Our Slightly Masculine, Possibly Heterosexual, Totally Rambunctious Son

Because we are so used to C.J. being, well, C.J, sometimes when he does something or plays with something typically considered “boy” it catches us off guard.  C.J. isn’t always our slightly effeminate, possibly gay, totally fabulous son; sometimes he’s very much our slightly masculine, possibly heterosexual, totally rambunctious son.

Besides identifying as boy and wearing boy clothes, he:

  • Loves to be scared and doesn’t shy away from a good scary movie
  • Occasionally enjoys a good country song laden with twang
  • Has an intense need for speed while riding his scooter
  • Searches out fences and trees to scale
  • Lists potty-talk as his preferred language
  • Laughs uncontrollably at pratfalls (someone getting hit in the balls is at the top of the list, obviously)
  • Sees a bug and wants to play with it, trap it and, often times, smash it
  • Has horrible aim in the bathroom
  • Doesn’t mind a snotty, messy face
  • Loves to wrestle with his dad and brother
  • Has never let a good fart go unnoticed or unclaimed

About raisingmyrainbow

RaisingMyRainbow.com is a blog about the adventures in raising a fabulous, gender creative son.
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13 Responses to Our Slightly Masculine, Possibly Heterosexual, Totally Rambunctious Son

  1. Hi,
    I have just discovered your blog from the comments in Nerdy Apple Bottom and it is just great. My son who is now 5.5 yrs old totally loves pink and princesses, but he is such a BOY, rambunctious, a bit adhd, running around shouting and playing fireman, police, knight etc… He was a princess with a dress much like you show for Halloween (we borrowed the dress from a girl friend) when he was almost 4, and he was so upset when we gave it back that Santa gave him a purple princess dress like that at Christmas when he was 4. He still really likes to wear it, and also to dress in princess dresses and fairy wings etc when he goes for a playdate at a girl friend’s place. He has just started to show some signs of bowing to social pressure now… he has had a disney princess bike for 2 yrs and is just adamant that boys can like pink and girls can like pink, and it is a princess bike, and he is a boy, therefore it is a boy’s bike, not a girl’s bike.

    But he wore his princess dress over his nice boy clothes to a valentine’s day dance with me at a local school this Feb, and after dancing a couple dances he realized he was the only boy wearing a dress and took it off. (he didn’t get teased) And then a couple days ago he found a fab fake jewel off some beaded curtain on the sidewalk and was all “wow, so PRETTY MOMMY!” but when I said he could keep it, he asked me to take it home for him, as if he took it to school kids might say it is a girl thing.

    I really hate the social pressure, and how it affects him now, whereas he cared so little before. But I am thrilled he still loves pink and princess stuff, and says boys can like that too. I do point out when I see grown men in the street wearing pink rugby shirts or dress shirts with their business suits.

    Anyways, I thought you might get a kick out of the drawing I did of him in his dress, wig for halloween, in a karate shout, for an online art class I am taking: http://leannefranson.blogspot.com/

    Thanks so much for your blog! I’ll bookmark it!

  2. tina marie says:

    i think this is awesome what you are doing. 🙂 big koodles to you.. god bless you for excepting you son for who he is and not trying to change him.let him be all that he can be and who know you just might be surprise. he is one of god beatiful little people. lot of love to you and your family

  3. Veronica says:

    Tina on 4/4/11 @ 2:15 pm wrote: “I’m confused. I thought that you didn’t believe certain stereotypes didn’t discern sexuality. Yet this post seems to deffer all that you’ve said up to this point.”

    I have to agree with Tina. It seems as if this blog still engages in gender stereotypes by listing these activities/attributes as boyish. All of these apply equally to girls. I truly appreciate what you are doing on this website–bring up questions of gender roles and identities and what is/is not acceptable for each gender in our society, but it seems at times as if this blog still falls into the trap of traditional gender identities. To use an analogy, it’s like trying to talk openly about race without falling into an “us” and “them” mentality/discourse; it’s hard to avoid this. But you are a courageous parent for sharing these difficulties, and because you seem to have affected your readers in positive ways, please don’t insult them by engaging in the very mentality you are fighting to change.

