to discern danger, and ability to walk in straight worlds and gay-bi-trans worlds has been able to deal with these effectively and retaining his integrity, gay pride. and self esteem. I believe that this started with his parents unconditional love and support. But, we stepped up, took him to PFLAG and attended ourselves, worked ourselves at coming out of “our” closet, realized that we and him walk seperate developmental paths in this process. We were involved with him in his GSA, his involvement in GLSEN, etc. We supported him when he had to go back in the closet when he had a schlorship abraod in a homophobic country- when he skyped home crying. He is now in leadership positions and in a wonderful relationship. The word is “navigate”. I grieved that things in the world are not as they should be and I continue to grieve and work in my community for a homeless teen shelter to have a place for gay kids to go to when kicked out. My son was a role model in high school and we had kids coming over to talk privately with him as they trsuted no-one. I see CJ as becoming a leader!!! Good going, Mom!

  29. Steve says:

    After my brother dressed as a girl for Halloween one year in the early 1970’s, I insisted on it the next year. When my older brother did it, everyone thought it was hilarious and campy. However, being a boy like C.J., I carried it off so well that some neighbors were trying to figure out what character this little girl standing at their door was supposed to be! My mother let me wear her own wig, as it was popular then for women to wear wigs to parties instead of having their hair styled. And I wore a dress of my sisters with a pair of my mothers low heeled shoes that were a bit too big. My mother even fastened a pink lace ribbon to the wig to finish it all off. I can only speak for myself, but knowing that I “passed” as a girl that magical night and had been allowed to walk in the world without hiding the side of myself that connected so strongly with the female….well it was amazing. And of course in the 1970’s in North Carolina, it was a bold move for my parents. So personally, I understand the insistence on the wig. Drag Queens often refer to their wigs as their “flair” and won’t leave the house without it. It completes the transformation into the character they will portray for the evening. And yes, it provided a feeling of safety that night long ago to know I was not recognized, but it also gave me a sense of freedom! Just as many actors feel freer to breathe as their character once they are wearing the full costume and makeup. You and C.J. are my heroes – Happy Halloween!

  30. Stephanie Millard says:

    This year my 10 year old son wants to be Lady GaGa in the meat dress no less! Last year he didn’t want a costume at all and came up with one himself. He was a nerd. This year he decided to be what he wants and not care about conforming! I am so pleased he found his inner strength and is rockin what he loves!

  31. Tracie says:

    This is the very first year our son (7 years old) finally felt comfortable enough to wear what he really wanted for Halloween….in years past he was always too scared of being made fun of and selected boy costumes accordingly. This year he wants to be Draculaura….we didn’t give it a second thought, his older brother is his biggest supporter, but I am sure there will be moments where neighbors may not understand. We have already been shunned by two neighborhood families because they cannot fathom why we “allow” our son to be gender creative. :( He will be wearing a wig too….I could care less about him wearing one, but I know he will feel more comfortable because he will be less likely to be recognized….breaks my heart that he has to feel that way! Oh and the shoes……go to Pinterest, there is an awesome pin about how to make boots out of duct tape! We are in the process of making some rockin’ pink boots with black shoe laces!

  32. George says:

    Heartbreaking . . . he wants to be seen as a girl, but not as a boy trying to be a girl? I agree that the wig is part of the costume, but his “they’ll know I’m a boy” is distressing. I must admit to wondering why he doesn’t have long hair . . . most boys like him seem to. Has he ever expressed a desire to let his hair grow?
    Well, I suppose learning the ability to camouflage himself was inevitable. He’s very lucky to have a family who supports him through it all! Hugs to you and yours!

  33. mfarris70 says:

    You and CJ’s dad are great parents for letting your sons be who they want to be and recognizing and dealing with the consequences. It sounds like CJ is beginning to get a taste of peer pressure. I’ll guess that CJ will realize that he doesn’t need to hide in his costume. Best of luck!

  34. Conforming is a part of life. we all do it. I would just follow his lead wherever it takes him.

  35. Dr. Sayers says:

    Parenting is definitely not for wimps! Hope you all have a fun Halloween being whoever you feel like being in the moment!

  36. shelly says:

    My son is going through the same thing. He really wants to be Draculara for Hallowe’en, but instead decided to be a generic male vampire, because he’s “too embarrassed” to be seen out in a “girl costume.” Ironically, he has no problem playing out in the front yard in one of his many dresses, and runs up to neighbors to say “hi.” It’s heartbreaking, and all we as parents can do is be supportive and provide guidance as best we can as our kids figure out their place in the world.

  37. 'Angela' (John) says:

    I salute you both, without reservations, and how I wish that I could have been in CJ’s shoes.

    My Mother was marvellous, but my Father, an unknown. All I really knew of him was the body, but never the person who inhabited it, and his brooding presence damaged us all – my Mother, me, and my brother and sister. I took shelter in fantasy, becoming the little girl who later took the name ‘Angela’, and cross-dressed to heighten the illusion and totally escape the utter misery of a little boy who desperately wanted his Father, but could never have him.

    I understand my Father now, although he is long since dead, and I pity HIS childhood, and regret that he never came to terms with it as I have mine. I’ve adjusted: I’ve had to! I no longer retreat into fantasy, but I still cross-dress, the difference being that it is quite open, and that it is accepted as a part of me. I’ve found that the clothes allow me to express ALL of me, the man that my Father would have ‘approved’ of, and the more human and feminine side of me that needed a means of open expression.

