Contact

C.J.’s Mom/Lori Duron

Facebook.com/RaisingMyRainbow

Twitter.com/RaisingRainbow

RaisingMyRainbow@gmail.com  (I read every email the day it lands in my inbox.  I wish I were as great about replying in a timely manner.  Your patience is greatly appreciated!)

P.O. Box 444, Trabuco Canyon, CA  92678

Publicist:

Sarah Breivogel

Random House

sBreivogel@randomhouse.com

212.572.2722

Representation:

Kari Stuart

ICM

KStuart@ICMPartners.com

212.556.7929

 

If you are in crisis or need immediate support please call:

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-TALK (8255)

The Trevor Project: 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386)

The GLBT National Help Center Hotline: 888-THE-GLNH (888-843-4564)

The GLBT National Youth Talkline: 800-246-PRIDE (800-246-7743)

97 Responses to Contact

  1. Blessings to you and your family! I lived with guilt and self loathing and hid my gender identity as a MTF transsexual for 59 years before finally transitioning quite successfully last year. It’s wonderful to see parents who love their child enough to let them express themselves however they need to. These children may never know the heartache and grief you have spared them.

    Bless you!

    Theresa

  2. DonnaT says:

    Isn’t it crazy that in this connected world, we can still feel all alone!?! I have been googling things for YEARS looking for support in how to help raise my (now 7yo) son to be strong, confident and happy with who is he. My husband, his twin brother and I completely LOVE and accept him JUST AS HE IS. But I haven’t found a way to keep the rest of the world from introducing their own prejudices and pre-conceived notions! And every time they peck away at my son and I see him repress and deny his natural self, my heart just crumbles and then we go work at building him back up. I LOVE all that you, Lori have to say and share and I LOVE hearing from other adults reflecting on their childhood. And I love having other parents on board, too – to help navigate this awesome journey. I feel like I have finally found a place to call home!! I am pulling up a chair and planting myself at your kitchen table for the next 10 years (or more)! Now, can we just all move into the same neighborhood together?? ;-)

    • LiberalMom says:

      Yes, we should all live in the same neighborhood….or at least same city. How much easier would life be on a daily basis!!??!!
      Lori, than you for your book…I finally (!!) finished it, and I cannot tell you how many times I cried reading it. I feel so connected with you and your family. My rainbow started Kindergarten this year and we have not had the talk with his teacher in fear that she will judge him before she knows him….Reading how wonderful the teachers CJ has had makes me think maybe we should, but it all feels so private. ARGH…. I am so thankful for our little boy, and if he wants to grow up to be a girl (like he says) then we will be there 110%. So happy to have found your blog, your book and also to be able to read all the messages from other families that makes this a little bit easier. At least we know we are not alone:-)

    • Hello. My name is Lori. I am a male to female transsexual. I was initially raised by my mother, 10 year older sister and later on my Grandmother. I wish there were people and places I could have reached out to when I was a child. My mother, which I found out much later, was afraid I would grow up to be gay because of the lack of a father figure. My mother kept reminding me that I was a boy not a girl. I wasn’t allowed to jump rope because, “That’s for girls.” I wasn’t allowed to skip because, “That’s for girls.” My mother got mad at me everytime I made a friend that was a girl. When I told her I made a new friend that was a girl she would say, “Another one? Another girl?” She was so mad when she said it. I became so self-conscious that when I was watching TV and a traditional “Girl’s” commercial would come on I hid my head in the couch until it was over. I guess I was afraid of my mother catching me. I wasn’t even allowed to have G.I. Joe dolls because she told me that they were dolls and “Boys don’t play with dolls.” I had it very in school. Boys wold pick on me and call me names and beat me up everyday. Till this day I am afraid of males. I don’t want to have any male friends now anyway because I have more in common with women. I also feel they are less intimidating. I live in a small town now in rural Pennsylvania and it’s no picnic. The people here are very ignorant and cold. I live alone and am very lonely. There aren’t any people here like me. I get no respect in this town. All because I am “Different.” I can’t stop being who I am. I live fulltime as a woman. It takes courage but I do it. I do plan on trying to get housing outside of this county. There is nothing here to hold me. Hopefully I won’t feel so lonely after I move. I just wish people wouldn’t be so judgemental and prejudice against me. I wish people would try to get to know me. I could be a good friend, but people stay away from me. I guess if I did drugs or dealt drugs or drank a lot and got into fights and trouble with the law like most people in this town, I’d be accepted. That’s not me. I am a good person. I am honest and sincere. If only people would give me a chance.

      • LiberalMom says:

        Hi Lori,
        Not sure if you have facebook or not, but if you do there are actually quite a lot of groups for transgender (and others) out there. And please: MOVE! If you are not happy where you are and have the ability to move; do so. We only live once and being unhappy all the time is NOT the way to live. Best of luck!!

  3. Oliver Grannis says:

    In the middle of reading “Raising My Rainbow” and I just needed to say thank you, you are doing the world a great service.

    Although I’m not in a similar situation, as I do not have children, I was a child who wanted “girl toys” to my parents dismay. They had fights, that my mother usually won, I would sometimes get one if those toys.

    My wish is that more people will become like you and your family because there are a lot of families in similar situations. I will read your blog and pass on the information as often as possible.

    Again, thank you,

    Oliver

  4. Andrea Valiante says:

    Dear Lori,
    Thank you for sharing your family’s adventure! I read (devoured and loved) your book! I am inspired to begin my own blog and reach out to my local PFLAG chapter for support. For quite a long time I felt that I was alone as I patented my transgender child. Thank you for reminding me that others value love as much as I do. Best wishes to you and your family always.
    Sincerely,
    Andrea Valiante

  5. Jen says:

    People like you and your family give me hope that maybe someday we will see a world free from stereotypes, inequality and ignorance. I think it is absolutely wonderful that you are raising C.J. and his brother to be completely comfortable in their own skins, to stand up for themselves and for the rights of others, and to be happy with what they see in a mirror. Even loving parents, no matter where their children fall on the gender/sexuality/race/whatever spectrum, have trouble instilling such positive self-image in their kids, as you seem to have managed in yours. I mean, C.J. is able to stand up for himself at 6 better than I can at 29, so you must be doing something right!! I’m so glad that you and your family ended up with each other; you seem like a perfect match!

