Growing up, I instinctively knew that I had to worry about my brother’s safety because he was slightly effeminate when young, people assumed he was gay as a teen, then he came out shortly after high school. All of those things made him a target for bullying, harassment, victimization and violence.
I saw him find his people and it eased my worry. The first time he took me to a gay club, I remember thinking, “He’s found his people. He’s safe here.”
The first time I visited his new place in West Hollywood, I remember thinking, “He’s found his people. He’s safe here.”
My youngest son started showing signs of gender nonconformity at age three, started describing himself as gender nonconforming at five, self identified as a member of the LGBTQ community at eight.
Little did I know that the worry I’ve always had for my LGBTQ brother’s safety had a long lost twin – it’s the worry I have for my LGBTQ son’s safety.
“He just needs to find his people, then he’ll be safe. He just needs to find his people, then he’ll be safe,” I say over and over again to soothe myself, feel hopeful and remind myself that it gets better.
I worry daily about the boys in the bathroom who try to see my son’s genitals to determine if he’s a boy or girl; the kids who tease him for reading The Babysitters Club books; the boys who tell him he shouldn’t wear his hair in a ponytail because ponytails are for girls; and the classmates who aren’t amused by his constant accessorizing with jewelry. On days when my worry runs high, I fantasize about the day when he finds his people.
I daydream about taking him to his first gay club. I want to open the doors and walk in first, turnaround and see his face as he takes it all in and realizes that he has – finally – found his people. Standing in that gay club, staring at my rainbow boy, I’d think to myself, “You’ve found your people. You’re safe here.”
I awoke this morning to news of the shooting in Orlando. The deadliest mass shooting in U.S. history. At an LGBTQ nightclub. The shooter was angry because a couple of months ago he saw two gay men kissing. At least 50 people are dead and at least 53 more are injured.
My brother is not safe. My son is not safe. Even if they find their people. Because monsters can find them there, too.
My son asked what happened in Orlando because he heard mention of it several times on the news this morning. I had to tell him that a man went into a gay club and killed and shot the people inside.
“Why?” my son asked.
“Because he didn’t like the people inside,” I answered.
“That’s awful? People can just do that?” my son asked with fear in his eyes.
I wanted to say no, that people couldn’t just do that. But, the truth is, they can. And I always try to give my kids the truth.
“But, we’re okay,” I said. “That happened all the way on the other side of the United States.”
To my son that’s a world away. To me it’s down the street.
Today, as I snuggled with my son watching RuPaul’s Drag Race, took him to Target to spend his money on a new doll and, now, as I watch him flip and dance on the trampoline, I’m near tears.
I can’t keep him safe. His people can’t keep him safe. The only thing that could make his life a little safer is being cisgender and straight. Being the complete opposite of who he naturally is would keep him safe.
As a mother, I’d rather my son be his happy, rainbow self and be unsafe, than miserably pretend to be somebody he’s not and have a better chance of survival. It’s hard to admit that.
“He just needs to find his people, then he’ll be safe,” I continue to think to myself. My worry remains, but so does my hope.
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Oh how I understand this.
Thank you for sharing. My love and protection goes out to you, your son, your brother, and every other LGBT+ member. xoxo
Thanks so much for sharing from your heart. I am the mom of a son who is gay and Orlando hit me and our family very hard too. So I get it!
I also have a private Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids – the group has more than 1,100 moms and the members in the group also understand your feelings and fears.
In the aftermath of Orlando many of the moms in my private Facebook group shared heart felt messages that their kids shared on social media. Their words tore at our hearts, brought tears to our eyes and made us proud. After acquiring permission we felt like others needed to hear what they had to say so we put some of the messages from our LGBTQ kids in a blog post.
Here is a link to that post where you can read what some of our LGBTQ kids had to say:
(The Facebook group for moms of LGBTQ kids I mentioned is secret so that only members can find it or see what is posted in the group. The group was started in June 2014 and presently has more than 1,100 members. For more info about the group email me at firstname.lastname@example.org ).
