Agoraphobic Homophobic Catholic Mom

Dear Stacy Trasancos (author of the gross blog post titled “Can’t Even Go To The Park”),

Like you, I am a mom.  Like you, I believe in God.  And, like you, sometimes I am afraid to leave the house because I fear who I might run into.  In particular, I’m afraid of running into people like you. 

I’m afraid of the damage people like you could do to my sweet child, who has pink socks peaking out the top of his bedazzled sneakers and is, most often, carrying a Disney Princess in one hand and a purple handbag full of sass in the other.  And — get ready for this — sometimes we have Uncle Uncle and his boyfriend in tow.  Oh, girl, you better run home!

We’re your worst nightmare; a brigade of gays and an effeminate boy who doesn’t fall neatly and “traditionally” on the gender spectrum.  Run, girl, run!  Back to your house!  Shut your door!  Pray!

People like you cast looks of judgment that are fierce (and not in a good way).  You break people’s spirits in the name of the Lord, when really that is not at all what God was/is about.  God was/is about love and kindness, not fear and hatred.  Maybe he’s using this as a lesson for you, a way to soften your heart to your fellow human.  A way of telling you that real judgment is his, not yours, to own.  Maybe he’s telling you to move (but, not to Orange County, thanks).

You becoming agoraphobic isn’t doing anything positive for your kids.  It’s making the world small and scary to them.  You may not be ready to have a talk with your kids about gender and sexuality, but it would be age-appropriate to show them, with words and actions, what it means to love others as you love yourself. 

Words like yours aren’t helping the way society views your religion.  Spewing hatred, and using your religion to justify it, does not make you a good catholic or a good person.

Honey, you aren’t holier than any of us.  You’re a sinner just like us; we’re all the same that way.  If one of your seven children ever comes out, send him/her to my house for a love you can’t give them.  They’ll have so much fun! We’ll even leave the house!

Bless You, C.J.’s Mom

* * *

I’m super proud to be named one of Ignite Social Media’s “100 Women Bloggers You Should Be Reading.”  I can’t wait to check out all of the other bloggers on the list. (I know Stacy Trasancos didn’t make the list.)


About raisingmyrainbow is a blog about the adventures in raising a fabulous, gender creative son.
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57 Responses to Agoraphobic Homophobic Catholic Mom

  1. Carolynz says:

    It is sad that people of faith don’t read, and translate the interpretations correctly
    Agoraphobia is a pri e example ofna follower of someone other than God

    No one can know who someone should love!?!
    I can’t imagine GOD creating anyone just to hate
    Judging others is a ‘Sin’ – God is Love
    No one should ever, ever have to explain why they Love someone ~
    We are human – that’s it!

    Please check out this site, read the letter to Louise and about this Pastor

  2. Pingback: Go, Rainbow Mom, Go | Proud to Be Here

  3. Lissy says:

    This is what happens when you give women the vote..

    people like this annoy me, aggravate me, and are truly the only people who i pity. I don’t judge them however, because I learned in Catholic school (a religion this woman claims to practice) that the only TRUE judge of man is God. Not righteous fundamentalists from Massachusetts. (Who knew such a thing even existed?)

  4. Josh says:

    i felt sad for that woman, and her children, and sad that so many other people feel the way she does. Im very fortunate and sometimes forget that not everyone is so loving like my family, and clearly yours. Part of good parenting is feeding your children information slowly as they mature. Two women with a baby? You dont need to strip their innocence with details about sexual acts. Just a simple ‘those two ladies love one another’ is enough. As the t-shirt says ‘some dudes marry dudes. get over it’

  5. Sandra says:

    She’s just awful, and now she and her creepy friends are all trying to somehow cash in on her newfound noteriety and whip up even more traffic to their blogs and twitterfeeds and fb pages by keeping it going.

    She’s gross. She’s just a gross person. Stupid and selfish and self-righteous. No humility, no genuine human kindness in her. Not a decent bone in her body.

    I feel sorry for her kids. It’s bad enough they got such a crappy start in life due to her lousy choices, but now they’re stuck with being stigmatized everywhere they go. If Stacy Trasancos thought she couldn’t go to the park or the pool before, she REALLY can’t go now. Who would let their kids associate with that family now? I sure wouldn’t.

    Also, what’s with the “illegal immigrant” hate? One guy drinks and drives and kills someone (horrible, I agree), and now every illegal immigrant is revving their engines in wait for her to walk out the front door so they can run her over? Why isn’t she afraid of the infinitely higher number of legal citizens who’ve killed someone by driving drunk? They’re statistically a greater threat to her. That’s just racist.