  6. Carre says:

    Love your book and the blog! Thank you so much for having a voice for all gender creative children!!

  7. Dan Lyons says:

    I recently watch the Doctors and heard your family story It reminder me of my self went I was very young. I wanted to dress-up in girl’s clothing and some time my mother would let me. I hadn’t
    thought of that in a long time. My life turned out great. I been happily married for 56 years. I am now 77 years young, have 5 grown children and 7 grandchildren all very successful.
    I believe that you are great parents who are raising children to be happy and the results of that, is they will be great people.
    3 Cheers to YOU
    Dan Lyons

  8. Mattman says:

    I sent you an e-mail after starting your book, but then I read your husband’s article and I wanted to pass along something to him as well: Sir, you DEFINE the phrase ” to protect and serve”! God bless you!

  9. Amy says:

    Thank you! I’m so happy to have randomly turned on the tv this morning and paused before my son wanted my to turn to Doc McStuffins. We have a gender creative 5 year old son as well, and hearing your message was wonderful. I’m very excited to read your book, follow your blog and see what other networks and resources are out there. You have a huge new fan!

    Amy

  10. I find that Mrs Lori Duron is a parent that every kid and teen could support for having to go through something so big and beautiful. I also think that future parents and current parents could take advice from Mrs Lori Duron, and love your son or daughter no matter what, because CJ didn’t choose to be a girl at heart, he was just born that way. Gay, Straight, Bi, Transgender, or like CJ Gender Nonconformist; you are still a perfect human just wanting to live their life. CJ Different But Still The Same.

  11. Catherine says:

    Loved your husband’s article! My husband is a man’s man too…tall and built with a deep voice, very sports oriented and likes to kick back a few beers with the guys. When I tell people about our transitioned daughter, one of the first things they will ask is how my husband is about it. Well, my husband is an amazing father. He has always generously given his time to his kids. He coached them through many years of baseball and hockey (still does) and has always been in tune to listening to their needs. When our daughter came out as trans at the age of 14, she did not want me to tell her father. Somehow I got through the night without telling him but by the next afternoon I could no longer keep it to myself. If I had thought for one second that he would reject his child, I would have made a different choice but I thought it was in the best interest of my daughter if her father knew and I made the right call. Like most parents of trans kids, we went through the normal phases of grief and a whole lot of worry, but we supported her 100% from the get-go and we advocated for her at every turn. Through the process we watched the person who was once an anxiety ridden, withdrawn boy with low self-esteem, become a happy, outgoing and self-confident young woman. We know with all our heart that we did right by her as her parents. We could not be more proud of her and those in our family who have loved and supported her.

  12. Lee Massie says:

    I read your story in the OC Register today, smiling and crying at the same time. I too was a Rainbow Child, when I was your sons age, back in the early 1970s. I was enthralled with many TV sitcom characters at the time, like I Dream of Jeannie, The Flying Nun, and Bewitched, and wanted to dress in their costumes. So, with the help of my Mother, and my Grandmother, I had my very own home made Jeannie costume (complete with a pair of my mother’s pink pumps), a Bewitched “flying” costume….sort of shaped like the one Samantha wore on the show (only hers was black and mine was white bolstering material), and even my very own Flying Nun hat! My parents never made me feel like I was anything other than a regular little boy, who just happened to like to wear Jeannie costumes up and down the neighborhood blinking at everyone. LOL!!! All of this is to say that, although I have never raised any children in my life, I think what you are doing is fantastically right on the money! Yes, I am gay. Yes, my life has been harder than most other kids growing up during the 70s. I was bullied, called names, physically abused by my peers, and looked down on by teachers and adults who didn’t know better at the time. But through all of that, one thing that I can say for absolute certain, is that my family loved me. Maybe they didn’t like everything that I did (I’m sure that MY older brother got sick and tired of constantly having to protect me from people), but they loved me for who I was; not for what I wore. And that knowledge is invaluable to me today! Above all, when a child knows that his mommy and daddy love him/her, somehow the world is a less scary place. Keep doing what you are doing. Your child is going to be great!

  13. Jeff Cosford says:

    My name is Jeff Cosford

    I am a Christian and a conservative, having that disclaimer out of the way what I would like to say is childhood is the most special important time of life. It should be happy, filled with wonder and discovery and of course play. I don’t pretend to begin to understand CJ’s choices but if they are what fill him with a complete sense of self then he should pursue them. After all its just a color and sparkly stuff is fun. If it makes him feel good then all the power to him. Odd I am finding it difficult to find the write words to convey my opinion. This of course has nothing to do with sex. CJ is simply too young. Probably, my guess is, unprompted most of his schoolmates don’t even notice other than he is quite noticeable because he is quite brightly a attired. I pray that CJ has fun and enjoyment in school and in the rest of his life he should be happy. That is what childhood should be. Not a vehicle for demonstrating the prejudices of the adult world. Liked sex the vast majority of his life will be immersed in that.

    So CJ have fun, play hard, and smile, tomorrow will be another beautiful day for you to explore.

  14. LiberalMom in NC says:

    OMG! First off: book ordered on amazon 5 minutes ago!! The link to your blog (Thanks Yahoo news!) could not have come at a better time. My 5 yr old son sounds JUST like yours and I have been wishing for a blog like this and never could find one….until today!! I will go to Facebook and like your page as I log off here. Thank you again for being so courageous and sharing all this with us in similar situations! Much love!!

  15. michelle snook says:

    I just discovered your blog today and it could not have come at a better time for me. My son sounds just like CJ! I have been ‘warned’ by well-meaning family not to let my son (also 6) wear his pink sparkly shoes to school. I am navagating these waters based on instinct and I am glad to see other moms and dads who are just choosing to embrace it…whatever it is, it is, and giving your child the tools to support and protect themselves along the way! Thank you!