I understand your worries, I’m a mum. And yet, it doesn’t really matter which gender your child is, or which gender they identify with. MY child is a girl, and so of course, I worry about her being hurt, taken, raped, killed, just from being a parent. People, are not safe, in a country where guns can be bought like candy (as far as we can see on this side of the pond). All I’m saying is, it’s not about your child, or your brother’s, identity. It could happen to anyone, anywhere.Pulse was a terrible tragedy, but not because it was a gay club, just because they were human beings
I think you’re missing the point that this attack happened at a gay club SPECIFICALLY because it was a gay club. It IS about identity. Your words, and your wish to deny that fact, are trying to erase us. And WE WILL NOT BE ERASED.
I hope one day people understand that all are the same…
damn this is well written
God, you made me cry.
Going to talk about this at a LGBT community poetry meeting, this Friday, here in India. Very moving.
I’m so so sorry
Sorry about your brother😪
Thank you for sharing this.
Growing up as a gender non-conformist in the Philippines, I had experienced blows of discrimination, intentional taunting, and random bullying. I’m happy that my parents and my family accepted me for who I am. Acceptance has made all the difference. I hope that this gross form of hostility in Orlando will not happen again any where.
We are all his people….humanity is suffering terribly….a man-made disease called ‘lack of love’…..religion is tearing us apart….God is love….my heart bleeds….God bless America….
People who seek to kill the gay community are probably lashing out in denial. They are struggling to come terms with their own homosexuality perhaps. Them of secure nature would embrace others lifes and acceptance of variety.
My prayers are with the LGBT community and behalf of the Church, I apologize for all those who say this is an act of God…terrorism is never in the Will of God.
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You have me in tears. What keeps me going is knowing that one day we will look back on this and realise how stupid it this. The kids will learn about it how we learn about slavery today. We will fight for this to be history.
You’ve spoken for a million people. Even for people who cannot showcase their feelings on social media.
It is yet another tragedy what happened in Orlando. And no one deserves such violence.
My 12-year old daughter is gender conforming, but I was very very happy when she wrote about the Orlando shooting in her blog. I am so proud of her, in fact, I am so proud to be her mother. Perhaps children have more sense than adults.
Her post is at valarvox dot wordpress dot com slash 2016/06/13/love-wins.
It’s so hard. Being from Orlando, my heart broke when I heard the news on Sunday morning and it broke even more when I found that I knew two of the victims. Thank you for being the kind of person who chooses compassion and love over hate. Here are my thoughts: https://justbeloveblog.wordpress.com/2016/06/13/love-is-love-is-love-is-love/
With much love- ellie
What a powerful post, really moving.
Lori, this is a touching, powerful message. Your situation is a special one but your fear is the fear of a mother. I fear for my children too. Monsters are everywhere. In all shapes and sizes and with all kind of agendas we normal people will never be able to understand. We all hope that we will keep them safe but all we can do is trust that they will be kept safe by life. That the monsters out there will either disappear for good or will never find our children. All we can do is teach our children that out of the ordinary doesn’t mean bad. That things do not have to be fitting that one and only picture. That life is about so much more. About values, respect, tolerance and most of all about the person itself. Only this person counts. No matter of the skin color, no matter of religion, no matter of gender or who they love. A good person is a good person. And that’s what counts. My children live by this now. I can only hope that they will stick to it and stick up for it in the future, no matter what their friends will say. I can only hope that one of their friends tries to make them think differently, that they will turn around and walk away, realizing that this person is not good for them.
Right now I wish I would be your neighbor. To come over and hug you and tell you that your rainbow will be fine. That you all found your people and that you are safe! Your people are out there. We are out here. So let’s face the monsters together. At least in our thoughts.
Reblogged this on Fairy JerBear's Queer/Trans Musings From The City Different – Santa Fe, NM and commented:
A very personal and very powerful post from the keyboard of a mother.
