“Mom, I only want three things for Christmas this year,” C.J. said from the backseat as I shuttled him to gymnastics.
“Oh, really? Just three things?” I had a hard time believing the brevity of his list.
“Yes. If I only ask for three things, I’ll probably get all three, right? My chances will be better?”
Then, he proceeded to tell me in length about the three items on his wish list.
He wanted a jacked that, when you put it on and zip it up, makes you totally invisible. When I told him that an invisible jacket doesn’t exist I broke his heart. Later I suggested to Matt and Chase that we buy C.J. a hoodie and when he zips it up we pretend that we don’t see him. Problem solved — except that neither Matt nor chase thought the three of us could successfully pull off ignoring C.J.
The second thing that C.J. wanted was a time machine so that he could go WAY back in time and go to a disco roller-skate party and go “not so far back” in time to play with himself as a baby. He also wanted to go back to the exact moment he realized that he likes “girl stuff,” not “boy stuff.” If the revelation that there is no such thing as an invisible jacket broke his heart, imagine the melancholy he felt upon learning that time machines do not, in fact, exist. I am the crusher of dreams and ruiner of Christmas.
I waited for him to tell me about the third thing he wanted and hoped with all my might that it would be something a little more realistic (and, preferably, orderable from Amazon).
Nope. He wanted a life-size stuffed animal giraffe. When we got home I opened my laptop and showed him several of the largest plush giraffes I could find. We’re talking four to five feet in height.
“How tall is a real giraffe?”
I googled for an answer when I should have just said “four to five feet.”
Real giraffes are 18 feet, so, naturally, C.J. does not want a four or five foot tall plush giraffe.
“Can you think of anything else you might want? Besides those three things?”
“A clear hamster ball big enough from me to get in and run around in. A human size hamster ball.”
Later that night, I sat down with C.J. and helped him create an Amazon Wish List. I let him click away and grow his list until his heart was content — to make up for the afternoon’s invisible-jacket-time-machine-giraffe-height devastation.
C.J. found 67 on Amazon that he has to have.
He wants this seven-inch Taylor Lautner doll to match the three Jacob Black/Taylor Lautner/Twilight posters he has hanging above his bed.
He also wants this 11-inch Taylor Lautner doll.
And, he wants this seven-inch Taylor Lautner doll. Because a boy can never have too many Taylor Lautner dolls.
These heels for when he “goes to a party or has dance parties around the house.”
Because I watched it with him once and he says “it’s one of the best movies of all time.” I have to agree.
Who hasn’t loved Polly Pocket at some point in their life? (“Me” Matt said.)
These are like the new Troll dolls that they had when I was a girl.
I had one of these when I was a girl. They are $50 now. That’s not how much they were when I was little. FYI.
The new Monster High doll’s name is Invisi Billy. He’s the son of the Invisible Man and “has a look that’s all his own.”
He wants these so that he can play Disney Infinity with his brother.
It’s the closest thing to a human hamster ball I/Santa could find.
Happy holidays to all of you and let’s catch up again in 2015!
Dear C.J.’s Mom
I am an artist who would be proud to make C.J. a life-sized plush giraffe.
I just found your blog from the WordPress suggestions for me to follow, I love what I have read so far! Some of your posts bring tears to my eyes, thank you for sharing. My daughter just turned 11 and for the last year or so has been totally into giraffes, she would probably love a life size one too if it would fit in our home! And love in the comments about Obama and lego, for my daughter’s B’day this month she wanted Minecraft Lego 🙂
I just yelled “Monchichi” at the top of my lungs. I always wanted one too! Hope you all had a Merry Christmas and all the best for your 2015!
President Obama supporting the idea that toys are for kids 🙂
The President started putting the sports and the science toys into the ‘girls’ bin. Placing a basketball into the bin, Obama says:
“I just wanna make sure some girls play some ball.”
A person from the crowd queries his decision to put legos in the girls, rather than the boys collection – because they might not like them. The President responds:
“Girls don’t like toys?”
As he continues to sort, he comes across a T-Ball set.
“T-Ball? Girls like T-Ball” and nodding, puts the set in the girls’ bin. The crowd is snapping photos, with some looking a little confused and he adds. “I’m just trying to break down these gender stereotypes.”
CJ is just too far ahead of his time! I, too , would love to go back in time. I’ll go with him, for the “trip” when the time machine is perfected (he can wear pink, but I love blue! ).
Reblogged this on mathtrates123 and commented:
Isn’t that Taylor Launter?
Have you thought about a sewing machine so that he could make his own cloak? They sell ones for just his age at your local Barnes and Noble – if it has the extra toy department. They are small with a lot less power and less scary to use.
Human-sized hampster ball is possible – although not to keep. Zorbing. Take him Zorbing.
When Jeremy was around the same age as CJ, zie asked for the moon and flying reindeer. At least zir third request was easy, albeit not something to stick under the tree. Cheese. Alrighty then.