    What an ignorant, stupid woman. Guess the drugs and STDs finally got to her brain.

  6. Taylor says:

    Thank you so much for this. I’ve been reading Raising My Rainbow for months now as my daily (ish) dose of good in the world. When I came across Mrs. Trasancos’s entry… I was horrified. To say the least. You, Miss Mom, are the epitome of what a Christian should be. People like her give the religion a bad name — Christianity is, after all, all about loving everyone around you, no matter who they are. Thank you so much for continuing to be a beacon of light in a dark, dark world.

    All of my love to you and C.J. (and the rest of your beautiful family, too!)

  7. whatthefoie says:

    Homegirl needs to put herself in check…no new comments allowed on her post? shocking! Its sad that seeing people of the same gender show affection makes her skin crawl. Anyone should be so lucky to have someone in their lives to want to show the world how much they love them.

  8. Marco Luxe says:

    I just read about Mrs. Agoraphobe: Trasancos is a Baptist convert to Catholicism, and it’s ironic that she’s so judgmental, considering her own colorful background. Now a married, 42-year-old stay-at-home mom, she wrote on the website Catholic Online that she got pregnant in college. Her seven children are from three different men. She’s been divorced and has had an abortion. She’s taken drugs and worked as a stripper. She writes a column for the Catholic Free Press. [worcester Telegram]

  9. PaulaO says:

    While I agree completely with you and most of the comments here, I must draw the line at the some of the vitriol being spewed in Weird Lady’s comment section. We who are sane must never bow down to the level of the insane, even if we feel we must in order to assist them. If we cannot say what we need to say without using such acid, then we need to not say it.

  10. I can’t believe it, her post is actually worse when you read it yourself! I also can’t believe that there are people who commented on her post who agree with her.

  11. cowboyramdc says:

    What an awesome post. Eloquently put and to the point. Go Rainbow mom!

  12. Alice says:

    I read this homophobe’s post on her blog, and I’m just in awe. People like that are the kind that should take advantage of birth control, because we don’t need any children–seven children!–learning their parents’ narrow-minded ways. Maybe we’ll get lucky and her kids will deviate from her beliefs. We can hope.

    • Lourdes Vega says:

      What I hope is that if or when one of her children comes out and needs support that the child realized there are people that will accept them and not take the suicide way out.

  13. Chris says:

    Speak your truth sister! What would Jesus do? He would love C.J. and laugh with him while he played princess. He wouldn’t judge C.J. but show him as an example of a pure unaffected heart.

  14. Phil says:

    I absolutely love your blog. If my mom had raised me the same way you are raising C.J. I might have come out sooner than I did. Everything you are doing restores my faith in humanity. Stacy T-however you spell it is the kind of person who was raised under the bible and can only pull the handful of scriptures that the preacher says every Sunday. You put a smile on my normally frowning face. Thank you.

  15. Julie says:

    She clearly lives in the wrong state. There are definitely more closed-minded states than Mass. she could move to.

  16. Katie B. says:

    Whenever I encounter something like Stacy’s post, I try to remember the words of Archbishop Desmond Tutu concerning the how he viewed the heads of South Africa’s apartheid government–“This is so sad. These are God’s children and they are behaving like animals.” Stacy is a child of God and she is behaving in a terribly sad way. CJ’ Mom, you are an incredible mother and advocate. Keep up the good fight!

  17. Cluttered Mama says:

    I want to throw up. I shouldn’t have clicked on the link. People like her make me sad. And mad, because Jesus is about love. I think St. John of Cusack said it best when asked who his heroes in real life are: “Let’s go with Jesus. Not the gay-hating, war-making political tool of the right, but the outcast, subversive, supreme adept who preferred the freaks and lepers and despised and doomed to the rich and powerful.” Jesus loves us. Jesus loves CJ. Jesus loves you. Heck, Jesus even loves Stacy in all her misguided, bigoted, hate-filled glory. Jesus is love. There is no limit to whom he loves.

  18. Jamie says:

    Stacy Trasancos’s blog post reminds me, most unfortunately, of my own mother, who is extremely homophobic, also very Catholic, and also wanted us to grow up never exposed to things she found objectionable. As I became an adult, i finally started to wonder why, if your beliefs are so strong, you would be so afraid to just be around others’ ways of life, or to permit your children to be? (Case in point: One weekend in college, when I was still attending Mass regularly, I went also to another church service with a friend, and my parents were horrified that I had attended church elsewhere, even in addition to Mass. Bizarre.) It seems to me that if Ms. Transanco was so certain she was right(eous) in her hateful beliefs, she would seize any opportunity to indoctrinate her children against these things. Instead, she is probably fearful that they will come to see homosexuality as equally normal to heterosexuality, and, horror of horrors, come to accept it as a legitimate way for people to be. Therefore, she must try to bring her children up in a fictitious world where things she doesn’t believe in are non-existant, which will, mercifully, backfire on her as they encounter these things on their own and probably be extra curious about them since their mom has made them such a taboo.