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Wonderfully written! I love how you call him your rainbow. My eyes actually filled with tears – for you and for the pour innocent souls who sufferred in Orlando.
The world is totally changing, and this hating islamic group isint gonna help at all, we have to learn to love each other, this is a very touching story,we ought to really love one another,really.
I agree with you God is love and regardless of what is thought we are to show love inspite of!
Wow!! The correlation between what you feel and the fear you have in your heart for the safety of your son and brother is apt!!! Amazing post!!
Regards, Chaitanya Haram 🙂
So powerfully and beautifully written. Such sad things happening in America…
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This really resonated with me, thanks for posting Lori. I wrote some thoughts on what the space of the gay bar means, here: http://www.sexualityandspace.wordpress.com
The saddest truth is We all are humans of 21st century and so do LGBTQ people, even they have their right to live in their own comfort zone. Society bounds us with their own orthodox thinking because of which many people die everyday.
I understand your concern for your brother and your son but you need to be strong which is more powerful weapon than those who don’t accept LGBTQ. If you will stay strong than they will get stronger, surely someday they will find their place and will be safe and you will feel relieved.
Will pray to God to secure your family from all these cruel people. Be strong and make your brother and your son more stronger.
It’s such a sad world now.
Beautifully expressed,and painfully resonant to me.My immediate feeling from this side of the water was,it could have been my boy and his friends.They were just out enjoying life.My heart breaks.
“Because he didn’t like the people inside,”
Some people are just typical madmen…
#Orlando we are with you!!
Wow seriously heart touching..
With all due respect, we had one mass shooting here and within a month the gun laws changed, the people demanded we get rid of machine guns etc, and the government listened and got rid of the guns. When will the American people stand up as a giant voice and demand change? We have a society where you need a damn good reason to carry a weapon of any kind, and we live in peace, unafraid and knowing we have specialist police and military to attend to our safety. It works. Your second amendment is primitive and needs removing. So, time to get together America, you have the majority of voices over and above the gun stupid lobby, how many more bodies do you want to not see just because a minority of idiots with the mentality of a carrot want to shoot anything that moves…sport hunting they call that, and they have politicians on tap to protect them.
Government of the people, for the people, by the people!
The words are there so do a Voltaire and scream them from the rooftops and keep doing it until the government obeys the letter of the majority, you.
It is gut wrenching to see so many gun attacks and nothing changes. Please, we did it here in Australia, yes we are few, but we were many when it came to getting rid of the guns. You can do it, so why not?
My deepest respects and love
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I empathize with you because my son is gay/transgender. I know the place in your heart from which you speak. There are times when he goes out and the tinge of fear tugs at my heart strings because I imagine he will run into someone motivated by hate and insecurity because someone is unlike them. I would also like to say though that even straight people are not totally safe. At this point there seems to be a higher level of safety for them but unfortunately, no one is completely safe these days.
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This has been on my mind since initially reading two days ago, and what struck me then, and has stayed with me is the fact that this is what I’ve thought about my own son, who is also gender non conforming in his own way. I helped him find, as he calls, “his peeps” in theater. Theater people are some of the most accepting of all people. Even if C.J. isn’t an on stage kind of kid, there are behind the scenes things he can do and be involved with. He may not stick with it (mine hasn’t), but at least he will have a community.
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Thank you for having the courage to share this. This incident was horrific.
Hey Lori, we are all Orlando!