I hope you all have an amazing Christmas!
I adore you.
https://www.facebook.com/TinyTownNC has a 7 foot giraffe….if that helps. Not sure it would make it to Cali before x-mas though….
Your writing is so hilarious. I love the multiple Taylor Lautner dolls. And CJ’s imagination, wonderful. My son is in second grade too, and I love this age. Tough though, to let them down about anything less magical than their expectations. Mine doesn’t understand why his elf on the shelf can’t bring back photos of Santa’s workshop. Seems like a perfectly reasonable request to him. And to me too, to be honest. 🙂
A baby giraffe was just born at the LA Zoo. It is 6′ tall. So a 5′ stuffed giraffe isn’t far off.
Beverly Hills Troop is Fabulous. going to have to watch it again!
I love CJ!!!! Well done mom aka Santa! Still think we need to set a play date!
Have you investigated outdoor gravity orbs or OGOs?
Abso loved this Lori…thank you for the heart dose!
I have 3 boys, but hearing what Cj wanted his 3 things and then his list from Amazon just makes me smile. You’ve got one amazing child, and you are one AMAZING mom!
If you ever do find a time machine, please feel free to share one with me, too.
I am falling more and more in love with C.J. as I read your posts.
How about sending him a note from Santa stating that he borrowed a “special” cloak from a science lab so it;s power will only work for a few hours. That way you will only have to ignore him being invisible for a short burst at a time. Plus when he avoids a meltdown or as a reward you can let him know Santa said it would work for another brief amount of time. Now all you have to do is figure out a cool cloak/jacket.
I just love that kid!
WHO doesn’t want an invisible jacket (or cloak) *grin*
You don’t need a time machine to go to a skate disco, I go every week & disco skate !¡
And a hamster ball, that would be a crazy ride down my yard ! (side of a mountain)
This makes me want to buy every item off CJ’s wish list and send it to him!!! Bless his heart. xo
Monchichi!! That just brought back some amazing memories of my childhood 🙂 Merry Christmas!
Great list! Did he get the invisible jacket idea from Harry Potter? Incidentally, my 8-year old walked in while I was scrolling down the list of Amazon finds, and he piped up with tons of “I want that! I want that, too!” LOL
Can Santa not leave him a note saying that he got him an invisibility jacket but one of the elves put it on and now he can’t find it, so will these do instead…. (I got a similar note about the machine I requested that threw annoying brothers over the garden fence, apparently when the elves tried to make one it kept throwing them over the fence). Good luck!
I love CJ’s imaginativeness. I remember when my mother told me there was no such thing as magic (because I was a child who tried to walk through walls and believed in Narnia), I sobbed! Happy Christmas to you and yours xxx
Also, for what it’s worth, there’s this – http://www.hamsterwaterball.com/ . We had a place just north of us here in central Texas that had these giant inflatable clear balls in which people could roll/bounce/etc. down a hill, but it seems to have closed down now.
At an Open Day at my work they rented Hamster Balls… maybe you could rent them for a day?
I Don’t know exactly where they rented them from but here is a link to the closest I could find. http://www.g2u.com/party/gianthamsterball.php
They bought a blow up ramp for us to go down and everything
Love the giraffe request. Well now I want a machine that regresses my age so I can be CJ’s age and spend an afternoon playing Monster High dolls with him.
If you are ever in NZ……http://zorb.com/world/rotorua/
I think *I* want those Taylor lautner dolls…..
You could have told him it was a baby giraffe. Then again you could get him this: http://www.creativityinstitute.com/Hansa-8ExtraLargeGiraffe.aspx
(oh, and buy two while they’re on sale!) just kidding!!
I think at some point we have always wanted the power to be invisible or to go back in time. I hope CJ isn’t too disappointed about them not exisiting. I remember when polly pocket were tiny and they had little shell-like play sets.
That Monster High Doll is something that will now have to go on MY wishlist… Thanks C. J. *laughs*
Also, I found an almost 8ft tall giraffe. But they want $900 for it before shipping.
Are those Monchichi under the trolls?
My children are about grown now, but that doesn’t mean I trashed their toys. They used to say “Mom, don’t throw any of them away.” Several times over the last years – after they turned 14 or so, I asked them to go through everything with me. “Just give it all away, mom,” they say. They are too lazy to help. I have piles and piles of “A-pock-a pockies” (Polly Pocket) dolls and clothes, etc. just dying to come out and play!! Free to one special boy. Or perhaps when I have a garage sale in the spring, I’ll send you my address and you can bring CJ and he can discover them! Wouldn’t that be fun! Near Melinda Park. In the meantime, my family and I wish you and your family a Safe, Happy and Magical Christmas!
We would love to happen upon your “A-pock-a Pockies” dolls. 🙂
Haha! Oh my!!! Love the idea of the invisible jacket!