Spoiler Alert: I allude to some things about Santa that you may not want your child to read.
It’s a different kind of Christmas in our house this year. It’s C.J.’s first Christmas knowing that thing about Santa that only bigger kids and grown ups know.
This year, C.J. handed over his Christmas wish list only after confirming multiple times that “knowing gets you just as many presents as believing.” I guess he would start un-knowing and re-believing if my answer had been no instead of yes.
Let’s just dive right into his list, because the item at the top managed to shock even the world’s reigning drag queen – so there’s really no subtle way for me to introduce it.
Hip pads to wear while in drag: He’s heard all about them on RuPaul’s Drag Race and has caught glimpses of queens making them and tending to them on the show; now he wants his own set. Or pair. Or however you address them to mean one for each hip. Oh, and butt. When he told this to Bob The Drag Queen, Bob was surprised and gave a fabulous, hearty chuckle.
Bob said that a queen usually makes her hip pads based on the size and age of the woman she is going to be. What do you do if your queen is a nine-year-old boy who wants to be a 20-something man being a 30-something woman?
Drag Makeup and Drag Clothes: Per family tradition, we visited an amusement park yesterday. I’ve had my kids’ Santa pictures taken there since they were born. I asked C.J. if he wanted to sit on Santa’s lap and get his picture taken given this year’s enlightenment. He said yes. We stood in line and he walked maturely up to Santa and took a seat.
C.J.: I don’t believe in you anymore, but I wanted to tell you that I want drag makeup and drag clothes for Christmas. You know, just in case.
Santa: That sounds great!
Uncle Michael is in charge of checking drag makeup off the list. Now I guess it’s up to me to find drag clothes in youth size 8/10.
These crazy-ass shoes: I’ve ordered them from China and they are lost in transit and the seller won’t return my emails. So, if you all could say a prayer or do a missing-LED-sneaker-rave-footwear dance, that would be awesome. Of everything on the list so far, I thought this would be the easiest gift to get. I was wrong.
Photo creds: Amazon
Olympic regulation trampoline: Apparently the 12-foot trampoline we have in our backyard is too small for C.J.’s Olympic dreams. He now wants a 10ft by 17ft behemoth that is hand-woven and weighs 573.2 pounds. The price tag is $5,000 and I didn’t see it in any Black Friday ads. Why can’t my kid be normal and want a Hatchimal like all the other kids?
Me: What on earth are you going to do with liquid rubber?
C.J.: Make a boat and a cup.
Photo creds: Flex Seal
Jeggings with rips and holes in them: This has become an annual request due to growth.
C.J.: I need new ones because when they get too small for you, girls’ pants really crush a guy’s nuts.
Crocheted mermaid tail: He saw this somewhere and wanted me to crochet it for him. I’ve taken one one-hour crocheting class at Jo-Ann’s, so my skill level isn’t exactly capable of mythical creatures. I was so flattered by his confidence in me, that I bought him one from Zulily.
Photo creds: Zulily
Rainbow light for his room: If you ever need to find C.J.’s room in the dark, it will be the one with the bright rainbow beaming out of it. Of course.
Photo creds: Amazon
Lego Amusement Park: 1124 pieces. And I will step on every damn one of them.
Photo creds: Amazon
Luckily, C.J. is a pretty thankful and easily excitable person. He’s going to be very pleased with what’s under the tree this year.
Happy holidays to you all! If the holidays aren’t happy for you, please know that I’m thinking about you.
Remember, you are not alone 
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Raising My Rainbow 
My daughter asked for a vagina.
Lego. You mean “Caltrops”. Also known as “Gateway Drug”. When my son finally moved out of home, it was 7 LARGE plastic tubs full…
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A mermaid crochet tail can take MONTHS to make by hand and skills that are beyond mere mortals like us, happily you chose to buy it!
It warmed and comforted my heart to read this. I hope we get a post-Christmas peek at some of the results. Love, peace, and joy to you all.
I and my beard are both doing a LED sneaker dance at this very moment.
Since C.J. Is keen on the mermaid tail I hope he has seen Bette Midler as Delores Delago the Toast of Chicago. However Delores may just be entertaining to fifty something gay male…nah Bette is timeless with her camp.
Can I write a children’s story about CJ meeting Bob for Halloween? I’m thinking of aiming it at around 4-5 year olds. I’ll have it as a free download online, so it can reach as many fabulous boys as possible!
Glad you are back! Praying for the sneaker fairy to drop them at your house soon. I hope CJ and Chase get what they wish for this year!
Instead of maybe the Olympic regulation trampoline, maybe trampoline lessons at a local gymnastics club where he can bounce on one regularly?
Season’s Greetings! I hope your family and all your readers have a wonderful holiday season! If swimming like merfolk interests anyone you know, check out the Mertailor! They look amazing and have tails for kids!
What a lovely Santa! Glad to see you posting again, I’ve missed you. And I always look forward to CJ’s Christmas list. The hip pads and the leggings cracked me up. And those sneakers are so fabulous. I hope they arrive. A very happy Christmas to your family.
Ok, first of all – MAJOR kudos to that mall Santa. I actually got a little teary there.