  16. Jason Lawson says:

    I love your blog and applaud you for going public on the Today show. I am greatful how open you and your husband are and that you are bringing awareness how gender is so much more than conforming to society!! I look forward to reading your book (just ordered it today) and reading more about your son and amazing family. Thank you for sharing!

  17. Robert B. says:

    Dear Lori,
    you and your husband are GREAT, WONDERFUL, CONGRATULATIONS. You are heroes with an open heart, mind and soul and your Kid is genial, already more mature than probably the average. YOU are a great ROLE MODEL for going not a step, but miles ahead of our society’s limited rigid mind-set/pattern. You are an inspiration for all of us, for higher learning and understanding which has to start from deep wthin, the mind and heart.
    Cheers,
    Robert

  18. Mel says:

    Just thought I would share what showed up in my email. “Gender Through Comics: A Super MOOC is a Massive Open Online Course (MOOC) that examines how comic books can be used to explore questions of gender identity, stereotypes, and roles.”

    https://www.canvas.net/courses/gender-through-comic-books?tid=E130326001&utm_source=comiXology+Digital+Comics+Newsletters&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=E130326001_MOOC_Gender

    I’m really new here so I apologize if I can’t get the link to show up correctly.

  19. Allison says:

    Hi, I just wanted to say that I recently found your blog and have been reading through it. Every post I read, I sit here cheering silently for C.J., and for your family, about how brave you all are in allowing and encouraging him to live his most authentic, happy life. But at the same time, my heart breaks, when I read that he can’t be who he really is, who he loves to be, in public, and that he is aware and worried about that. It’s very discouraging when we live in a world where people feel they have to hide who they are because others can’t accept it. It makes me so angry. I hope, that someday soon, your son can feel confident and free to be who he is, no matter where he is. Please keep doing what you are doing- you guys are such an amazing family! I wish you all the best, and we will keep working so that C.J. can be as sassy and pretty as he wants to be, whenever he wants to be! :)

  20. Lucy says:

    Hey, I use a website called Stardoll and I saw a doll that reminds me of CJ. It’s a dress-up game of Yohio, a Swedish singer who is male but dresses in very feminine clothing. I can picture CJ using this site when he’s older!

    http://www.stardoll.com/en/dolls/2022/Yohio.html

  21. Didn’t know if you had seen this or not. While I think it’s great that you handle CJ the way you do, I also think it’s great that these parents let their, well I guess they’d want her to be called daughter, be herself in public. These are difficult choices that I’m glad I don’t have to deal with, but I’m always so impressed by the parents who handle them with such aplomb, such as your family and the one in this short video.

    http://www.stltoday.com/news/multimedia/videos/video-colorado-transgender-girl-can-t-use-school-bathroom/html_8cfc99ee-16cf-5c42-bab7-4ad148f58c8b.html

  22. meekins says:

    You’ve probably already seen this, but how beautiful is this article? It’s about a Dad who wore a skirt with his dress-wearing son so he would feel more comfortable http://gawker.com/5938676/father-of-the-year-helps-dress+wearing-son-feel-comfortable-by-putting-on-a-skirt-himself

  23. Maria G says:

    Found your blog very recently. love it. saw this today and wanted to share. http://parentpalace.com/2012/09/monster-high-trick-or-treat-bag-only-2-39-possible-free-shipping/
    its a very cute bag just got it for my little one.

  24. Lexi says:

    You are inspiring. Thank you for sharing a message of love and acceptance. This world needs more people like you and your C.J.
    Best wishes.

  25. What an inspiring family and a beautiful website! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for the smiles that you give us readers and for the encouragement that you are giving to have people listen to their hearts no matter what. I adore your site.

  26. Cris Motta says:

    Have you seen this dad of another son that likes to wear dresses, in Germany? I’m not sure whether it is the “right” thing to do, but who knows what works for each family?
    http://gawker.com/5938676/father-of-the-year-helps-dress+wearing-son-feel-comfortable-by-putting-on-a-skirt-himself

  27. jcatgrl says:

    I wish that you could be my mother. I’m scared to death that my parents will find out that I’m bisexual before I’m financially independent and living on my own. With the horribly homophobic things they’ve said before, so calmly and casually, I don’t think it’s entirely impossible that they would kick me out of the house or worse. C.J. is one of the luckiest little kids in the whole world.

  28. chelle says:

    I just want to say thank you so much for sharing your family’s story. I, too, have a 5-year-old gender-creative son who shares CJ’s penchants for Disney Princesses, Barbies, and dancing! It’s refreshing to know that there’s a whole generation of children being raised with the encouragement to be who they are and the self-confidence to express it. I’ve become a regular reader!

  29. Chris says:

    I love your response to that homophobic pastor. Although I am not religious, I believe that god would want us to love each other, and not harm each other. You and your family are examples of good people, true Christian role models of imperfect human beings who understand part of the perfection of god’s love…. May you and your family continue to be blessed….

  30. The message at the end of this ad made me think of you.
    http://www.wimp.com/beautifulad/

  31. Addicted to your blog says:

    This should be an intersteing read for you. Sounds like Sweden ist the place to be when raising a gender-neutral kid.
    http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2012/04/hen_sweden_s_new_gender_neutral_pronoun_causes_controversy_.html?fb_ref=sm_fb_plugin_activity

  32. momatnineteen says:

    I admire your blogs! I’m so glad you’re supportive. I’m a new mother, and my fiance and I are always talking about how we would react if our son was different than others and how we would take that on as parents. We want to be just as supportive as you are, anyone would be lucky to have even one of they’re parents act as supportive as you are. You’re children are very lucky to have you as a parent. :)
    I’m glad there are supportive parents out there; in my community, there aren’t so many. Keep up the wonderful work and I hope to read your blogs when you post more.(:

  33. Ted says:

    You so rock as a mom! Your boys are beyond lukcy to have you as a parent.

