Atlanta…I’m coming for you. This Wednesday through Sunday, I’ll be in town for Salon LGBTQ, the first national LGBTQ social media conference.
Friday, Oct. 18, at 2:15 p.m.: I’ll be part of a panel titled “Raising (and Writing About) the Next Generation of LGBTQ Kids.” My co-panelists and fellow fierce mamas are none other than the super astounding Amelia (Huffington Post), Sarah Manley (Nerdy Apple) and Kelly Byrom (It’s a Bold Life).
Charis Books will be there selling books and I’ll be signing. Will I see you there?
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In my post last week, I wrote about our family attending a high school football game to show Chase tackle football up close and personal because he has been begging to make the switch from flag football to full-contact football. I wrote plenty about C.J.’s reactions to the game – which ended up being the school’s Homecoming Game — but I didn’t write about Chase’s reactions.
And, you called me on it. And, it touched my heart because it reminded me that you care about BOTH of my children equally. Sometimes I foolishly think that your focus is more on C.J. Mine isn’t – of course – I love both of my kids with all of my heart no matter what.
Any-who, Chase has decided that perhaps tackle football can wait a season or two. 😉 So, flag football it is for at least another six months to one year. This mom is happy with his decision and doing a touchdown, end-zone-dance in her head because the longer I can keep him out of physical-harm’s way the better. I’m not sure that I’ll ever be ready for Chase to start tackle football…not unless they let me get suited up and block him as he blocks for the runner guy with the ball (Whatever position that is called. Receiver? Running back? Ball carrier? Mr. Fastypants Runnerman?).
Raising My Rainbow 
Hello Ladies,
Lori thanks for a very insightful blog series. What you are experiencing with C.J. is indicative of how perceptions have changed over the last 50 years, in that you can bring it into the public domain where as years ago it was a strictly taboo subject that did not have a “label” You were not gender dysmorphiic, you were just strange or Odd. Thank god life has progressed and well done to you for putting yourself in the “line of fire” C.J. and Chase are blessed to have such perceptive parents. As a writer myself its hard to include all you wish to write about while keeping to self imposed guide lines and dead lines, which is why you fell foul of your followers picking you up on not including Chases thoughts about the game. Forgive me, I am not well versed in american sports, or any kind of sports for that matter, which may give you a slight insight into my own personality, however that’s a whole new “ballgame?” It must be hard to find a balance so that the poor lad does not feel left out, but having read snippets of your blog, I can tell that you have the mix about right. Carry on doing what you’re doing.
Dawn, Yes us blokes do seem to know “both sides” not that boys in general can make much sense of it, its just a general “knowing”. Ain’t it annoying girls. I haven’t over the years been allowed to show as much of my feminine attributes as C.J. is, in fact my habits are very – sad to say – covert but again that’s a generation thing. True to say I enjoy my life and take great joy in knowing that society has been unable to pigeon hole me
Thank you
Hi Ladies, Lori; Thank you for a brilliant insight into a “slice of life” that has been overlooked for so long in the past. I did spot that you had tended to talk more about C.J. than Chase on the last blog, As a writer, I know it is so easy to wander off subject occasionally and by the time you realize, you have already reached your word quota and there is that- self imposed – deadline to meet. I didn’t feel “right” about replying at the time, as I was just starting out in reading your blog, and I must say that its fascinating, and is particularly- I’m struggling for the right word here, so I’ll just come out with it- relevant. (To my own life) Thats the hard bit out of the way.
Dawn you are correct boys are special but only in the way’s that our heritage/Hormones expect us to behave. its doubly difficult when we begin to hit puberty, Girls have set “nurturing” goals and boys are built to “fight” but more poignantly “protect”. These instincts kick-in before procreation starts and it can be doubly hard for boys who feel these two urges as conflicting rather than complementary emotions . Could you elaborate with what you mean by “endless possibilities”
I do have mildly autistic traits and am a Clutterer,-Not in the “hoarding sense” but my thought processes sometimes go off at a tangent.