  4. Tina says:

    I’m confussed. I thought that you didn’t believe certain stereotypes didn’t discern sexuality. Yet this post seems to deffer all that you’ve said up to this point.

  5. Peajaye says:

    Great post, great blog. Personally, I think being gay is like making a quiche. You definitely need the eggs (DNA) but there’s also a component of preparation (environment); that is, you might end up with an omelet, French toast or a hard boiled egg. (The down side to this, of course, you might end up with a sensitive straight son like Brad from The Bachelor.)

    Most kids don’t have the “egg” gene, as you probably have seen with your elder boy, and hurrah for the parents who don’t have to deal with any of this – raising kids is hard enough. The point is that it shouldn’t matter. And by honoring God’s creation, i.e., your son C.J., you and your husband are clearly doing an awesome thing.

    One additional thought about the inappropriately “negative” comments you have and will continue to receive. I believe the elephant in that room is pedophilia. 1 in 6 men have been victims – according to the latest statistics (on Oprah). The people who condemn gays the loudest are usually victims or perpetrators – or both. The perpetrators depend upon keeping children like C.J. fearful and self-loathing – both boys and girls. By embracing the qualities that C.J. is exhibiting, you are taking away their prey. Predators also depend on people condemning homosexuality, picking and choosing among Scripture to further their nefarious ends. Others are merely acting unwittingly as enablers. And others, men who have been violated, carry with them a silent rage, which they then redirect at children like C.J., even if they don’t act out as molesters.

    I say we keep them all in our prayers and thoughts.

    I see this blog as an extension of the police work your husband does, fighting to keep our communities and families safe. Thank you.

  6. justamom says:

    Yes, my boy also does some stuff like this… He likes playing with dirt but his sister loves more… he loves car toys, but can spent a lot of time dressing barbies and pollies… he used to love dinossaurs ‘to death’ (this phase brought me some of relief… if you can get what i mean…) but not anymore, yet stuffed and fluffy animals are his number one favorite! he dresses like a boy with blue and black clothes yet a beautiful dress won´t go unnoticed…
    well, anything can be fun for them!

  7. I love this post! To human variation!

  8. Dan Simon says:

    Thanks for a most enjoyable retelling of your family’s adventure in raising not only one, but two totally fabulous sons. I wish I could read some of these stories to my own mother, to help her relate her own (very private) experiences to someone else’s (open, public and proud) experiences. And, by the way, if you haven’t got a reader in Denmark already– you know do. Keep the stories coming!

  9. Victoria Leavitt says:

    Which just shows you that people are incredibly and deliciously complex and will sometimes surprise us. I love the way that you and your spouse are handling things. Revel in CJ simply being himself. What a delight.

  10. Sabbdu says:

    Might be hard for you to understand me sometimes …english isn’t my firs language but I do my best to express what I feel and think …don’t give up and I am here showing support so you can support your bright rainbow … I have my gay flag tattoed as my gay pride

  11. Sabbdu says:

    He os still a little boy because even if he chooses to be feminine he’s still gonna be a man, don’t tell him to act or be some one that he is not…the masculine side that we as gay people have is the barrier that its gonna tell other RESPECT ME and the feminine side is the side that shows love and kindness for others … I personaly demand respect from others but I am also kind to others

  12. Nancy Kazan says:

    Hmmm – these characteristics are curious! After reading your list – I thought back to when my gay son (now 27) was CJ’s age. He definitely didn’t like getting dirty or sweaty – ick! He did love his skateboard. He was too afraid of getting hurt – so he quit karate. He was obsessed with action figures – he and his sister played together for hours – Barbies and action figures – they made it work! He has never been fond of bugs – even to this day! But he’s a softy for animals 🙂 He loved performing – magic shows and piano recitals. And – I wouldn’t change a thing. He’s an amazing young man! Thanks for sharing CJ’s life with us!!

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