I cannot imagine what you may be feeling as a family…
But here is the thing… My child is only 2 years old and I am not sure if she will be LGBTQ. But as in being born with female genitalia, she may be on the 1 out of 4 women who will be sexually abused under the age of 18… Statistically, even if she is not sexually assaulted, she might suffer physical violence because… she is a girl. In most part of mass shootings there are more women killed than men… And humanity has been fairly used to the existence of men and women…
Your kid and brother will not be safe in his tribe (even though is great they have tribes), as my daughter will not be safe in this society (and I am not sure there is a woman’s tribe, if we think how poorly women tend to treat each other far too often)… no one who is not a white straight highly educated male will be safe as long as we continue to diminish others and not accept difference. As long as we tolerate prejudice, inequalities of rights, as long as crimes go unpunished or leniently punished (the Stanford rape case) and these issues aren’t seriously discussed in all institutions: schools, churches, enterprises, in our neighborhoods, within our families, in the pubs, in the media, in the Colleges, in the police stations, in daycare, in NRA conventions, in politics, in the boys and girl’s scout, in Disney movies, in Pixar movies, in summer camps, etc.
We are all in this together. The way out of it is all of us together.
You have been doing a marvelous work in raising awareness, and we all have to step in and do more.
Seems like it would be easy enough. You know … Just love your kids and your siblings and your friends no matter who they are and who they love. But people make it so hard. It’s getting better. But it’s still way too hard.
Our hearts are One.
Thanks a lot for this post.
Very well expressed. As another parent who hopes for a world that let’s him bloom fully by just being who he is, i feel your pain and share your concern. Quite unfortunately, nobody is safe and more unfortunately so, there is not enough being done to make this world any better. But i have hope, that we all have have the courage to live to our fullest potential, not in fear of another lunatic roaming around with a loaded gun.
I pray for strength & peace to all affected, directly or indirectly, by this incident and hope we are able to do more as a society, to be human and to love rather than to judge.
Thank you for sharing. I am deeply troubled by what happened in Orlando, and indeed, by all the mass shootings in this country. I am going to call all of our Senators and Representatives nationwide to demand a ban on assault rifles and stricter gun control. I hope anyone and everyone who agrees with me, will also call our elected officials. I’ve had enough of this. https://lasamaritanablog.wordpress.com/2016/06/13/call-your-elected-officials-now-to-demand-gun-control/ Yesterday I called my Senators. Today I will start calling the reps in my state. When I’m done with my state, I will start on another. This is a nationwide epidemic and a public health crisis.
Sadly, being cis-het (and I’m aware that CJ has not declared his sexuality) won’t keep him safe- lunatics, extremists, terrorists, murderers, whatever you want to call these people, have and do attack anybody. Paris, Belgium, 9/11 were attacks on Westerners generally, and people of all sexualities were killed. This time it was gay men who were targeted. Next time it might be gay men again, or other LGBT identities. It might be an untargetted attack on business workers people at a cinema or on a certain train. Hopefully, it isn’t children.
You keep your boys safe by letting them be who they are, sending them to school, letting them play outside, visiting parks and cinema and museums, going to museums, continuing with your happy lives.
U can’t stop living ur life..becoz of some…stupid people in d world
Everyone has a right to their life and that means they have a right to live it as they naturally want to without even a little bit of pretendership
Safe and unsafe is a relative term..
If u r different if u have different thoughts…yes it is difficult to align urself with the rest of the world…. But its not impossible… In itself..
And this does not mean..u must stop trying…
Ur son has his own identity.. Just support him and..boost up ur confidence first so that u can always see happiness in his eyes
Because if u’l lose hope…he will too fall apart….which u will never able to tolerate..
And ponytails aren’t just for girls! A lot of men, from civil servants (me!), to my 19-yr-old ginger son, to opera singers, to bald guys with not enough hair to make a proper ponytail – everyone who has long enough hair can wear a ponytail to keep it out of table saws, and control it in the wind.
Stupid glass keyboard!
It’s going to be a huge job to teach all the ignorant ones about love rather than strict religious dogma. But someday, even the Christian zealots will understand. THEN CJ will have his place. Courage and strength to you, Lori, and peace, rust, love and rainbows to CJ.
Heart-wrenching post, Lori. I am gutted by what happened in Orlando, and my heart goes out to you and CJ, along with my LQBT2S friends, neighbours, and coworkers.
