High School Student Needs Advice on Coming Out

Posted on February 3, 2011 by raisingmyrainbow

Hey peeps, this week I was approached by a devoted Raising My Rainbow and Queerty reader who has a few questions for us. Cameron is a 19-year-old who runs the Gay-Straight Alliance at his high school in Ontario, Canada.  He’s looking for advice on coming out and/or supporting those who are coming out.  I’m just as eager as Cameron is to read your answers and advice.  You can reply via posting a comment at the end of this blog post or e-mail me discreetly at RaisingMyRainbow@gmail.com and I’ll pass your advice on to Cameron.  See Cameron’s e-mail below.  Thanks for your help!   

I'm coming out, I want the world to know....

“Calling all mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, friends and of course gays!
Coming out is something that calls on not only one person, but their entire support group. This can include parents, friends and teachers. So, what advice would you give to the support group – the people supporting someone who has made the decision to come out and live their life as who they are. I am a high school student in Ontario, Canada and I run a GSA at my school. We recently discussed support groups at one of our meetings, and I am very interested in the opinions of others in regards to this.
Sincerely,
Cameron”

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The Boy Who Cried Fabulous

Posted on January 27, 2011 by raisingmyrainbow

When Uncle Uncle comes to visit he always arrives bearing gifts; beautifully wrapped gifts, because – after all — merchandising and appearance are everything.

One of the favorites, by far, is the book The Boy Who Cried Fabulous written by Leslea Newman and illustrated by Peter Ferguson.

C.J. is...The Boy Who Cried Fabulous.

Yes, I have read My Princess Boy by Cheryl Kilodavis.  I applaud her.

But, C.J. identifies more with The Boy Who Cried Fabulous.  I think it has something to do with redheads sticking together; hence his affinity for Ariel (The Little Mermaid) and Strawberry Shortcake.  I digress.

The Boy Who Cried Fabulous is, in a word, fabulous.

It’s about Roger…

“Roger is ‘different’ much to his parents’ dismay, until he teaches them just how fabulous being different can be!”

Leslea Newman explains why she wrote the book….

“I have a very good friend named Roger, whose favorite word is “fabulous.” One day Roger told me a friend of his gave him a nickname: the boy who cried fabulous. Roger said, “Wouldn’t that be a great title for a children’s book?” I agreed and went to work!”

Excerpt – The Boy Who Cried Fabulous

“When Roger started out for school,
His mother set a simple rule.

She said, ‘Now Roger, you go straight
Straight to class and don’t be late.’

Roger tried hard to obey,
He knew that he should not delay.

He shouldn’t wander or explore
But then he came upon a store,

Its windows full of lovely clothes
So colorful that Roger froze,

Then clapped his hands in fits of glee
And shouted out in ecstasy:

“What a fabulous coat, is it silk or wool?
What a fabulous bell, can I give it a pull?
What a fabulous door, does it open wide?
What a fabulous store, can I come inside?”

© 2003 Lesléa Newman

People often as me what C.J. looks like. He pretty much looks like a younger version of this. Handsome, no?

 Other books by Leslea Newman that you might want to give a read….

Mommy, Mama, and Me and Daddy, Papa, and Me are the first board books ever published for kids who live in two-mom and two-dad families.

A Fire Engine for Ruthie about a little girl who wants to play with fire engines and trains and motorcycles.

Too Far Away to Touch about a child and her special uncle who is lots of fun, even when living with AIDS means he’s not feeling his best.

Felicia’s Favorite Story about a little girl who loves to hear the story of her adoption told by her two mothers.

Heather Has Two Mommies about a little girl with two mommies who learns that families come in all shapes and sizes.

Donovan’s Big Day about a little boy on the day that his two moms are getting married.

What other books should I be reading to C.J.?  I want your suggestions!

Funny thing is, I'm wearing the same exact hat as the mom in this picture...right now....as I type. Weird!

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Falling Off the Boy Toy Wagon Into Girl Toy Heaven

Posted on January 24, 2011 by raisingmyrainbow

It was like watching somebody come alive, watching a flower bloom, watching a rainbow cross the sky.

It was the day C.J. discovered Barbie.

Back story: Uncle Uncle and I had a bad Barbie addiction as children. It was tough to shake, especially since our mother was and is a total enabler.  In March 2009, Nana Grab Bags bought me – a grown woman — Mattel’s 50th Anniversary Bathing Suit Barbie.  She was a modernized version of the original 1959 doll with a two-piece, black and white bikini trimmed with her signature color pink, pink hoop earrings, ponytail and a cell phone.

 

 

The girl who changed C.J.’s life forever.