  34. larry bunner says:

    i love the blog and have previously posted. just a thought and i know that the blog is mostly for cj
    but wondered if is was possible to have his brothers input a little more often and the father

    even the father and the brother having a sister blog for their take on all of this

    truly a loving and caring father,mother,brother,uncles,grandparents keep up the good work

  35. Patrick in Chicago says:

    I have such deep admiration for parents who push aside societal/gender expectations to allow their children to simply “be” who they are, with every loving option on the table, within reach. Thank you for sharing your and CJ’s story! My best wishes to you all for your continued happiness. :)

  36. Maggie318 says:

    Please check out the trailer for the movie “Tomboy”. It has limited release but hopefully will come to a theatre near you. It looks like the subject matter is relevant to you and your family. You are a wonderful mom.

  37. cinnageek says:

    :) I have recently started enjoying your blog. I’ve nominated you for the Versatile Blogger award, details are on this post http://cinnawitch.wordpress.com/2012/01/25/the-versatile-blogger-award-surprises/
    And honestly you don’t have to follow the “rules” of linking back to me if you don’t wish. I’m not too fussed about all that. :) But I just wanted you to know that I enjoy your blog very much!

  38. cindy says:

    Was sent hear by a reader of my blog… such a lovely site! We had this fine and fabulous experience this weekend http://www.zachaboard.blogspot.com/2012/01/china-doll-saga.html

    And in general this is what I think… http://zachaboard.blogspot.com/2011/04/if-you-give-boy.html

    I will be passing your site on to many friends. You go mama!

  39. Jennifer says:

    I am so happy to find your blog! We will not be surprised if one of my 8 year old sons is gay. My son loves his ballet classes, he chose pink Mickey Mouse ears at Disney World, he writes in his diary about having a grown up life with a boy, and seems to have a crush on one of the male company dancers at the ballet studio. We are trying to do the “right” thing as supportive parents and so we encourage our children to pursue any interests even if gender nonconforming and regularly talk about gay relationships. However, after I read some of your posts, I feel guilty for discouraging the glittery nail polish. It’s hard to avoid wanting to protect them from teasing. Anyway, thanks for encouraging me even more to let my children be who they are!

  40. TaylorBoi says:

    I know this is a little old but I was wondering if you had seen it. It’s about a teacher learning to approach gender with younger students (1st graders).

    http://www.rethinkingschools.org/archive/26_01/26_01_tempel.shtml

  41. Sofia says:

    I was browsing yahoo and came across a story of two twin boys, one of whom is transgendered. It made me think of you and CJ, if you get a chance:

    http://abcnews.go.com/Health/identical-twin-boys-transgender-brother-sister/story?id=15142268#.TumWL_Im-RN

  42. Hi just wanted to give you a quick heads up and let you know a few of the pictures aren’t loading properly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different browsers and both show the same outcome.

  43. Have you ever thought about writing an e-book or guest authoring on other blogs? I have a blog centered on the same ideas you discuss and would love to have you share some stories/information. I know my readers would appreciate your work. If you are even remotely interested, feel free to send me an e mail.

  44. Amara says:

    I saw some things and thought of your family! First, the children’s book, “My Princess Boy” – I havne’t read it but it popped up on my radar. http://www.amazon.com/Princess-story-about-young-loves/dp/0615395945

    Also, Princess Squinkies – tiny toys (like polly pockets, but rubber) that are Disney princess. http://shop.squinkies.com/toys-1/squinkies-bubble-pack-snow-white.html

  45. Jeremy P says:

    My friend sent me a link to a blog very similar to yours.

    http://getstooobsessed.tumblr.com/

  46. I thought of you and C.J the other day. My 3 y/o son wanted his nails painted like my daughter. She did, it only lasted about 5 seconds because he went outside to play. Later, when I was painting my nails..he wanted his nails done too. I gave my husband the blue nail polish to paint my sons nails. My husband had such a intense look on his face. He gave out a deep breath and then painted his nails. You have to understand that my son can not sit still for very long and has a very short attention span, but he sat there the whole time very calm watching his dad paint his nails. I couldn’t understand why my husband was so bothered that our son wanted nail polish. However, I’m glad he didn’t make a stink and just painted the boys nails. Quiet is very hard to get in our house.

  47. CoRo says:

    PARENTING…YOU’RE DOING IT RIGHT. That is all i have to say to you, you wonderful, gorgeous woman.

  48. Alvy says:

    I grew up just like CJ. From early on, people were constantly telling me “what” I was. You act a certain way, you must be a girl. You act like a girl, you must be gay. This goes on forever! (I’m 58 now.) Maybe we’ll evolve out of this in 1000 years…

    But I decided as a teenager that I wouldn’t allow everyone else to define me; I decided that being bisexual must be the ultimate best way to live. If you want to find a partner for life, why immediately cross half the human race off your list? I ended up marrying a woman with a daughter and then we had another of our own. But all these years later, people are still trying to figure me out, define me, put me in a box. The ambiguity makes them uncomfortable. Sometimes it annoys me; sometimes I get a kick out of their confusion.

    I hope your husband can continue to try to encourage CJ to do some typically boyish things, so he can see that some of them can be enjoyable. He is still a boy, even while wearing a dress. I reacted against those things as a child and did whatever was the opposite, but I see now that I was not the healthiest kid. It’s good to have some physical activity in addition to the imaginative play, for health reasons if nothing else. Gymnastics would’ve been good for me, had anyone thought to encourage it…

  49. Kenny says:

    Hi,
    I just wanted to say that your blog truly inspires me. And it also makes me a little jealous of CJ and his brother for having such an awesome mother and father. About 6 months ago, I came out to my mother and father, and while they said they were fine with it, I know that they will probably never accept me for who I am. My mother still occasionally asks me if I’ve “met a nice girl yet?”, and my father basically refuses to bring up anything involving relationships. I’m just glad that there are parents out there like you who accept your child(ren) for who they are, whether he be a slightly effeminate, possibly gay, totally fabulous son; a slightly masculine, possibly straight, totally rambunctious son; or somewhere in between.