It’s not Islam that is the evil; it’s fear and ignorance. Educate the young folks, teach them love, not hate, to
Eric Tonningsen, totally agree with you!! We need to have a positive attitude!! Goodness shall triumph eventually!
RIP for the victims and here is hoping that such occurrences reduce in number
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Awesome blog post!
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This broke my heart. I am sorry for all your pain. I will pray for you and your family. God bless you.
We are colse to Orlando with our heart… 💚from Italy
I understand your worry and concern coming from being a parent. I get that. Certain social standards make it a bit more difficult to “just be ourselves” i fear or judgement or harassment. Violence though? It is a shame that we need to be cautious of that one when just living our own individual lives. But the truth is, someone can decide that because you have blonde hair, they will shoot you. You have a beard, well then you’ll get shot today. For people who do not have rational thoughts in their heads it doesn’t matter what your sexual orientation is or what gender you decide to identify with. My heart goes out to the families affected in Florida. All around the world for that matter. People who live their lives peacefully who’s world is turned upside down by those that don’t.
To all my LGBTQQA Brothers and Sisters in Orlando and world wide, Please remain strong and on message at this sadly tragic time! Please see a way to reach out to help all the innocents their families and friends! Blood is needed, Monies are needed, Love is needed, Understanding is needed, Compassion is needed, Patience is needed, No Hate is needed, Many things are still needed and equality of all that walk this earth most needed! We can not stop teaching now we have come so far and our trek our commitment to this equality can not be derailed or stalled!
RIP those Innocents taken we continue to have your back! Thank you for your part in our cause!
Thank you Lori and CJ for making this awesome platform available!
I can’t imagine what it’s like to be affected by violence and terrorism, I am also praying for everyone who is affected by violence and terrorism.
Such a brilliant post about the stigma against the LGBT communities still in society today.
Yet so, we are your brothers and sons people, why should we have to have our own communities regarding to our sexuality, gender, class – in times like this, after the horrific events at Orlando we all need to stand together as one community, in order to fight this stigma.
The latter is one of the main problems in society, as we all face different life experiences, for example some people may have never seen two men or women kissing, which one may feel quite horrified, as they have grown up in a heterosexual family and others may find it a norm. That’s why I think changes need to be made to books, tv shows and films, toys etc. That represents the society we live in today, with all the different family units – so it’s becomes the norm and then we can accept people for who they are and live in harmonious society. I guess it is easier said than done, but I do believe things can be done so our younger generations are not shocked when they see something different or new, what they haven’t seen in they life before.
Heart touching!! May God be with you and all families and friends of lost children,etc.
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Very distressing…our thoughts are with you.
Reblogged this on The world through Arias eyes and commented:
To be hurt or killed just for being who you are, how is that ok? What a great mother you are though, your child is very lucky to have you.
Respectfully, I would posit that we can be and we will continue to be safe, IF we embrace a mind-set of positivity – where love, tolerance and understanding is our norm and we insist that we will thrive. Fear, pain and loss are exactly what these extremists want us to be burdened by. If we fold under the darkness they cast, we (and I mean all of civilized humanity) will become weak. And we all know, historically, what happens to the weak. Personally, I refuse to be measurably influenced by their actions. I believe in, espouse and will always insist on our collective efforts and goodness to overcome any adversity. This is what will ensure our safety.
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An amazing post! Made me cry! Xxxxxx
This is NOT the first case about gun violence , gun culture in America, gun control , gunmen’s motivation of killing and behaviour of using dangerous weapon and heavy weapon.
Gunmen attacked LGBTQ community and night club in Orlando .
In America Federal wanna talk about this shooting because American congress just wanna talk about rights of LGBTQ community, OR, American congress still want to focus on how to give terrorism much wider definition , and keep seeking more cases to correctly define ‘Hate Crime’.
If current German chancellor attacked a young people and hurt other people’s rights and powers ,
Would international criminal courts and American congress and United Nations judge certain politician’s behaviour and motivation as terrorism , political disorder and social disorder , and just ‘Hate Crime’?!