 

I kept her in her box in my closet for months.  One fall day I was cleaning out my closet and sat boxed Barbie on my bed.

“WHAT DAT?!”

I nearly fell off my stepstool at C.J.’s shriek.

“It’s Barbie.”

“I want to open she!”

He held the box as he jumped up and down, up and down, up and down.

I hesitated.  You don’t open a boxed Barbie if you can at all help it.

But his face.  His sweet excited face could convince me to do worse things.  We opened her.

Cue the choir of angels.

I figured he would play with her for a day or two and lose interest; like he did with most toys.  She’s been a constant in his life for more than a year.  Oh, he wasn’t dabbling, he was hardcore from the start.

It was the beginning of our adventures in raising a slightly effeminate, possibly gay, totally fabulous son.

 

 

Hair and makeup by C.J. Call for your appointment today!

 

C.J.’s Brother was a devoted Thomas the Tank Engine fan from his third birthday to his fourth birthday exactly.  12 months; no more, no less.

C.J. and Barbie are celebrating their 16 month anniversary.

“And, how’s C.J.?  Is he still playing with dolls?  Oh, he is?  When do you think this phase is going to end?  What do you think it means?” ask Grandma and Grandpa Colorado when we catch up by phone.

Since C.J. hooked up with Barbie I’ve been mostly answer-less.

I have to admit, it’s easier for me to connect with my younger son over Barbie than it was to connect with my older son over Thomas the Tank Engine and the Best Traxxas RC Trucks.  Me and Babs go way back.  Playing Barbies with C.J. is much like playing Barbies with Uncle Uncle.  Uncle Uncle would backcomb her hair to high hell and I’d be responsible for brushing her out; same goes for when C.J. manages to tangle her to rat’s nest proportions.  And, both Uncle Uncle and C.J. have scolded me countless times for my outfit choices and styling techniques.  It’s history repeating itself.

 

 

Uncle Uncle taught C.J. to fashion a waterproof cocktail dress out of a Ziploc bag. Perfect for nights in the hot tub or a dip in the rooftop pool at The London after dark.

 

Since C.J. fell off the “boy toy” wagon we’ve endured questioning stares, dirty looks, disgusted headshakes, knowing nods and smiles of encouragement.

C.J. has been his happiest since he met Barbie, we haven’t always been.  But, as a mother, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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A Boy Wants a Doll: Father Grows Uncomfortable When Son Challenges Gender Stereotypes

Posted on January 21, 2011 by raisingmyrainbow

Tonight on “What Would You Do?” (ABC at 9 p.m.) the show sets up a scenario at a toy store and sends in actors to see what people will say when a father struggles with the thought of buying a doll for his son. Will anyone support the father’s decision not to buy the doll or will they see it as a harmless phase and suggest he give in?

I love the kindergarten teacher….watch the clip here.

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Toe Rings for Pa’s 63rd Birthday

Posted on January 20, 2011 by raisingmyrainbow

It was Pa’s 63rdbirthday, which always necessitates a big hoopla because Pa is one of those people who L-O-V-E-S his birthday.  I’m the opposite by the way.

Any-who, Nana Grab Bags is happy to accommodate and fulfill Pa’s fantasies of an over-the-top birthday because she is obsessed with holidays, fanfare and all things celebratory.

A 63rdbirthday and what does Pa get?  Dinner at Red Robin, a carousel ride, a homemade cake, Paul Frank themed party supplies and goody bags for everyone.

Yes, goody bags.

And, in those goody bags, among other things?  Toe rings.  Yes, ladies and gentlemen, toe rings for Pa’s 63rdbirthday.  Flower-shaped, bedazzled toe rings.

Why must Nana Grab Bags do this to me?  Why must she buy trinkets under the ruse that I might like them when really she knows C.J. will go bananas for them?  Because boy did he.

Next thing you know, Nana Grab Bags is calling the family to gather round for a rousing rendition of Happy Birthday to Pa and C.J. hollers….

“Jus’ a mimute, I’s gotta put my toe rings on.”

The music stops.  Macho, Mexican-American, born-again-Christian Pa takes a deep breath and steadies himself on the counter.  We all wait in awkward silence for C.J. to get his toe rings on.  And, then, we break into song.

 

C.J. hearts his new toe rings and is secretly praying for sandal weather.

 

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If Homosexuality Could be Detected During Pregnancy Would You Want to Know?

Posted on January 13, 2011 by raisingmyrainbow

My last blog post made me – again – consider this question…..

If homosexuality could be detected during pregnancy through routine blood work or standard ultrasound, what percentage of people would want to know?  What percentage of people would abort?