    Much love to you, your husband, and your children,
    –Kenny

  50. LRB says:

    I am writing a paper about parents who encourage their children to be individuals, even if it does challenge social norms. I want to tell you that I think what you are doing for CJ is wonderful and I only wish that everyone could be as open minded as you and your husband. Please, never let the judgement of other’s affect your family. You guys are a wonderful, beautiful family.

  51. Alain Tovar says:

    Hello,
    I heard your story on feast of fun podcast and I want to congratulate you. I wish I have a mother like you when I was growing up. I am gay myself. My mother is a good mother, but the gay issue never was mention. I was teased for been gay, and that makes me become shy and afraid of people, I am 43 years old, and I am doing fine., but I still feel different and uncomfortable around people. I don’t want your child feel less ever. Don’t forget that you have other son, pay the same attention to him too.
    You are the greatest person in the world. I wish you the best for you and your family.

  52. L says:

    Hello, fabulous mother! I just wanted to say that I absolutely love this blog and have been sharing it with a bunch of my friends. I’m a 19 year old super femme-y gay girl who goes to Wellesley College, and I have to say that lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my future wife and children (and the books I will buy for said children). Like you, the women on my maternal side tend to produce gay kids (at least for two consecutive generations), and while I know that it may be a bit of a long shot, your blog made it dawn on me that I could in fact have a gay child. I am indeed very excited for the good things to come my way (especially in the next 15 years) and I know that if one of those good things is a son like yours, or a daughter who, unlike my child-self, does not adore orchestrating her dolls in elaborate fictional tales about fairies and runaways, I am going to give that kid all the support and love in the world, and enjoy it with gusto. Keep up the wonderful work, we are all listening. :)

  53. I just listened to your interview with Fausto and Marc on the FeastofFun.com. You were great! I know so much suffering in the world could be preventing if more mothers and fathers took your loving approach to supporting your children as they grow into who they are rather than who other people want them to be. I appreciate you and wish all of you warm regards and good luck.

  54. Kirk C says:

    thank you for sharing the love & positive attitude you are bringing to your little rainbow. yes, I think it is possible for a child to not ever have to step foot in the closet. what a wonderful concept.

  55. Laura says:

    I am the mom of an 11 year old “rainbow child” and I wanted to say that CJ is so, so lucky to have you as a mom! My son still plays with Barbies and loves doing hair. He lovingly cares for his two American Girl dolls. He is an incredible chef (bakes his own bread from scratch every week) and is a masterful puppeteer. His favorite place is on stage at his school. He has a beautiful voice and loves to perform. His creativeness explodes from every pore of his body. It is such a privilege to parent a child like this! I loved your post that asked if it was possible that a child would never have to be in the closet. I hope that if my rainbow son is in fact gay, he will never feel any need to hide it from us and will simply share it with us with the same ease that a straight kid would share information about his/her crushes and boyfriends/girlfriends.

  56. Alfred Mejia says:

    Your last entry made me cry my eyes out, it was so sweet. My name is Alfred, i’m 18 and gay. Here, on a very early Tuesday morning I sat here on my computer and read all of your submissions, sending my friends on Facebook link after link, quote after quote, probably bugging them to death. But I don’t care. You are to your son, what Lady Gaga is to the rest of the world; a powerhouse advocate of acceptance, love and bravery. You deserve all kinds of awards, and glittery ribbons for what you do, and how much you love your son. You have made it very easy to fall in love with your family just through words on the screen. I love your blog so much, and what you’re doing is so incredibly inspiring. More parents need to be as fabulous as you.

    Love and very enthusiastic rainbows, Alfred, a fan.

  57. john smith says:

    I just want to call myself “John Smith. I can’t say I support your allowing CJ to dress however he wants; you letting him do it and buying him little girl’s toys reminds me of my own childhood growing up. When I was a kid between about 4 and 6 or 7 years old, I played with a dollhouse complete with a family and furniture. I think my dad grumbled a bit over it, my mom seemed mildly supportive and even bought me stuff for it. It was the only really “girl” thing I did. “Don’t even know exactly what I got out of it, really, except for the usual psychobabble of acting out stuff with my dolls. Once Transformers and He-Man came out, I started playing with them and never looked back, and now I’m now a happily married man with a wife and daughter, who’s 4 now. I remember my sisters too, I heard would rather have played with cars and trucks than Barbie dolls, and they grew into heterosexual women and became happily married to husbands, too. Never did our parents allow us to wear “gender different” clothes though. If my own daughter wants to play with a car or two, I’m fine with it, but I don’t think it’s right for me to allow her to dress like a man. She’s a girl and needs to be a girl.

  58. Shawn says:

    Hi there, just wanted to say I love your blog. My boyfriend just came out to his parents recently and it didn’t go over very well (doesn’t jibe with their religious convictions). They may never truly accept that part of him and I know how much he wishes his parents could love him exactly as he is. Thank you for standing your ground and allowing CJ to be exactly who he wants to be so he may never have to feel like that. Stay strong, you are doing the right thing!

  59. Lindsay says:

    I came across your blog after it was mentioned on an article in the New York Times and came over to read it because the title was catchy and the article was very interesting. After reading through your blog, I want to tell you, you rock. Its awesome how supportive you are of your son. What you do is great.

  60. Lyn says:

    Hi,

    I love your blog, and your acceptance of your son. However, I’m struck by the fact that I have two girls – the older one of whom is pretty girly, and I feel the need to fight some of her stereotypical girly behavior. That is, I don’t indulge all her princess wants. She knows that there are no “girl colors” and “boy colors.” She knows lots of LGBT adults (and their kids). But for her own gender-associated behiavor – I want her to know that being a sparkly-, princess-, and dress-loving girl isn’t the only kind of girl there is. I don’t want those to be her role models. So – I applaud your willingness to have your son be who he is (as it is against the grain), but I am struggling with not letting my daughter get swept up into the marketing and gender-conforming juggernaut that is princess and fairyland. Just wondering about your thoughts on it.

