Things I Never Thought I’d Say to My Son: The First of 2012 Edition

  • I’m sorry you don’t like my outfit, but if I go upstairs and change we’ll be late for school…like we were yesterday when you didn’t like my red pants.
  • That’s why I don’t like it when you wear your wig to sleep, it gets all tangled.
  • Can you please go put your tap shoes in your room where they belong?
  • Do you have my black slip? I need to wear it with this dress.
  • You need to keep your hands off of your wiener during ballet class; we can all see you through the glass.
  • If you aren’t going to wear your necklace, put it in your jewelry box so you don’t lose it.  You have to take care of your jewels, it’s, like, rule number one in life.
  • You’re getting peanut butter in your wig….again.
  • Your purple shirts are dirty; do you want to wear a pink one?
  • Your jean skirt is on backwards.

    Just another day of beading in his elegant Little Mermaid wrap...

Have you said things to your LGBTQ or gender nonconforming child that you never thought you’d say? 

Are you LGBTQ and have your caregivers ever had to say similar unexpected things to you?

Let’s hear it! I’m working on a project and could use some contributions.  Comment below or email me at


About raisingmyrainbow is a blog about the adventures in raising a fabulous, gender creative son.
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47 Responses to Things I Never Thought I’d Say to My Son: The First of 2012 Edition

  1. Mel says:

    Things that I’ve said to my partner that I never thought I would:
    – Yes, I will make you Fluttershy’s Grand Galloping Gala dress, do you want it long or short?
    – Please let me remove your nail polish, it’s looking really tacky and we’re going out, I promise I will repaint them for you later.
    – Did you shave you arms? Answer: “yes, I trimmed the hairs with my shaver and used your razor to make them smooth.” (at least he cleaned any hair off my razor)
    – Sure, you can wear a hot pink shirt to our friends’ wedding, I’m pretty sure dad will be too.
    – Ok, we’ll get you more wigs.
    – Housewife it is then, if that’s what you’re more comfortable with calling yourself. (he really doesn’t like being called a house husband and I’ve gotten so used to calling him my housewife that it often confuses people when I don’t use any gender specific pronouns before referring to him as such)

  2. Hazel says:

    I’m 18 now. When I came out to my mom last year and told her I had been seeing a girl and it was getting more serious, her immediate response was “As in ‘I kissed a girl and I liked it’? and something about cherry Chapstick?”

  3. Dan McGaffin says:

    If you would let your son pick out your outfits for you, he wouldn’t be late for school. =D

  4. Martie says:

    Things I never thought I’d say? How about “Please don’t leave your Barbies in the sink (he was washing their hair)!”

    “No you can’t wear your sparkle shoes to bed.”

    “Yes, I will buy you high heels, but I’m not going to spend $100 on them.”

  5. how bout things my son has said..”Mom, I need a pair of your pink panties to make my doll dress…And make sure they are clean!”

  6. Nina Van Nostrand says:

    I just came across this as a result of Carolyn Hax’s live chat this last Friday…she mentioned it. I am a teacher, this year teaching Early Admission Kindergarten, which means getting four/five year-olds ready for kindergarten. One of my boys always comments on my heels, which he loves. The first day I gave them a choice of paper color he wanted pink. 20 little voices said, in varying ways, “Ew! You can’t have pink!”

    Couldn’t let it go. “Why can’t he like pink?” “X can like any color he wants.” “Pink is not just a girls’ color.”

    And then yesterday: “X can’t like a boy!”

    I’ve come across this in second grade, but not yet in this age group. And so it starts…and other than standing for truth and authenticity, love, and kindness, I don’t know what else to do. Glad to have happened across this – there’s hope, and strength in numbers.

  7. I love Love Love your posts 🙂 these are incredibly funny, I am really motivated by the way you treat your son 🙂 I hope that one day I could be half the mother you are 🙂

  8. I have a *very* straight boy – but that’s no help, even when you pass – you don’t, when it comes to bullies. So after a very bad school experience (we’ve moved him), I’m having to add statements like these:

    “What’s wrong with pink? Pink is AWESOME.”
    “I dunno, kiddo. That girl could probably kick your booty and come up smiling. You might want to rethink that.”
    “Kid, the *girl* is going to be the Green Ninja. You just wait.”
    “Gahd, the girl’s toys at McDonald’s are STUPID. Give me the boy toy, please.”