Would International Criminal Courts judge certain politician as terrorist because who can easily play power to damage people’s lives and works ?!
Would International Criminal Courts judge certain politician as extremist because who played power to ruin other people’s lives and efforts just because of hate?!
Terrorists’s organization paid this gunman to fire a night club.
Their purpose is mainly about using powers to fire people’s lives , not just about LGBTQ community.
What does make terrorists’ organizations so unlawfully extreme ‘bloodily strong’, politics or money ?!
Who did allow terrorists to form organizations , money or politics ?!
Money will definitely taint politics’s purity !
Highest Judgement System will definitely remove and destroy political disorder’s makers , evil politicians and their dirty dark twisted politics.
#Rip evil politicians ;
#Without evil politicians , without terrorism ;
#Evil politicians and terrorists must be punished and burnt ;
Then , Peace will be with sincere prayers .
your post touched me and I just want to let you know that we don’t need a place to be united. We are a family, and we are home anywhere we are surrounded by good people. You are home to them. Again, I Appreciate your post.
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Stay strong and surround your baby with love and support. He HAS found his people – all the people who don’t judge him; all the people who allow him to grow as his true self; all the people who support him and build his confidence. He will be strong of self and able to fend off the insanity that’s thrown at him. I know that, right now, it seems as though every dark corner contains a monster that will hurt your child but I promise there’s hope. I promise that each day gets better. I’m old enough to remember the days where an ADULT couldn’t be non-binary or “out”, no less a child. We’ve made progress. We’ll continue to make progress. And your beautiful rainbow baby can help everyone understand that love is love is love. xoxo
Cried on and off all day yesterday and will again today. Went on a drive with my son to try to clear my head, calm my nerves. After a day of horrible thunderstorms, as it cleared, we were driving across a bridge, there was an enormous rainbow that stretched across the entire city, no shit. My son said there were similar pictures from all over the country, not sure if that’s the case or a social media thing but the one here was real, and heartbreaking because it felt like someone trying to say “we are okay” but the families are not and never will be again.
I love this so much! I completely understand what you’re trying to say. People in the LGBTQ+ community are usually unsafe when they’re out but I’d also rather have then be themselves than be pretending forever. Great post and all the best to your son! I hope he stays safe and I’m sure he will 🙂
There will be a day in the near future when the gay community will be completely accepted as a part of society. Stay strong and encourage your loved ones to stay true to their feelings.
Je suis en France et je prie pour vous tous. Je vous aime. I am in France and I pray for you. Il love you
I’am so sorry that your brother and son have to grow up in this world that we live in today. With so much hate and not enough love. I hope, too, that he finds his people and finds a way to show people that its okay to love everyone for who they are.
The world is full of people and he will find his one day,things are not so good in our life but we have to go on because these kind of idiots will try to destroy the world but god we have to stand up against those devils,god and devil are both part of us and we can defeat the devils in us by taking our inner god’s side
I understand those fears and the harsh realization that we can’t always protect our LGBTQ children from hate and violence. I had a similar conversation with my 24 year old son. I am heartbroken and angry, but it makes me even more determined to continue to use my voice, time and energy to advocate and educate for the LGBTQ community and for equality and love for all!
Your reply spoke to me Lisa. We need to continue to use our voices. Everyone has the right to be who they are. Equality and love for all!!
Its really bad what happened in #orlando and really feel sorry for American brothers there.. Being gay is not a problem of his own its the nature , the ultimatum of everything what has created him to be..
It’s sad that we are not safe anywhere we go. My prayers go out to the families of the lives lost. May God be with you in your time of need.
Evil islamic doctrine is to blame – period. Know they enemy or wait for your turn.
I do not hate, it just is what it is.
Reblogged this on The Naked Truth About The Naked Truth and commented:
Americans are really living on another planet. I really sympathize with all the victims of this outrageous act. Travel well to hopefully a better place.