  61. George says:

    Hello. My name is George and I am a 30 year old gay man who has been quietly following you, C.J., and your family for a couple of months. I have been in a loving, wonderful relationship with my partner Bill for just over six years. In just a few months we are going to travel to Paris for Christmas (neither of us have ever left the country) and I am going to ask him to marry me – don’t tell anyone.
    So? You remind me of my own parents who always supported me no matter what. I was never in the closet and never had to explain myself to anyone. I never had to lie. I always wanted She-Ra dolls even though my older brother wanted He-Man. I loved the Disney Princesses too. My father, a New York police officer and veteran, took me to see the Little Mermaid in the theater at least five times. For whatever reason, I actually became quite butch once I became an adult, but for my entire youth I was just like C.J. I was even called G.J. and still am by my parents today.
    I don’t know you or you children, but I think you are doing right by them, whoever they are or are going to be someday. I want to thank you on their behalf.

  62. Thomas says:

    As the son of an intolerant and abusive mother, I just want to say how inspiring it is to see a mom who appreciates their son for who he is and not for who she wants him to be. Thank you for this wonderful blog, it has cheered me up so, so much.

  63. larry bunner says:

    i am 60 years old and really really think you should be a postor mom for all “rainbow children” i was raised in a church invironment that touted acceptance, child hood songs, such as jesus loves the little children ,red,yellow black and white. as a tenager i would atend church and then go home to crying and praying if god and jesus really loved me why wouldn’t he take the gay out. was i not praying hard enough, was i not worthy keeping that a secret till i was 58 after a death of a significate other (8yrs) having to come out to family friends and mother i thought i would die.

    you really are what a parent should be
    your childs soft place to fall, a person to guide him, encourage him, accept him,and teach him, to let him become the greatest person he can be. or as a brother with wisdom behonnd his years stated (let him be happy.
    the bible says we are given brothers to be htere in times of adversity

    what a smart guy

    one of my favorite authors is the kahil gibran the prophet his chapter on children (something all should read ) YOU NAILED IT!
    love from my heart
    a gay man
    out of the closet and never going back in.

    larry

  64. Auntie says:

    Hi! I’m the auntie of 2 beautiful little girls. They are constantly labeled……One is over the top girly, princess and all that glam. The other is athletic, loves legos and dinosaurs. Spiderman is her hero and all things her sister doesn’t like. She tells me she is a TOMBOY…another label. Hey I still sing the spidey jingle from the show. No one ever questioned me. It just makes me sad that sometimes she thinks it is an all or nothing. I asked what their fav Disney Cartoon was? She was horrified! A PRINCESS MOVIE??? (I did explain that not all the movies had princesses…..). I wish she understood it was ok to like anything and not peg herself in a hole.

    That being said…I love your site! As a teacher I’ve often told a father he must be a good dad as children model what they see. I love watching boys rock baby dolls and read them stories. Also, who wouldn’t want to dress up in the girl shoes? They clicky clack on the floor. :) Pansies4me

  65. Dave says:

    You are awesome, strongest willed person I have heard of.
    I like the “possibly gay” part, stereotypes are not always true. My brother is straight, married for 25+ years, three kids, the whole works. And he is far more effeminate than me, his (slightly) younger and 100% gay brother. I am sure that he wanted to BE Doris Day when he was younger while I’m the one that still gets followed around by moon-eyed women (to which I am totally oblivious but friends and family find it hilarious)! :)
    Love CJ and he will turn out to be a wonderful human being, regardless of his gender preferences!

  66. Dave says:

    I just discovered your blog. I’m commenting because I just want to say what a terrific mother you are. Your son will turn out to be who he is meant to be without a ton of psychological baggage from his parents. Unfortunately you can’t control his peers, but, you are helping him develop the character to withstand what life throws at him, and to know exactly who he is.

    “Bobito” above has said it perfectly: you are giving CJ and his brother the gift of knowing that whoever they are, they are “OK.” Hey, you might be surprised 10 or 15 years from now when the “butch” one comes out, and CJ brings home a girlfriend.

    I was a gender nonconforming child, to a degree: never interested in “girly” things, but also not interested in, and not good at, team sports (the primary interest of boys when I was one in the 1950′s – 60′s.) In my twenties I discovered individual sports: skiing, hiking, backpacking, mountain climbing, etc.. That was a revelation!

    Today I am a gay man in a 34 year long, very happily married (we live in MA, so legally married 4 years) relationship. I’d have to say that besides our love for each other, the major factor in our lives is the support of BOTH our families, including extended family. Perhaps we are just lucky, but I think this blog is testament to a ongoing change in our culture. Brava!

  67. adriana says:

    K….I read your blog…I love it… Actually, today I went to the store to kid my kiddo’s clothes, milk, etc and I saw Disney’s Tangled outfit and thought of your son:) Recently I started blogging, my S-i-l read it and it is starting a family war. Don’t know exactly why I am telling you this…but….I am…
    I have a feeling I am going to deal with a lot of criticism. I wanna ask you is it worth it? Does the stress go away knowing that people will judge you?

    adee from san antonio tx

  68. Ed Fernandez says:

    I just wanted to let you know that I’m very supportive of what you’re doing with this blog. I come from a very strong Christian background and my son came out to me in his senior year of High School. God never remined me of sriptures pertaining to how he felt about the matter. He remined me of my own words spoken to my children over the years…”We may not alway agree with decisions that you might make, but it doesn’t change my love for you.” I only knew that I had to be there for my son and be available to help him get answers through the proper avenues rather then being led astray or taken advantage of. I have 3 natural sons and 3 daughters as well as 2 step-daughters. I have to say that my relationship with my gay son is one of the strongest I will probrably ever have. I have told him that I feel bad for him, not because he is gay, but because with society, it is a very difficult lifestyle. You appear to being doing much of the same, simply being there for your son with unconditional love and I think that you as parents are both blessed for this. P.S and like everything else, as they get older, there is no reason not to set bondaries…lol!

