Things I Never Thought I’d Say to My Son: Post-Halloween Edition

  •  I’m telling you, Lady Gaga is NOT Selena Gomez’s mommy.
  •  Come here, honey.  With your wig tied back like that you look like Paul Revere.  Let’s braid it.
  • That’s why we don’t wear wigs at the dinner table; it’s getting in your food.
  • Please be careful not to get holes in your tights.
  • Hold still please, I need brush your hair a certain way before I put your wig on.
  • Are you going to do the black lipstick?  No?   Good choice.
  • I don’t know who Mr. Goodbar is.  Yes, he does make a good bar.

Last week I welcomed questions from you.  A few were posted in the comments section of that post and I’ll work on answering one or two every Thursday.  Don’t be shy, ask me anything.  If you want a little more privacy, you can email questions to (a few people did that this week).

Q.  “If science allowed, would a parent chose for their child to be heterosexual if they already knew for a fact that they would be homosexual?” – Jazmine

A. No, I would not, if possible, use science to change my homosexual child into a heterosexual.  The thought that some people would consider doing so scares me, mostly for their child’s sake should s/he be a part of the LGBTQ community.  Pack the kid’s bags and send them to my house.

Q.  What about CJ’s creativity – does he often make up stories and the like? I imagine if he did they would be patently hilarious. – Evan

A. C.J. is a creative soul.  You’re question really made me thing.   He is just starting to create stories, but will then pass them off as “dreams.”  His passion is for art.  He will draw detailed pictures with crayons, markers, paints or pencils and explain them to me at length, demanding my full attention.  He will also modify pictures in coloring books if the character’s outfit isn’t right or hair isn’t to his liking.  He can stay in the lines better than most kids his age, but isn’t afraid to go out of the lines if he feels it will improve the final result.


About raisingmyrainbow is a blog about the adventures in raising a fabulous, gender creative son.
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10 Responses to Things I Never Thought I’d Say to My Son: Post-Halloween Edition

  1. Detetiv says:

    Hey have you seen this article:
    There needs to be more people like them. I have a Uncle who’s very similar to yours who has a partner. I’m very blessed that both sides of my family accept him & ask us how they are doing.

  2. The Hook says:

    Another laughfest!

  3. Great blog. I have a mundane, but serious question that you or your readers may be able and kind enough to answer. Our grandchild loves nail polish. I’m cautious about putting questionably toxic polish and remover on such young nails. Any insight?

  4. liesel says:

    I’m gender nonconformative. Needless to say, it’s been hell. Some days I’m in dresses and makeup, others in cargo pants with my chest bound. Yeah, it’s hard. But three suicide attempts later, I’m starting to realize things can get better. I may get harassed a lot, it may hurt, but it’s better than when I tried to deny it. My arms may be scarred, but at least I’m me. No more denial. No more hiding, guarding everything that I say. No more lies. It gets better. Probably not in time for a teenager in the south, but hopefully in time for CJ. He’s a great kid. Never let him forget his worth. You are the best mum anyone could ask for. I wish my parents were more like you. Sorry about how off-topic this post is. Just wanted to say that.

  5. lutiesmom says:

    Love the blog!!!– my 6 yr old son is also a fantastic artist–after watching movies he will then recreate the scenes’ costumes, complete with accessories hanging on color-coordinated hangers drawn next to the outfits. I have high hopes for the next Christian Dior, but cringe when the kids at the community center point at his rainbow toes (toenails painted in 5 colors, though he would dearly love just pink). I need to develop a repetoire of useful phrases to respond to curiosity but deflect potential bullying- anyone have suggestions?

    • Mark says:

      How about, “aren’t they cool?!!!” , or “why should you care, or better yet, why should I care what you think?” What it comes down to is instilling the confidence in him to allow him to do what he wants. We talk alot in this culture about following your heart and being authentic as ideals, but it is a false and hollow statement, because unless we stop ridiculing people then none of us will follow our hearts. True?

      some of us do, and those are the leaders of the pack. They somehow developed the ability to shrug others’ opinions off like a duck in water. They had the confidence in what THEY wanted to do so they did it.

      I sometimes paint my toes, do I have to explain that I’m hetero married upper middle age and 3 kids? I like color, and color has no gender wherever it is. If I have to explain that to anyone then it’s a cop-out and I’m NOT being authentic to who I am. I could care less what they think. Their opinion is immaterial to me. And they would take great offense if I said their shirt or dress or whatever looked like a Halloween costume on them, so what gives then any right whatsoever to tell me my toes look gay or weird or whatever they might come up with.

      It makes me happy he should say, because THAT’S authentic. Say anything but make sure it’s the truth.

  6. kaleigh says:

    i want all of the LGBTQI children to come live with me too.

  7. Jenn says:

    As always, I love “the things I never thought…” posts.

    My Q. “You seem to talk a lot about redirecting CJ in his choice of clothes. Do you ever seriously consider letting CJ to wear whatever whenever he chooses, rather than just special occasions / home dress ups? How do you think CJ would respond if you did? Is there anything specific holding you back in going down this path?”

    I have reworded this many times because I haven’t quite got the syntax right, but I am sure you will get what I mean 🙂

    I ask because my youngest is so similar to CJ, both age and attitude and big brother, any with so very many of the things you write about I am mentally “snapping” with what you and your family are experiencing. The only difference is that my child does dress full time as he sees fit, pinks, purples, hearts, flowers and frills. All dresses and skirts, tights and tiara’s. The only shorts / pants he will wear are a pair of pink swimming shorts with frills and hearts on them, because he does understand that his bits won’t fit in the bikinis. He has very long ringletted hair and is very pretty. ie he fully presents as a girl, in fact, much more “girly” than most of his girl friends. I worry a lot about this choice / freedom at times. Thoughts of his presentation and starting school in a couple of months is crippling me. …

  8. ButchDyke(is that redundant)? says:

    Don’t worry you are not the only parent. My mother to me in the early 60s.
    No you cannot wear Grandpa’s necktie with your skirt set, I know you know how to knot it but it is still too long and even though it is assembly day you cannot wear it.
    No you cannot wear your gun and holster to school with your dress. Pick out another belt to wear.
    Take off the beard and mustache.
    Stop standing up in the bathtub and urinating standing up. The toilet is right next to you, go to it and sit on the seat and urinate.
    Yes I know you want a haircut, no it cannot be a crewcut like your brother’s. Yes you can slick your hair back when you are in the bathtub and it has soap in it.
    Please, please, please stop hanging your Barbie and Ken dolls out the window with a rope around their neck. The neighbors are complaining.

  9. I have another question (you actually answered one of mine via facebook) ..

    Anymore playdates that CJ and the one other gender creative youngster? And, should I use the HE pronoun for CJ until CJ stats a gender identity?

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