    And Mommy hates dresses, just saying. And we watch Winx Club every chance we get.

  9. Stephanie Millard says:

    Yes Jaden those plastic high heels match your boa. No you can not walk around naked in your heels and floppy hat. Yes you can go as Jlo for Halloween. Yes I did order the rainbow striped two piece for the pool party. It doesn’t matter if you get boy presents for your Birthday, give them to Bubby and I will get you the new Monster High doll.

  10. Hahaha on the occasional times that I went out in drag for a themed party my mother told me she never thought she would tell me that she liked my heels…or that I didn’t have enough glitter on…

  11. watpopwua says:

    Things various family members have said to me:

    If you’re going to were all boy clothes, at least get some that fit. The lady next door thinks you look like a thug.
    No you cannot buzz cut your hair; people in our family have funny shaped heads.
    You need proper dress shoes; you cannot wear Chuck Taylor’s with your tux.
    You got first place in the boys division costume contest?
    Why is there a squishy, anatomically correct penis is your night stand. (It’s for drag shows; his name is Pierre.) Why would you name your penis Pierre; the French are not very manly. (But he’s a wee-wee [oi-oi]!) 🙂

  12. Cheryl S. says:

    I don’t have any statements to add, but I wanted to tell you about the discussion that I had with my 6 y/o daughter yesterday. We saw a McDonald’s commercial for the new Star Wars beyblade like toys that are in the “boy” happy meal now. Jess said that she wanted that. Then she was a bit upset because I would have to tell the McDonald’s people that it was for a boy. (She’s a girly girl and was NOT happy). We started talking about it and she decided that McDonalds should just ask you which toy you want! HOw is it that so many children are smarter than adults? Love your blog!

    • duospiritus says:

      My mom fought that battle back when we still ate McDonald’s and still does when ever it comes up, I suggest that you (and ANYONE) question the employee who asks if the meal is for a boy or a girl. And if you don’t want to fight the fight you can still answer with the gender non-specific answer of “My child would like the (princess toy/star wars toy)” and leave it at that. Although in fighting the fight my mom often got our meals comped, and one time she got us a letter permitting us all-you-can-eat McDonald’s (we could go and dine in and just keep ordering whatever we wanted for as long as we stayed there) and that was AMAZING.

      Yours in Queerness,
      Duo Spiritus

      • joylyn says:

        It was amazing, my child, except that it was McDonalds! Fight the fight people, a child should be able to get whatever toy the child wants, and should not have to have a gender specific toy regardless of the toy!

  13. michelle says:

    These are the ones I use the most my boy/girl twins are 3
    It is ok for your brother to wear the headband to the doctors.
    You need to take turn s wearing the tutu
    You can both be mary if you want to ( christmas play brought this on)
    Let your sister have a turn being spiderman

  14. Ismael says:


    It was so cool to find this blog, It’s good to know there is family like yours where the children can grow up happy and safe. I’m gay, 23, I study nursing in a university here in my city. I live in Piauí – Brazil and I’m doing a study about LGBT and how they are receive in SUS (Brazil’s publicly funded health care system).

    You’re a cool mother and a example to be follow.


  15. cwc6161 says:

    Ok,I HAD to include you in my list of nominees for The Versatile Blogger Award. Your blog never ceases to inspire and I applaud you! Many parents could take a few cues from you!

    Read about your nomination here:
    and read about the award here:



  16. WestyC1 says:

    It is so refreshing to hear from a parent that truly embraces what all parents say they want for their children – “We just want you to be happy.” Bravo!! You are a true teacher of tolerance, acceptance and the idea that being different is NOT a bad thing. Thank you.

  17. che says:

    I babysat an adorable 2-year old in California who was not to my knowledge gender-nonconforming but had a super chill family. He wanted to wear a skirt to day care his first day, so his mom talked to the teacher – the teacher said, “Yeah, we have another boy who likes to wear skirts to class. He said he likes it because he can get to his penis easier.”