  69. MEL says:

    I can’t begin to express how happy I am that CJ has you as his mom! When I was a little girl my Christmas lists included cowboy guns WITH holsters, a car carrier and trucks. My mom just shrugged her shoulders, bought them and put them under the tree. My very proper Auntie was APPALLED! HER daughter got dolls, paint sets, dresses, etc…
    Years later I am a straight, married, mother and my dear cousin is a wonderful, gay woman still hiding in the closet from her mother. I’ve always been free-spirited, non-conforming and unconcerned with other’s attitudes and opinions. My cousin has grown up to be a very sad woman, conforming in every public way possible, hiding her true self and hating it. I thank God for my mother who just shrugged her shoulders, kept loving me and gave me the freedom to love myself!

  70. Cristián says:

    Hey!
    This is just a quick comment to let you know I LOVED your site. I found out about you and C.J. from the feast of fun interview and I immediately identified with your son. I’m gay chilean guy myself and I remember when I was a kid, in the late 80s, and asked my parents for a my little pony doll for Christmas. Reluctantly, and after asking me like 10 times if I was really, really sure if that’s what I wanted, they did get it for me. I loved that pony to death. My cousins gave me the worst time and told me that I shouldn’t get toys for girls…
    It was a great gesture from my folks, old time right wing chileans themselves… but what you are doing is just beyond fantastic. If only more parents were like you, there would be way more happy kids on this earth.

    Life is hard enough. Let’s not make toy choice one more of its pains…

    Lots of love and keep it up!

    Cristián,
    Santiago, Chile

  71. sherrie says:

    Hello,
    I am listening to you being interviewed on John and Ken, I just want to say I am so impressed by what you have to say. You are very well spoken and obviously a loving mother. As someone who respects and believes in the constitution and the bill of rights and knows we all deserve to reap the benefits of these founding documents, I am in full support of you and your family. Kudos to you!

  72. Nikita Lostracco says:

    Thank you, Mom, for letting C.J. be C.J. I have yet to read any of the blog/posts. I heard a blip about this site as I listened to KFI640 talk radio and loved the very idea. I will become a frequent visitor now and want to give you kudos and BIG HUGS for being such a great Mom.

  73. Sally Stride says:

    On 3rd April 1986 I gave birth to my second son and we named him Joe. Joe and his older brother were 16 months apart. At the age of about 18 months it became obvious to me that there was something different about Joe. Unlike his older brother who couldn’t have told you if I was wearing a pair of jeans or lacy dress, Joe knew styles, colors and most of all sparkles (it was the 80′s!) and glitter! One of my most vivid memories was one night when I was getting ready for a company Christmas party and Joe was sat on my bed watching me intently as I put on my make up and slipped into my sequined dress, he said “Oh that’s such a pretty dress Mommy”………he was TWO! Prior to that I had noticed his fascination with make up, colors, singing, dancing, dressing up and basically most things associated with little girls.
    His older brother was really into sports and so Joe tried to follow in his footsteps but as others have noted our boy was not a ‘natural’! Instead he asked for figure skating, ballet and gymnastics lessons. He played with Barbies and asked for a baby and stroller for Christmas. He twirled and danced his way through childhood with the support of friends and family alike.
    His Dad and I talked about making it easy and comfortable for him when that day would come that he would want to tell us he was gay.
    We waited and waited, opening the door on the conversation several times, but nothing. Then one day four years ago, just before his 21st Birthday he blurted out that he was gay and how did I think his Dad and his Grandparents would take it. I was shocked to hear that he thought it might be a problem as we had made every effort to make it okay but apparently even with that he was worried about how he would be viewed. I can only imagine the trauma that many young gay men and women go through at the point of coming out. I have heard from several of Joe’s friends about how they were thrown out and have not had contact with parents for years.
    Embrace and nurture our Rainbow Children!

  74. OC Native says:

    I just want to thank you for letting your little boy be himself. Many of us, when we expressed ourselves as he does, were met with disapproving reactions and quickly learned to hide these aspects of ourselves from our families. Hiding, covering up, and lying takes its mental and emotional toll over the years. I’m so glad there are families that accept their children no matter how nonconforming to gender norms they are and let them grow up free of the burdens of guilt and self-doubt so many of us had. I hope the rest of the world eventually adops your philosophy.

  75. Petzi says:

    Oh my!…I just found a twin soul in you!…my little boy shares nearly ALL of C.J.’s favorites…he is 6 and a half now, and is a wonderful dancer, extremly charming being and still enjoys my high heels and dressing up “girly” for fun…what just hurts a tiny bit is, that he now hides his barbies, when boyfriends como over…so he is all aware…and his 12 year old brother doesn’t always help, MAKING him aware…what ever…our boys are little stars, shining strongly…and letting them shine might at times be of strange comfort, but they have soooo much to teach us! Thank you so much for sharing with the world! Huge Hugs from Spain ;-)

  76. Simone says:

    You are the best mom EVER. Regardless of sexual orientation, growing up (and life in general!) is tough, and there will always be challenges, period. As a little girl, I was bullied simply because I was too small and skinny; as a teenager, I was ridiculed for both being a brainiac and having parents that had nicer cars than those of my fellow classmates’ parents (as if I had a choice in what my parents drove!). In other words, sometimes you just can’t win no matter who you are and what your circumstances are–too rich/poor, too pretty/plain, too smart/slow. Bravo to both you and your husband for accepting and loving both your sons, and taking on anyone who dares to unfairly challenge them. Thank you for making the world a better place! P.S. Screw the moms at the fancy park your kids like to go to. They’re all sad clones stuck in the high school mentality waiting for their chance to get on “The Real Housewives of OC.” I feel sorry for their children.