I’d want to know because lord knows I’m a planner.  I was the first to want to go to Organic Gender in Riverview, Florida to find C.J.s gender. I generally don’t like surprises, unless they are lavish gifts being showered on me with no strings attached (I also don’t like strings attached).  Other than that, I always want to know what’s coming my way.  I need a plan of attack.  Constantly.

That’s what’s so hard about raising C.J. — because I want to know right now if he is gay.  And, I can’t know that now and I most likely have more than a decade of not knowing.  It will be years before I have answers to some of my most important questions I have about him.  Do I need to preregister him at the performing arts high school?  Do I need to look into homeschooling or online coursework to protect him from bullies? Should he graduate early from high school to head to the Paul Mitchell Schools or audition for The Groundlings?  Should I be putting my preschooler on the waitlist at Parsons The New School for Design?

I’m neurotic.  I know.

That’s one of the many, many fabulous things about C.J., he’s teaching me to be more patient than I’m generally programmed to be.

And, so is this blog.  Thanks to the more than 1,000 people who have read my words so far.  RaisingMyRainbow is on Facebook now (look at C.J.’s Mom getting all social media on you). 

Find me.  Like me.  Muah.

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Did C.J. Create the First-Ever Gay Pride Lego?

Posted on January 6, 2011 by raisingmyrainbow

C.J.’s Brother is a Lego-building wunderkind.  While he loves to build and engineer, C.J. hoards the mini-figs (a.k.a. the Lego people, for those of you not up on your Lego lingo).  I find C.J.’s hoarded mini-figs everywhere: in his pockets, in his backpack, under his pillow, in the bath and – one time – up his nose.

C.J. can’t just leave the mini-figs as is.  He HAS to switch them up.  The Martina Navratilova-inspired tennis player gets the hula girl head complete with a plumeria in the ear.  The skateboarder boy gets the disco dancer’s huge black afro.  The Kung Fu master gets the queen’s crown and braids. 

But….my all-time favorite…..is this one…. 

C.J. created this Lego Mini-Fig. It's his all-time fav. What does it make you think of?

Created by C.J., it is his favorite too.  He refers to it as both a “pretty” he and a she.  In private, C.J.’s Dad refers to it as the “Village Person” Lego and I refer to it as “Gay Pride” Lego.

In case you were wondering, that’s a policeman’s head with Princess Leia body.  Check out the cleavage! Or are those pecs?

I hope you all have a great weekend.  Tons of thanks and cyber hugs go out to the hundreds of people who have checked out my blog since my first real posting on Monday.  Especially the people who took the time to comment, you have no idea how much your words mean to me.  Know that.

I hesitated to start this blog because I feared the haters.  Luckily they haven’t found me yet!

My motto for 2011?  What needs to be done?  Why not me?  Why not now?

My next post is on Monday, check back, I think it’s a good one.

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Cast of Characters: And Characters They Are….

Posted on January 2, 2011 by raisingmyrainbow

C.J. – The most enchanting child you will ever meet with an insane knack for art and color, interior design and dance.  His passions include Barbie, Disney Princesses, Strawberry Shortcake and women’s hair and shoes.  Paul Deen holds a special place in his heart.

C.J.’s Mom (Me, the blogger) – A feisty, sassy girl-woman trying to have it all and usually feeling like she is failing miserably while all those around her are none-the-wiser.  She works part-time as a business consultant, full-time as a mother and overtime as a walking panic attack.

C.J.’s Dad – A police officer and recovering bully with his 15-year chip for bully sobriety.  He’s an Irishman with a heart of gold hidden underneath his tough-guy façade and ever-present scowl.

C.J.’s Brother – Seven going on 30, he’s wise, kind and the best big brother a younger sibling could ask for.  Embarrassed by nothing, except when C.J. acts like a girl.

Uncle Uncle – A creature from a sitcom who is bigger than life and loved by all.  One of the most important people involved in the raising of C.J. because of his homosexuality.  If it takes a village to raise a child, Uncle Uncle is the court jester, mayor, therapist, stylist and official storyteller.

Nana Grab Bags – The maternal grandmother who was created by God to spoil grandchildren.  She’s allergic to harsh words and unhappiness and carries an oversized Target purse filled with candy, toys, hugs and zany theories.

Pa – The maternal grandfather who is a devout born-again Christian and macho Mexican-American.  Enough said.

Grandma and Grandpa Colorado – The paternal grandparents who are thousands of miles away.  A hunting, drinking, fishing, old-fashioned duo that are waiting for the day when C.J. grows out of “this phase.”

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RaisingMyRainbow.com is a blog about the adventures in raising a slightly effeminate, possibly gay, totally fabulous son.

Posted on December 30, 2010 by raisingmyrainbow
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