Reality is that those people were murdered, based on the teachings of a cult called islam. Its not a deranged individual murdering humans, its a deranged cult calling for the murder of “gays” and non-believers.
Lets say it as IT IS. This so called ” political correctness” is just a cover up of reality. I am not a hater – I am a realist.
Among the chaos & confusion, and social unrest present in the society today. It’s upon us to choose love and unite against the heinous crimes of terror.
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You are an awesome parent.
It took me so many years of struggle to find who I was. I lived in fear for so long that I would be ‘found out’. I am so glad to hear that you are encouraging your child to be who they are.
People judge what they don’t understand, #prayfororlando
Heart touching! I understand your concern for your brother and your son.
Even in this darkness you can see the light that he/they are safe even with you. They are and we all are safe with any people who are loving and compassionate to anyone regardless of their gender, ethnicity, appearance, faith etc.
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I’ve read and enjoyed your touching, warmhearted posts about your little rainbow for some time now without adding anything of my own, and I thank you for them. Today, though, I can’t stay silent. My mother’s heart aches that some people in our society have to feel endangered when they do nothing wrong. I wish I could put my arms around all those who feel targeted just for being who they are, and keep them all safe. All I can do is try to add my voice to the chorus of people saying NO to this kind of violence and hate, until we can drown it out. I wish your family peace and comfort, and and above all safety.
That is such a lovely and powerful post. My heart goes out to all those in Orlando, so sad.
Well, sounds like he has a good parent to see him through any issues that might arise from this for him. Do the best you can, it’s all anyone can ask of you.
Great read..it is truly scary to think of this as something that can happen and does…too much. I was nearly in tears on my way to work this morning.
Yes he wanted them home in a better place but the guy that did it he’s going to a worst place and he going to get he’s and answer to what he did. God bless them all
He’s safe in your love. I’m heartbroken by what’s happened…in Orlando and in some people’s comments towards the same. As a lesbian I personally don’t like to go to events in NC because of these situations. I feel that I can’t trust the radicals, homegrown or otherwise.
But for the ones in your life, YOU are their safe place. We can only hope that elsewhere it becomes safer. ❤️
Well said. http://www.shesatomboy.com
This is so heartfelt and touching. Thank you for sharing your fears and your love for your non-conforming son (so sad that we need to use a term like that in our world) While all parents worry for their children, and their safety everyday, it is unimaginable to most the burden you must carry each day as you watch him bloom into his true self. Much love to you both, wishing you strength and peace, and that he truly does find his people.
I am into tears. You are a strong person Lori.
This is a really good post.Thankyou
Thank you for your thoughts.
This is the first thing about today that’s made me cry. Yes. All of it, yes. Finding your people is so wonderful. Someone else fucking it up is so …
Thank you for keeping on working.
Thank you fo rthis post. It’s hard to believe the hate and lack of empathy and humanity that lives in the world today. As if not one thing teaches us anything. Your son is SOMEONE and so am I, and my partner and legal wife. Keep the conversation alive. I have shared. TY Lori.
All I can add here is I’ve seen my trans daughter’s peers and how accepting so many of them are. I feel like our children’s generation are much more tolerant and accepting of all the different points on the gender and sexuality spectrum. There’ll always be nuts, but hopefully America will one day take steps to disarm them.
I’m in Australia, so something like this is not so easy to pull off, and I’m so grateful to be living here because of it. Slowly our kids “people” are a group that is growing and expanding. We must keep speaking out for them and prepare the world to be part of their “people”.
You have spoken stephanie
Very powerful. Thank you.
I homeschooled my transgender(?) son until he asked me to go to public when he was at almost 12-years-old. He did get some shade at first, but by that age he had a remarkably wonderful sense of self and dealt with it well. He now attends college where he has found a family of friends that he feels loved and accepted in. We are all here for such a short time and we are best served by living every day as if it is our last, because of these days, it will be! Do not fear, you have given too much love for it to be marred by the ‘demons’ of what might happen.