    Anyway, I really love your blog and CJ is lucky to grow up in such a loving family that embraces him for exactly who he is.

  19. Eleanor says:

    I read Stacy Trasancos blog’s post, and it made me sick to my stomach.
    Then I intend to leave a comment to let her know what an horrible human being she is and I discovered the comments are closed. Why ? Because PLENTY of other people did the same !
    Gay people, straight people, christians or not, many of them let a comment to say the same thing : that she is an horrible homophobic person and that she is not protecting but damaging her children acting the way she does.
    I’m not going to hope for any of these poor children to be gay just to prove their mother wrong, because they would probably have an HORRIBLE time accepting themselves living in such a home. Thankfully, CJ is living in YOUR home and will never have to face the torment to wonder if his mother is going to love him if he happens to be gay. For that and for the hope you’re giving to so many people, God bless you CJ’s mom.

  20. Alistair says:

    Reminds me of that “god grant me patience NOW” plaque my mother used to have, though in this instant I suppose the issue would be tolerance. She wants to raise her children in a good world and the powers-that-be are giving her the opportunity to show her children how people can treat each other with kindness and respect- only she is not seeing the opportunity for what it is. Most people whose minds work that way eventually lash out in one way or another so I would beg any spiritual-minded individuals reading this to wish her and her children the best future possible as soon as they can. Reminds me of own (Evangelical)family and church; their faith and teachings effected me so much I eventually became a fairly good Buddhist/Wiccan. Life is a joker sometimes. And congrats on making the blog list! You have a lot of people very proud of you C.J.’S Mom!

  21. Kat says:

    Great response to such a fearful blog. I hope that woman finds some enlightenment some where.

  22. MSimon says:

    That post made me sick to my stomach, I’m even mad that I clicked over to read it and gave her more traffic…I find it hard to believe that in today’s “enlightened” society, people still feel this scared and threatened by simple acts of love.
    I love your blog and I love how you are raising your son! Please keep up the good fight!

  23. Vic Anne says:

    Just wow. I just read her blog entry…. she states that Obama has an aunt who is an illegal immigrant. Really?! But also, she was a scientist?! SO GLAD SHE IS NOT ANYMORE! Someone that close-minded working in the science community? I would be very worried for the future.

  24. I believe in free speech, but not at the cost of personal freedoms. I reported the blog as hateful and it should fall within Blogger’s guidelines: “While Blogger values and safeguards political and social commentary, material that promotes hatred toward groups based on race or ethnic origin, religion, disability, gender, age, veteran status, or sexual orientation/gender identity is not allowed on Blogger.”

    Her comments definitely promote hatred.

    And as a side note, she should stop staring at the lesbians in the park.

  25. Mark says:

    I agree with Jean. This is not what the vast majority of catholic churches I have gone to say. It is an odd and distorted viewpoint, almost to the point of evangelical arrogance in the belief of what’s right. that morally superior viewpoint that helps one to assure oneself that they’ll be going to heven after spending their time in hell here, or at least purgatory. 🙂

  26. Jean says:

    I am a practicing Catholic with family friends who happen to include at least 3 priests. And I would like to reassure all of you that “agoraphobic Catholic mom” does not represent my church. I am also the mother of a gay son.
    When my son came out at age 15, we went to counseling and even thought of sending my son to one of those rehab places that do aversion therapy to “turn” him straight. (I am ashamed to even admit that I even thought of this) . Being a devote Catholic, I had always been taught if you have questions or doubts about your faith just go speak to your priest. So I did and to my surprise, my parish priest scolded me for even thinking of subjecting my son to such “outrageous” therapy. He told me that GOD doesn’t make mistakes and my son was “a gift just the way he is”. And you know what? My son is definitely a gift. He is now a wonderful young man who makes me glad GOD chose me to receive this beautiful gift.
    You are a wonderful mom and that is why GOD chose you to receive your special gift, C.J. Congrats on being in the top 100. Keep up your awesome blog –

    • grumblekitty says:

      And did you ask your priest if he intends to give your son and his future significant others communion? Because Catholic dogma says that the only way your son can stay a practicing Catholic who’s allowed to join in communion is to remain celibate. So he’s a gift who is not allowed to join fully in human society. What a “gift”…

  27. amanda says:

    Well, I know who I’d rather run into on the playground. For me, it’s simple — you and your family represent love and tolerance, while Ms.Trasancos represents hate, fear, and intolerance. Is there even a question here?