  18. Grace says:

    CJ and his brother are amazing! Did you read about the 7 year old who announced he is gay and how his parents handled it? It was on the Huffington Post:

  19. Meadowlark says:

    Some things I’ve said to my gender-nonconforming twin daughers (now seventeen):
    I washed your underwear, but you two will have to sort it. I can’t remember which boxers are whose.
    Please pick out your swimming trunks from the catalog so I can place the order this afternoon.
    It’s a casual wedding; you don’t have to wear a tie.
    From now on, sleepovers with guys only.
    Okay, I’ll order the wrist corsage for your prom date; what color is her dress?
    Could you please take out the trash before your dad gets home and does it himself?
    Grandma needs you to mow the hill and trim the hedges on Saturday.
    Should you wear a suit to the awards banquet? I don’t know–what are the other guys wearing?
    I need you to come with me to the hardware store and tell me what kind of drill to buy for your dad.
    Thank you–you’re a gentleman and a scholar!

    And they are the best kids anyone could hope to have.

  20. Isabelle says:

    I love your blog! Today I told my 5 year old son “I’m sorry the clip-on earrings hurt”, “That’s a beautiful necklace, it really matches your outfit” and also “You can’t leave your pin on the couch, someone could sit on it”

  21. I am a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl, and in high school way more than I am now. I took my best friend to prom, I swear he had on more make-up than I did. (which since I was probably only wearing lip gloss, not really difficult)

  22. meetkristenlavallee says:

    I love what you are doing as a parent. It’s inspiring.

  23. I come from a very gender nonconforming and overall different family, so I have a whole bunch of these to share. I asked my dad to help, and here’s what we came up with.
    Things My Dad Never Thought He’d Say To Me (when I was little):
    1. You can’t pee standing up.
    2. Yes, the best episode of the Muppet Show is by far the one with Alice Cooper and the monsters.
    3. I’ll tell Auntie that you want the Batman action figures for your birthday.
    4. I will tell you a bedtime story about Sonic the Hedgehog and Batman defeating Dr. Eggman and the Riddler if you really want me to.
    5. You want to read the Gashlycrumb Tinies? Okay. (Look that book up if you haven’t heard of it)

    Things My (Bisexual) Father has Heard His Mom Say to Him and is Sure She Never Thought She’d Say to her Son (when he was little):
    1. Do not put on my makeup! You’ve made a mess with it.
    2. You want a Barbie Dream House for your birthday?
    3. You’ll have to ask your sister if you can borrow her tiara.
    4. I have never seen a little boy who likes Cher as much as you do.

  24. Crystal says:

    Things I have said to my daughter:

    How many times do I have to tell you to put your dump truck back in your room?
    Yes, We can see The Fantastic Four and The Rise of the Silver Surfer instead of (whatever girly movie was out at the time).
    I agree Superheroes are better than Barbie!
    Go Go Power Rangers!!
    No, you can not shave your face!
    Boys can wear girl clothes the same as girls can wear boy clothes.
    When the movie Cars first came out, she would make me go to the boys clothes section everytime we went to Wal-Mart to see if they had any new Cars clothes. I thought it was a bit sexist that they only made boy clothes with the Cars images on it at that time.

    My daughter is mostly gender conforming. She went through a pink phase and now is in a all blue phase, but she always likes to throw in “boy” things from time to time. When we go to a fast food restaurant she has to know what the “boy” toy and what the “girl” toy are before she decides which she wants. Power Rangers and Superheroes win out over Barbie, but never over The Littlest Pet Shop or Monster High. Her wardrobe is mostly jeans and t-shirts with some dresses sprinkled in.

  25. It’s just plain stupid that I’m leaving a comment after so much time of following you but where I live it’s nearly 8 o’clock in the morning and I’m furious amd drunk. (Doesn’t make any sense but whatever)
    I honestly love your blog. It makes me smile everytime I read it. Just like it did now that I saw this in my inbox. And I really needed a smile at the moment.
    You should be proud for being able to say all these to your son. In fact you should be proud for just being who you are. And I hope both of your children grow up proud for the fact you are their mom. You’re more than worth it. Just like your husband.
    At times I find myself wishing you were my parents; just so that I could I actually talk to somebody when I need to. ^^

  26. Brooke says:

    Things I never thought I’d say to my son(who is 18)
    1. You are not leaving this house dressed like that, go up stairs an put more clothes on.
    2. Did you borrow my nude pumps?
    3. What have I told you about borrowing my clothes with out asking?
    4. That dress is too short go change.
    5. The only way i’m buying a skirt that short is if it comes with pants attached inside it.
    6. Can I borrow your new lip gloss?
    7. No you can not spend the night at his house, I don’t care if you say he is straight.
    8. Don’t let any guy ruin your friendship.
    9. You are not spending a weekend alone with your boyfriend.
    10. I’m all out of mascara do you have an extra?
    11. Yes you can borrow my dress.
    12. I forgot my lipstick, do you have one in your purse close to the one i’m wearing?