  77. Adam says:

    I haven’t yet gone through the history of posts on this blog, but I do have to say that reading the latest (?) one about CJ’s trip to Disney was all I ever wanted as a child. I’m a 27 year old gay man and I think your attitude is wonderful. When I was younger, my mom got a lot of crap from my dad for allowing her to let me buy an Aladdin doll with my Toys R Us money. And when the Disney Adventures magazine had a contest for more Aladdin merchandise, my mother helped me pen a letter asking that if I won any level of prize, to be sure that it included the Jasmine doll. I never did get that Jasmine doll. Growing up there are so many strong signals from society and family (if they don’t know any better) about gender and sexuality, but there’s nothing that’s going to chance who someone is from the start. You could buy CJ all the trucks and guns and boy toys in the world and it’s not going to stop him from becoming who he was born to be. I applaud exactly what you’re doing and I look forward to knowing how CJ’s fabulous little life is going. I can’t say you’re the greatest mom in the world, because that title belongs to my mother, but you’re doing a damn fine job. My only gripe is that I didn’t know about this blog sooner and I’m going to get nothing done until I catch up on what I’ve been missing!

  78. Chris says:

    I truly believe that CJ is one of the luckiest kids in the world. To have a parent like you who supports their child’s natural development and not force society’s concepts of gender appropriateness is refreshing. I am gay. I played with both “boy” and “girl” toys. My father had an extreme reaction to this to this which has affected me even to this day at 38. I want you to know that what you are doing is what is best for CJ. Screw those other narrow-minded bigots who think they can tell you how to raise your son. If he’s happy, enjoys life, is filled with love, and surrounded by love, then my dear, you’re doing it right!

  79. Chris says:

    like others, i just want to say you are totally awesome. similar to cj as a child, i am now a 22yr old gay man who is incredibly thankful for the way in which my parents dealt with me and my hollywood barbie. like cj, i was given the freedom to explore and play with toys that i wanted, which in small town new zealand looking back must have proved a decent trial for my parents and older brother. I remember some bullying and bad times but for the most part remember how i was never told that i wasn’t allowed the full set of sailor moon dolls, or my subscription to ariel’s world magazine. cj is going to appreciate you so much and i commend you for your choices. will enjoy following your blog a lot.

  80. UCLADaddio says:

    OMG I love this blog .. i love CJ .. I love you and I love the uncle …. im a single gay dad in Los Angeles raising 3 incredible boys all on my own ….they are now 10 13 16… they have known im gay from the get go thats all they have always known…. im a mexican/spanish american who grew up in a latino catholic family…..im a god father to a 6 year old boy who im convinced , as his mother is , that he is a gay boy in training…. she is eternally grateful that I am in his life to guide him … i swear.. this boy knows .. and he knows about me ….at 6 he knows …..but im so happy that I have found your blog … i love this CJ kid …. i love you as a mom for being so supportive … and I really love the uncle uncle who is giving CJ a positive role model to look up to …..i look forward to more updates and am officially a fan of this blog !!! thank you !!

  81. Uncle Moochie says:

    Very entertaining stuff…as a 42 y/o Fabulously Gay uncle, brother and son…I can tell you that I wish that I’d had a mother as evolved, accepting and open-minded as you seem. I didn’t play w/ Barbies growing up, but my favorite tv shows were Charlie’s Angels and The Bionic Woman. My folks didn’t know what to do w/ me, except subconsciously push me into the closet. Well, I’m Out and Proud and living life. I can only imagine how much easier CJ is going to have it growing up w/ a mother like you.

  82. Marci says:

    Hi CJ’s Mom,

    Keep up the fantastic work! Love the blog, love your message and love your strength. I just finished reading Nerdy Apple Bottom’s “Epilogue” and it made me sad. I hope your journey continues with very, very few bumps in the long road.

  83. Mike says:

    As a gay son, let me just say… You are awesome. Keep up this fantastic blog, I’m a fan!

  84. Ruth McIntosh says:

    Happy Birthday, C.J.! :)

    I am a huge fan of your family and your blog, C.J.’s Mom. You are amazing. Thank you for being you.

  85. Julian says:

    Hi,

    I just found your story about how C.J. wanted a “Tangled” Rapunzel doll for Christmas. When I was about 4 or 5 years old, the Disney movie “Beauty and the Beast” came out. My family and I had recently moved for a little stay with my Auntie down in Ohio while my Mom finished her Masters degree. We ended up spending Christmas down there and, I don’t remember if I remember asking for them, but under the tree for me on that Christmas morning were a “Belle” doll and “Beast” doll. Technically, I think Belle was supposed to be for my sister, but everyone knew whose doll that was : ) I was just beside myself, and I would play with those toys for hours. Before then, I had an Ariel doll (who is still my favorite Princess, so yay C.J. for having good taste) and now Ariel had a friend. I think that my parents were a little uncomfortable with it, but they allowed me to grow up into the person I am. I don’t know exactly why your story touched me so much. I think I just wanted to say thank you and thank God for parents like you, who allow their children to discover their own way. There are probably some tough times ahead for your family and C.J., whatever path he chooses but I just hope you know that you’re sending him into the world with all the love and support anyone could ask for.

  86. Mark Chapman says:

    Hi I think you & your family are amazing! I wish I’d have had a Mum like you

  87. Alvaro says:

    I wish there were more moms like you out there! He sounds like an incredibly creative kid, the gay pride Lego was my favorite.

  88. Bobito says:

    Hey, CJ’s Mom – I just discovered your blog. Count me in as one of your fans. I will be reading more soon, as my schedule allows. But I just wanted to let you know, I think that however & whoever CJ turns out to be, he will have a tremendous advantage in growing up with the knowledge that nothing is “wrong” with him, regardless of whether or not he fits in with conventional standards of what is “normal” for a 3 year old boy. It’s one of the finest things a parent can do for her/his child. Best wishes to you & the whole family.

  89. Shar says:

    I love your blog, your awesome attitude, and your fabulous son! He is so lucky to have a supportive mother like you! :)

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