    Here’s what I find so unbelievable about Ms.Trasancos’ post: if Jesus was on that playground, does she really think He would ostracize the “different” families? No, He would love them just as much as anyone else. Ms.Trasancos’ brand of Christianity (if you can even call it that) is so depressing — whatever happened to God loves everyone, treat others as you would want to be treated, etc.? Her “religion” is more of a front for hatred and fear than an example of Jesus’ love.

  28. Paul says:

    To give her the benefit of the doubt I don’t think that Stacey is full of hate…just fear. She is almost comatose with fear as it seems her brain has ceased to function in a rational and logical way. She says she is a former scientist so I am going out on a limb and assuming that once upon a time she used her brain to question and to think. Then she converted and became catholic…yikes! Often those new converts are the worst kind, they try to out-catholic even the pope, and we all know for good catholics questioning is a huge no no. I myself am curious about one or two things she said…how does one “effeminately rub elbows”? Does one have to have a purse in hand while rubbing? Or will a “limb wrist” suffice? Is she OK with butch rubbing of male on male elbows? I plan on doing some male-male elbow rubbing in public this weekend hoping to offend as many people as possible. I shall do it sans purse however. I would add the “doe eyes” too, but my sort of almond shaped eyes are just not made for any doe eyed gazing. If I try to do doe eyes I just look like a lunatic. Darn! But,every gay man knows – just ask Uncle Uncle – that doe-eyed gazing while rubbing elbows is the heighth of eroticism! That and lesbian next to the swings back-rubbing! Which is how the term “swingers” began BTW.

  29. Coccinelle says:

    I just should never have followed your link… I knew better but my curiousity won…

    I know people like that exist, I hear about them sometimes (like in this post) I just never heard them themselves. And I think it’s a good thing! It’s so discouraging for the society as a whole and so disheartening for her poor children. When I imagine the life of one of these children if they do happen to be gay, I have to fight back my tears really hard!

    “Children should never, ever have to deal with the fact that homosexuality even exists, much less is accepted as “normal”.”

    Poor, poor children of hers… I’m an atheist but I say: pray for them.

  30. Gabrielle says:

    Love your response to that horrible woman. There are plenty of religious people (like my Catholic grandparents and uncle and the whole Jewish side of my family) who not only have no issue with gays but welcome them into their circle of loved ones. My daughter and I are ensuring they also understand gender-nonconforming, too, as we “bend” the rules and refuse to be “ladies”. Hooray for CJ’s mom!

  31. Michael Rowe says:

    I plan to spend the day effeminately rubbing elbows and exchanging doe-eyes. She’s lucky I’n in California this week.

  32. Ellen says:

    Love your blog congrats on the top 100!!! You should be in the top 10 next!
    I agree with your words absolutely….I now must read this woman’s blog …though I already know I agree with you 100%!

  33. donkensler says:

    Oh boy… as my Mom used to say, this woman is a real piece of work. Let me see if I’ve got this right. The rest of us should live our lives to ensure she’s not uncomfortable and won’t have to have what she considers uncomfortable conversations with her kids? Anyone with a modicum of imagination ought to be able to explain these things in an age-appropriate manner, without a gay sex ed lesson, and also toss in the bit about how her god considers the whole thing sinful.

    Then she drags in the part about government funding of abortion, contraception, and IVF. Hey, babe, we all have to tolerate government funding of things we find morally objectionable (leaving aside the question of whether government funding for an organization that performs abortion equals government funding of abortion). I for one find it morally objectionable that hundreds of billions of tax dollars are spent on immoral, illegal, unjust war. If I lived in a state that used the death penalty, I would find it morally objectionable that my tax dollars are spent on that. I find it morally objectionable that tax dollars are spent on airline security theater that primarily exists to target and harass dark-skinned people. And I find it morally objectionable that churches have property-tax exemptions for their palaces that result either in a) higher taxes for me, or b) lower funding available for schools, police, and fire/rescue. Why should Christians be the only ones who are able to impose their views on these matters on the rest of us?

  34. Sadly, that woman is the new face of Christianity and Catholicism– one of hate and bigotry instead of love and acceptance that the religion they cling to actually endorses. These people are afraid of anyone who is different them and use the bible as their weapon of Mass destruction. They would sooner slaughter anyone who does not conform to their way of life than to know anything about them. I could go on for days…

  35. Eli says:

    Very well put. Thank you!