    Things I never thought i’d say to my daughter(who is 18)

    1. Stop taking your brothers clothes with out asking.
    2. No you can not ride on his motorcycle.
    3. Honey he’s gay so even if he wasn’t dating your brother, he still wouldn’t be interested in you.

    Things said to the both of them

    1. If you two don’t stop fighting over those earrings neither of you will get them.
    2. Stop fighting over the bathroom.

    • Miriam Joy says:

      Ha ha, some of these made me laugh! I can imagine it can be stressful at times with what people say, but honestly, put into a list like that and it’s very amusing 🙂

  27. Melissa says:

    I found these and immediately thought of CJ. Hopefully he’ll find some he will love. (Monster High color sheets… a lot of Miss Frankie who is also my personal favorite and I’m a 30 year old woman with no kids!)

  28. larry bunner says:

    just something i remember that i saw and ended up posting on my fb
    reminded me of your site hope all enjoys it as much as i did

    We could learn a lot from crayons; some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, while others bright, some have weird names, but they all have learned to live together in the same box. ~Robert Fulghum
    kinda like a rainbow

  29. larry bunner says:

    i have commeted before love your blog
    some of the sayings are just to funny
    keep up the great work
    smile and love all no matter what we are

  30. kierrajanay says:

    I’ve dated both men and women…I think it was very awkward for me to first say “My Girlfriend” or cry in my mothers lap because “My Girlfriend” broke up with me. And to this day…I don’t know how she felt about it. I think she never saw herself saying… “my daughter doesn’t have a bf..But a Gf”.

  31. “Look, it’s fine if you are ‘just curious’ about women’s underwear, but you can’t take all of mine and hide them. I need to wear something!”

  32. Anne says:

    I love these posts. Here’s some of mine that I can remember…

    You can’t wear a wig at the dinner table
    If your going to wear a dress you have to sit with your legs crossed
    What shoes should I wear with this outfit?
    Your going to ruin your princess dress if you go outside in it.
    From earlier years…. Could you please take the dish towel off your head. And… I don’t have any hair elastics to put “piglets” aka pig tails in your hair..(we had an early fascination with dish towels for long hair and at least a year of styling dish towels)

    And just for kicks, my youngest who I don’t think is LGBT(just well adjusted to his older brother) was happily twirling in his wonder woman dress, when he whipped off his diaper and said “Mom, do you want to see my penis when I spin?”. Not really related, but it was funny.

    Hope those help with your project:)

  33. irisgirl says:

    I just know you were smiling when you wrote this post, as I am reading it!

  34. alligatortoe says:

    My mom calls me her “delicate flower.” She is being entirely sarcastic 🙂

  35. Karen says:

    You can’t stand up to pee because you make a bigger mess than your brother.

  36. Like all your other posts, I adore this. I do hope you are writing a book. Have you read Asher is a lovely young man who writes from his heart about being inter-sexed. But he also writes about life and cooking and cycling.

  37. Yumi Sayama says:

    “I’m sorry you don’t like my outfit, but if I go upstairs and change we’ll be late for school…like we were yesterday when you didn’t like my red pants.”
    Hahahaha… He’s awesome xD

  38. bluerosegirl08 says:

    Thanks I needed the smile today! My mother told me when I was 10 “You can’t have a Mohawk while we live with grandma because she’d have a heart attack” I wanted it to be electric blue.

  39. Monae says:

    I’ve never commented on here…but I’ve really enjoyed reading these posts.

    My thoughts, when reading this, went back to a little boy in a preschool I taught at…if I were to “label” this adorable little boy “Josh”, I would have to say he would fit into some sort of nonconforming box. He loved necklaces, high heels, hats, purses, and LOVED doing hair. Every afternoon, after most of the other children had gone home, I sat as Josh “made me beautiful”.

    One day, his mother walked in and began to apologise to me and said she was worried that one day he’d be a hairdresser – with an obvious distress in her voice on Josh becoming LGBT. In an upbeat voice I simply told her we’d have to make sure that he got a better set of brushes then.

    Josh should be 11 or 12 now – and I quite hope that his mother became as accepting as you are with your son.

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