I always read what you write. All good. Not so sure any of us should be with our “people”, regardless of gender leanings. Being with our people, being in our tribe, means we stay afraid of the other tribes. And are you sure his tribe will be the “gay club tribe”? Screwed-up people kill others. Life has no assurances. I still believe there are more of us non-screwed-up people. And that’s what we have to go with.
I have the same fears as I am raising two black boys. It’s an unpredictable world out there with a great deal of prejudice and hate. It is impossible for me to imagine how anyone can do this.
He’s safe with me, Lori. I love CJ. 😥
I agree with everything everyone says. But one thing is missing from this discussion (and from everything I’ve heard so far in the media). Keeping assault weapons out of the hands of people might not have prevented some kind of tragedy. But it would have prevent 50 people from being killed, and another 50 injured. I live half an hour from Sandy Hook. Gun control to me is a non-negotiable topic.
THANK YOU!! Hate / mental illness + guns is never going to end up in a good place.
We, CJ’s people, keep treading on, working each day to open hearts. The worry is still there, but so too is hope when one more person sees for the first time the impact their voice has, and when they stop using it to spread fear and ignorance and instead begin spreading love and acceptance themselves.
This is truly a tragedy. LGBTQ people need to learn self defense and need to learn not to be a victim. If their families are comfortable with firearms then they need to teach their kids safety and shooting. As long as we appear to be soft targets we will be just that.
Would that have saved anyone here? I can’t answer that, I wasn’t there. But I am of the mind that I’d rather have it and hte skill and not need it then to need it and not have it. The thought of taking life in defense of another is difficult. But dying is more so.
The bottom line is that I choose not to be a victim. At LEAST get him into marshal arts.
I’ve been in tears too today. It’s scary to think that we can give our children all the love they need, yet there is no guarantee we can protect them from the ugliness and hate that exists. As long as I’m living, I will stand up for not only my transgender daughter, but for the rest of the community as well. I have hope for their future, and I will not give up.
It’s my gender creative, not straight kidlet’s 19th birthday today and, well, hugs. We need a better world for our kids 😦
Very powerful. Thank you for sharing.
WE ARE his people Lori. We are C.J.’s people, we are your brother’s people, we are C.J.’s brother’s, father’s and your people. We are all the same people, whatever our gender identity.
Sadly, it doesn’t keep the human mind from twisting itself into believing an innocuous behavior like a male to male kiss is something to be feared, or from amplifying that fear into a perceived threat which then becomes inflated into a terribly misguided call to a horrific set of actions that the rest of us can’t explain or understand.
My heart goes out to those killed or injured, and their friends and families. No one should EVER have to die or suffer because of who they are or even be maligned or mistreated because they are in any way seen as “different”. When I think of C.J. and other children who are gender non-conforming or LQBTQIA or any other way humans are born, my heart breaks in two because I fervently wish that NO child should have their innocence shattered in such a profound and gruesome way.
Even as horrified and saddened as I am by the horror of what happened in Orlando i also remember that humans can be welcoming, open-minded and loving toward their fellow humans. And those of us who are, those of us who are able to realize we are their people, that we are all the same people, have a lot more work to do, We need to stand up against the apsects of our world and culture that don’t, we need to speak up until everyone “gets it” and we need to lock our arms and form a HUMAN chain to stand WITH you the Durons, and all those who suffer discrimination for being themselves. And we need to walk together, because we are all your people, we are all their people, we are ALL C.J.’s people.
I am sorry to hear of the shooting. Just so hard to fathom the fear you feel for your brother and son 😦 it must be terrifying! Sending love and understanding to Orlando from Australia ❤
I’m so sorrry Lori.
You’ve done your best, and I know that you always will, but still you are betwen the devil and the deep blue sea.
The world is sometimes a cruel and uncertain place.
I understand your feeling, I live them every day. Still, I will keep your family in my prayers that they never face such hostility.
Lori, You have said it so well here, for so many of us…. As always, “Thank you!”