  36. Stephanie Baker-Harden says:

    Amen amen amen!!!!!

  37. wordsfallfrommyeyes says:

    You’re the second blog I’ve read about this woman. I didn’t see her post but it sounds horrifically homophobic. It really is scary to raise children with such narrowed ideas. Must try and catch her blog!

  38. This is not the post for me, just because I’m more of a Sam Harris, Christopher Hitchens type guy when it comes to all religion and faith. HA! If I were part of the family system, I don’t know WHAT name you’d give me 🙂 LOL… The godless uncle? The anarchist uncle? Thoughts?

  39. Tommy says:

    My motto since 1994: “Beware the Treasonous Theocracy”.

    Congrats on the Top 100!

    Now if that agoraphobic woman were technophobic and turned off her computer too…

  40. Felisha says:

    This is the exact type of thing I abhor. And yesterday, I read something from a fellow Christian that made me feel much, much better about the state of the world. 🙂 Hope you have time to enjoy:

    • Vail says:

      Thanks for the link. I was so angry and even tearful after reading that hateful post. The talk of love, beyond mere tolerance, was a like a salve.

  41. Wes says:

    oh and congrats on the top 100, your a great blogger!

  42. Wes says:

    Sing it!
    This may be a bit hypocritical, but i fear for people like that, I’m 20, I believe in God and Jesus, I’m Gay, and I participate at my local LGBT community center. I think that people who view themselves better than others because of there beliefs make me disgusted (and yes i go to church with some of these.)
    Jesus points out specifically not to judge when a lady was dragged through the streets, possibly naked, but diffidently exposed, when she was taken from the bed of a lover and thrown at the feet of jesus at the temple and questioned on how to punish her, the mosaic law say’s to stone those who are caught in the act of adultery, at first he doesn’t answer and fiddles around in the sand, after more questioning he finally replies “those without sin, to cast the first stone.”
    Next is paul in romans, many people use romans 1 as an excuse to blast those who fall in the LGBT and gender non-conforming category with the hate one can only describe as from the devil, without ever taking into regard romans 2:1-4 (You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. Now we know that God’s judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. So when you, a mere human being, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment? Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?)
    Anyway they pass judgment quoting the scripture, without knowing it…. this frustrates me to no end. They should know that judgment is not theres to give.

    • wordsfallfrommyeyes says:

      Wes, fair enough to point out “those without sin, to cast the first stone” but it’s not entirely appropriate here because being gay isn’t a sin! Nature is nature – which I see you can get, but I just had impulse to point that out, reading your thing. Kindly, Noeleen

  43. Nicole Luff says:

    God bless that ignorant lady. I suppose I’d live under a rock if I had 7 kids and never left the house, lol! I can’t imagine how hard it is to be her…

  44. Kirsten says:

    How very sad to read the fear in her post. Yesterday a 4th grade friend of mine was called a faggot at school. Thankfully the principal wants to respond with “zero tolerance.”. But how does that work if kids are learning hateful messages at home? How do we build genuine understanding if people are unwilling to encounter or engage others for whom they are? Luckily my young friend has a strong soul and a rock solid family.

    Your only real flaw in this post? Burying your announcement about being selected as a top blogger way down at the bottom of this!! Congratulations. They made a good choice. There are few blogs for which I read every post but yours is one I never skip.

    • “Zero Tolerance” is nor more something to be thankful for than the Death Penalty which got lots of cheers at the Republican National Deathvention.

      The problem with Zero Tolerance is it’s not about any goal that can politely be called educational / pedagogical. Rather it’s about the “business of education” and lawsuit protection.

      I’m sad to say I don’t know that I have answer nor that what I might be able to contribute would fit on a blog reply comment (or even should, as I risk being off topic).

      Anyway, I hope the 9yo boy or girl and the bully didn’t leave thinking faggot was a ‘bad word’ (to be) or (to say) only.

  45. Mikayla says:

    I love how her tagline says learning about faith and life… Damn woman you havent learned nothing about life yet. -.- Ridiculous.

  46. Hillary says:

    That lady is scary crazy. Mau God have marcy on HER soul.

  47. Ed says:

    CJ’s Mom, YOU ROCK!

  48. Kelly Vickers says:

    “it would be age-appropriate to show them, with words and actions, what it means to love others as you love yourself.”

    She shoots. She Scores! The crowd roars.

    Of course, sadly, this beautiful zinger of a statement presumes Ms. Agoraphobia loves herself, which I doubt. She is almost certainly judging herself harshly too…it’s part of the worst of the religion called churchianity.

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