I’m glad your son Chase has decided to delay tackle football. I encourage you to watch the PBS Frontline episode, “League of Denial,” which just aired on October 8th (http://video.pbs.org/video/2365093675/). It not only talks about the dangers of football at the pro level and the high incident of brain damage and dementia of former players (guys in their 40s), but it also shows that permanent damage to the brain might be starting in high school and college football. Scary stuff.
Also – damn! I wish I could go to Salon LGBTQ!!!!
I, too, struggle to balance between the stories of my two children. You might not hear about my daughter quite as much as my son, but she’s just as fabulous (and exhausting)!
Why can’t the kids just all be into curling? 😉 I was a soccer kid myself – only sport that ever interested me.
-I- curled. Can’t say it was a cool kid’s sport (not with a straight face, anyway). And for an uncoordinated, gangly girl of 12, it wasn’t exactly my sport. Until book-reading makes it into the Olympics, I’ll have to stay a spectator. LOL
I’m pretty sure the position you’re thinking of is fullback, if he’s blocking for the halfback during a running play. And if you’re crazy enough to run out into the field and start blocking for him, you’d probably be an illegal offensive lineman…and if this is middle school football, the actual linemen on the team are probably already bigger than you. Must be something in the water, eh?
I played football in high school. I was the only girl on the team. I also play and referee rugby, now. There’s some risk involved in participating in contact sports, but there’s risk in every activity. I’ve gotten a concussion playing rugby, but I’ve also gotten a concussion from a fall in the shower. I had a friend tear his ACL running down the stairs on The Price is Right. Baseball and tennis aren’t contact sports, but I’ve seen plenty of knee injuries from both. Don’t worry about it too much.
And Chase should definitely check out rugby. Much more fun. The tackling is safer, because it needs to be a more skillful movement when done without pads. Players are taught to tackle and go to ground safely, instead of just clobbering each other with their shoulders. And he’ll get to carry and pass and kick the ball in rugby, whereas in football, he’ll probably be relegated to one position.
It’s a good sign that Chase has decided himself to wait. My son was always the smallest. Not an easy calling for him, but at least he opted out of football without even a discussion. He does tennis, and I can vouch for its safety…yet it still gives that social wink to “Athletics” that pre-teen and teen boys grope for in the ruthless world of middle school pecking orders, and beyond.
Throughout middle school, I routinely heard about football players with terrible injuries (concussions, broken bones, severe trauma). Boys would go to the ER during practice, not just during games. No doubt football players attract the girls because of their build. But water polo players and swimmers are in better shape and don’t suffer the injuries that linger into adulthood. It’s really a dangerous sport – not healthy.
Well ladies, wether we like it or not being male seems to encompass much many more avenues and possibilities. I often wondered if it is that “X Y” of men. think about that. a bit of each on a genetic bases. we only have two of the same??? men seem to see both sides more often then women al a CJ or the other side al a Chase. Being male seems to have more and varied aspects than being girls. Of course this is not a fact, just this womans observation over 57 yrs..Many more variants in men, also illnesses,hemophillia no female hemopheliacs. fragile X syndrome, harms boys worse than girls.More autistic boys… I do believe that the male is realy the special one, in that there seems to be endless possibilities with boys..Just saying.
I’m so glad to hear another mom say this. Here in Texas, boys are made to feel like playing football is a requirement. I see a lot of boys he grow up with who pretend to want to play because they’re pressured into it Mine is not interested in football and that suits me just fine, I like his brain the way it is.
I understand completely! My son is 10 and said I want to play football this year! He is 50 inches tall and 51 lbs soaking wet. Fortunately I was able to find a flag football league, but each week that he goes flying down when he goes after the pulls I cover my eyes and wince. I’m glad Chase chose to wait. I loved CJ’s enjoyment at the game
I’m also glad Chase has decided to wait a year or so. Sensible decision on his part. 🙂
Maybe encourage him to do another equally cool sport? Baseball is non-contact. Or basketball.
Yeah football is rough but you’re raising tough kids who can handle a bit of pain from time to time. And you’re 100% correct about your readers, we care about the well being of ALL the members of your family!! And some of us are still waiting for that book reading in NYC!!
When my son was in high school he was the smallest one on the football team…and the quarterback. I hated it. I watched his games and still hated his participation. I understand your feelings about the game all too well.