Moving on… hip pads should be reasonably easy to make with upholstery foam and some spray on adhesive. Sculpting can be achieved using a hot wire cutter (not as dangerous as it sounds and available on amazon). The costuming and fursuiting communities have tons of resources online about foam sculpting and as CJ will be growing for a long time, maybe its a good idea for him to have resources to learn how to make his own – it will be cheaper in the long run and by the time he’s old enough to start performing he’ll be years ahead of the other gurls.
Also – this mermaid pattern came across my crafting feeds today: https://diyprojects.com/diy-mermaid-tail-crochet-pattern/ Its not properly scaled (those fish scales take FOREVER) but perhaps it might be closer to your comfort level if you want to try making one?
Happy Christmas to you and your beautiful family 🙂
First, I’ve been missing you! I am imagining like many of us you have been hunkered down since that day in November the the world stopped moving and everything changed, I am just now starting to breath again, however irregularly. I am so afraid for my best friend and her wife. I am so afraid for my nephew. I am so afraid for anyone who is different either by race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, identity…any reason they might feel different.
Second, I have not laughed this hard, well since that fateful day in November, as I did tonight reading this post. Especially the crushed nuts part. Your C.J. is such a little gift. Your Chase and your husband and your brother, and you, your beautiful words…they lift me up. Thank you
Here is wishing C.J. and Chase get everything there heart desires. On Christmas and every day.
I would have so loved to make him one! I am a knitter and as part of my spreading cheer project I want to give away cowls (in colour of their choice) to any gender bender kid that wants one.
HA! Absolutely loved it. And I’ll bet that Santa went home and wrote that one in the book of ‘Things you won’t believe kids asked for.”
Thanks for this, I laughed all the way through.
Have a happy and safe holiday. Hugs to the rug-rats.
“Classics Curves” clcrv.com is a company that specializes in making custom hip and fanny pads for crossdressers. Worth a look.
Corey
I love reading about CJ – he is awesome! He sounds so much like my 10 year old son – all he wants for Christmas is make-up, more make-up and sparkly heels. Thank goodness anything goes here in London. A very Merry Christmas to you all xx
OMG, the Flex Seal threw me! But I would like to see how the boat turns out. 😀
Santa was awesome and now I want a rainbow nightlight.
Happy holidays!!!
OMG, the Flex Seal threw me! But I would like to see how the boat turns out. 😀
Santa was awesome and now I want a rainbow nightlight.
Happy holidays!!!
I’m surprised no one has mentioned yet how awesome that Santa was! Plus yep – the jeggings comment cracked me up too!
No life-sized stuffed giraffe this year? 🙂 Happy holidays to you all.
C. J. is hilarious. I love his I hope that the holiday season is filled with joy for you and your precious family. Oh, and Justice is the store where all the girls CJ’s age are shopping, just in case you didn’t already know. I hope Cj gets what he is wishing for for Christmas, except for maybe the Olympic trampoline. Please know that your posts make my day more often than not. Thanks to you and your family.
CJ’s one super Lucky Kid to have parents as yourselves. Did not exist back in 1940’s.
As usual, you are THE BEST mom ever! And being a mom myself and understanding the need to get what the kiddos want, I honestly just did a get the sneakers here on time dance in my office. Good luck, and merriest of Christmases to your family and especially sweet CJ!
C.J. is the best! Will you get that trampoline after all??
My sister is 11 and still believes in Santa. Either that, or she’s a damn good liar. I think I’d be crushed the day she told us that she didn’t believe in Santa…
You are a wonderful Mom. If only my Uncle Jack in the 1930’s had had this family support maybe he might have made it to an adult and I could have met him. Someone placed CJ with the perfect parents. Merry Christmas (you can find Jack’s story under my flickr in Fuller Family album)
Your… eh hem… I mean CJ’s list had me howling with laughter….. and then I said a small prayer of thanks that he is your kid not mine. I felt oh so superior …..well ….until I read my kids christmas list…..can you move over and save me a seat on the crazy mom bench???
PS can you tell me why they think flex seal is so fricking cool?????
Oh and it sounds like you’ll need these!
https://www.amazon.com/finally-makes-slippers-protect-parents/dp/B0184LJJ3U
Maybe CJ’s runners ran off to join Jeremy’s purple mini race car (in a pop can). It sounds like something cool things do.
CJ’s comment about out-growing the jeggings cracked me up! I hope his Christmas is everything he wants it to be! You too!
I have done the “lost shipment from China” game 3 years in a row. If it makes you feel any better, all 3 times the orders got to me at the end of the day before xmas eve. Hopefully you have the same experience with the shoes! Happy Holidays!
I too have had the pleasure of ordering something from China (the coronation dress from Frozen for my son)..same thing as you, no response. It did arrive, but it was in January. I told my son that the elves were still making it so it took a bit longer. 🙂 It was probably the BEST purchase I ever made for my son. He still wears it and loves it!
Re the shoes: if purchased through Amazon, let them know. It sounds like they are merchant fulfilled but Amazon still handled the transaction and can probably get your money back.
Wow, even I want a rainbow nightlight now!
❤️Happy holidays to your beautiful family!