    And that’s where you score so highly, and you have my utmost admiration for your stand in allowing CJ ‘to be,’ without pressure, and with the lightest touch possible. There’s no doubt that he/she will feel some peer pressure, but you have given him/her the freedom and support that’s so important to a child during the early formative years to be just their own person.

    • Marisa says:

      This was so, so beautifully written. You rock.

      • 'Angela' (John) says:

        Thank you Marisa.

        I would have written more, but this thread if for CJ, not for me.

        I am so heartened that children like CJ are beginning to get what they need, rather than what society used to consider that they should have; it’s been a long time coming.

  38. Mark says:

    You are amazing. I can’t imagine where this adventure is going to lead, but CJ has the most amazing parents. And his older brother too. Or, her older brother too. Whatever. The only thing you need to know as a child is that you are loved. And CJ so obviously is.Well done.

  39. Christina says:

    I thought of you and your CJ while I sat at home and watched this episode of WWYD. As I sit here reading this blog entry, I am again reminded of the episode, and found it on YouTube. The last woman, Sally Rahman, was the saving grace. I cried the whole time she was on. I’m so thankful there are people who are willing to teach their children that everyone is different and that it’s okay to be yourself. You have made a significant impact on me and my future children. Thank you for sharing your life with myself, and everyone else. One person can make a difference. You are doing it. Thank you.

    Here is the segment on ABC if you didn’t see it…
    http://youtu.be/MFn81_HAvWg

  40. Tommy says:

    Are there two different things going on here? I adore all of you, but this time are you still projecting on C.J.? He is very image conscious, and the character has long hair. He likes wigs. You didn’t get a wig, so the ‘look’ wasn’t up to his expectations. I would really like to know if he feels he needs a wig to ‘hide’ as you suggest, or is the costume simply incomplete without it?

    When C.J. is a famous creative person, I could not imagine him allowing anything he does to be ‘less than’ because you have raised him to know he is not ‘less than’. Then again, maybe I’m projecting my “inner C.J.” on him. Pictures Please!

  41. Jo Hadley says:

    Hey CJ’s mom, your blog reminded me of my very first blog I ever wrote which was called “From Snow White to Ninjas”. http://handsomeinpink.com/blog/2010/02/26/my-five-year-old-ninja/ My 2- year-old son started off deep into Snow White, but leap frogged over the years over many different characters and ended up 4 years later as a ninja. I felt open to him continuing on the female character trajectory but it didn’t seem to be his path. Last year was Harry Potter and now we are at Frodo Baggins. Our children are like flowers coming into bloom and the characters they connect with at different ages just vividly tell the story.

    In my opinion, CJ wanting the wig for his costume so he can hide being a boy is all just part of the process of growing up and becoming aware of your peers. So first grade! He started off so comfortable with himself and now seems to be less so. But you guys have been so ultra supportive of who he is, not even thinking about getting him a wig this year— that’s so great! He will circle around again and be more comfortable. Maybe next Halloween? Maybe a few more down the line. He’s just opening his petals in just the right way he is meant to.

    Happy Halloween!

  42. I think it’s very nice that you are so supportive of your son’s choices. I hope you all have a happy Halloween.

  43. Jesse says:

    I think that as supportive as your family is CJ is still going to go through a phase where peer pressures may affect some of these types of choices. What is important is that the home you are providing makes him feel comfortable to be himself and that is priceless. Kids are so smart nowadays and far more accepting than when I was a kid. I would guess that he will go through moments of self doubt but your love and his sass will get him through the toughest of situations.

  44. Lynda M O says:

    Evolution amazes me – in all its incarnations: from the bumble bee that shouldn’t be able to fly to kids who push gender norms that move the Overton Window for future generations.

    Happy Halloween to everyone who loves to be someone else for a day or a lifetime.

  45. My son is going to be Ariel (the Little Mermaid) for Halloween, but not at school. He doesn’t want people to see him as Ariel, so he’s going as Optimus Prime (a costume from a couple years back). We’re going trick or treating with a specific family because he knows that they won’t think he’s weird to be a girl for Halloween. He and the oldest girl are both Ariel. I think the boys are going to be boys, but on a day-to-day basis, they might show up wearing “girl” clothes. I’m sad that he’s embarrassed to be a girl at school or in front of all of his friends. It’s Halloween after all!
    As an aside, I knew a family of 4 boys and 1 girl (in that order) and the boys always dressed up as girls for Halloween. One year, they were all characters from the Wizard of Oz. It was great!

    • Jodie says:

      My son is doing the same thing (he was totally into this at first but is now sort of reluctant about it). Male cartoon character at elementary school-he is in kindergarten-and Alice in Wonderland for trick or treating. We have also chosen our trick or treat pals carefully. I wish it wasn’t so hard…

  46. Oh my god… this breaks my heart. =( When he wanted to hide it from his Kinderbuddy, that was one thing. While it was concerning, it might have been just him selecting who he shared that bit of himself with but this just… I can’t even explain it. I wish I knew what happened to make him suddenly want to hide this part of himself. We just read bits of his life online, though it literally seems he went from being proud of who he is to wanting to hide it from people over night.

  47. Heidi says:

    I love you CJ…my daughter is 6 and dressing up as Frankie Stein this year. We’re stuck on shoes..,. Any advice?? You are perfect CJ…. And for all the judgmental people out there, there are also people like us who’ve got your back. Xoxo. And I’m serious about needing shoe advice!

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