“Mom, I only want three things for Christmas this year,” C.J. said from the backseat as I shuttled him to gymnastics.
“Oh, really? Just three things?” I had a hard time believing the brevity of his list.
“Yes. If I only ask for three things, I’ll probably get all three, right? My chances will be better?”
Then, he proceeded to tell me in length about the three items on his wish list.
He wanted a jacked that, when you put it on and zip it up, makes you totally invisible. When I told him that an invisible jacket doesn’t exist I broke his heart. Later I suggested to Matt and Chase that we buy C.J. a hoodie and when he zips it up we pretend that we don’t see him. Problem solved — except that neither Matt nor chase thought the three of us could successfully pull off ignoring C.J.
The second thing that C.J. wanted was a time machine so that he could go WAY back in time and go to a disco roller-skate party and go “not so far back” in time to play with himself as a baby. He also wanted to go back to the exact moment he realized that he likes “girl stuff,” not “boy stuff.” If the revelation that there is no such thing as an invisible jacket broke his heart, imagine the melancholy he felt upon learning that time machines do not, in fact, exist. I am the crusher of dreams and ruiner of Christmas.
I waited for him to tell me about the third thing he wanted and hoped with all my might that it would be something a little more realistic (and, preferably, orderable from Amazon).
Nope. He wanted a life-size stuffed animal giraffe. When we got home I opened my laptop and showed him several of the largest plush giraffes I could find. We’re talking four to five feet in height.
“How tall is a real giraffe?”
I googled for an answer when I should have just said “four to five feet.”
Real giraffes are 18 feet, so, naturally, C.J. does not want a four or five foot tall plush giraffe.
“Can you think of anything else you might want? Besides those three things?”
“A clear hamster ball big enough from me to get in and run around in. A human size hamster ball.”
Later that night, I sat down with C.J. and helped him create an Amazon Wish List. I let him click away and grow his list until his heart was content — to make up for the afternoon’s invisible-jacket-time-machine-giraffe-height devastation.
C.J. found 67 on Amazon that he has to have.
He wants this seven-inch Taylor Lautner doll to match the three Jacob Black/Taylor Lautner/Twilight posters he has hanging above his bed.
He also wants this 11-inch Taylor Lautner doll.
And, he wants this seven-inch Taylor Lautner doll. Because a boy can never have too many Taylor Lautner dolls.
These heels for when he “goes to a party or has dance parties around the house.”
Because I watched it with him once and he says “it’s one of the best movies of all time.” I have to agree.
Who hasn’t loved Polly Pocket at some point in their life? (“Me” Matt said.)
These are like the new Troll dolls that they had when I was a girl.
I had one of these when I was a girl. They are $50 now. That’s not how much they were when I was little. FYI.
The new Monster High doll’s name is Invisi Billy. He’s the son of the Invisible Man and “has a look that’s all his own.”
He wants these so that he can play Disney Infinity with his brother.
It’s the closest thing to a human hamster ball I/Santa could find.
Happy holidays to all of you and let’s catch up again in 2015!